I told you exclusively here at the Insider earlier this week that talks between the Chicago Fire and French megastar Zinedine Zidane have started up again, and today a reliable source tells me that a decision could be made by Monday. Zidane is interested in restarting his tarnished career, but he wants to do it somewhere far from the European hysteria.

Can't get much farther away than the MLS, I suppose. The Chicago Fire hasn't caused anything resembling hysteria since, well, the actual chicago fire. Of all the cities in America that might come close to actually embracing soccer, I don't think Chicago's one of them. If Zidane and Brad Maynard are waiting for the same table to open up at a restaurant, my guess is that Maynard's getting first dibs.

And there are also some concerns about Zidane's work ethic and commitment at this point in his career. If he makes the move to the MLS, within three years, you'll see him hanging out on street corners, drunk and unshaven, offering to headbutt total strangers in the chest for five bucks.

Zidane MLS Sign Would Eclipse Beckham in Time [Sports by Brooks]
Zidane to Chicago? [Soccer Insider]
Great Chicago Fire [Wikipedia]

David Hirshey writes regularly for Deadspin about soccer.

So it turns out that the most famous red card last year wasn't the one given to Zinedine Zidane for his notorious headbutt of Marco Matterazzi in the World Cup final. Rather, it was the one handed to Saddam Hussein in the closing minutes of his once dominating career. Who knew that before you can be executed in Iraq you must be officially notified in the form of —you guessed it— a red card , a tasty little news calorie that was lost in the Zapruder-like coverage of Saddam going down swinging. (Thanks to Slate's David Plotz for the tip).

While their names — say Saddam/Zidane three times fast — have an Obama/Osama homophonity (and I don't mean that in a Brokeback kind of way), the similarities end there. Zidane was taunted before his red card, whereas Saddam had to endure a little gallows humor on the way to you know where (I'm sorry if it's too soon for some of you, but, as you know, if we don't make the jokes the Bush administration wins). And, of course, Saddam's red card meant he was sent off for good, while Zidane, post-headbutt, is more popular than ever in France, continues to rack up endorsement dollars and can still kick his friends ass at occasional 5-v-5 pickup games, as witnessed in this video.

Don't miss his move at around the 2:30 mark, when he runs all the way back to his own goal, skins a guy, then whips a cross onto his pal's head. But the thing that strikes me the most after watching this video is the sudden reappearance of Zidane's hair. As far as I'm concerned, to hell with Rogaine, I'll be spending my weekend driving my thinning pate into Leitch's sternum.

Some "witty" ones contained in the book:

Hey! Where exactly is the sternum? Zinedine, what are you up to? You haven't lost yet... and you've already shaved your head!

Boy, it's almost as if Italian soccer hoods aren't that funny!

For the record, we have no problem with Materazzi's attempts to spin some comedic gold out of the incident — and he's donating proceeds to UNICEF, so it's for a good cause — but we still think it's a shame that the best line of all, "son of a terrorist whore," just didn't make the cut.

Materazzi To Release Headbutt Joke Book [DNA]

Just when you thought that the B&B boys (Bush and Blair) were the most ridiculous people to be nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize (even Bono seems more worthy) comes the news that FIFA's Supreme Being Sepp Blatter wants to broker the greatest peacemaking effort since Tom Cruise showed up at Brooke Shields' doorstep. Yesterday Blatter announced that plans were in the works for Zinedine Zidane and Marco Materazzi to meet tete a tete — instead of tete a sternum — and hug it out.

To add to this Oprah moment, Blatter wants to do it at Robben Island in South Africa, where Nelson Mandela was imprisoned for decades for headbutting Apartheid. After this, I hear Blatter will turn his attention to reuniting Wayne Rooney with Ricardo Carvalho's testicles.

FIFA Moots Robben Island For Zidane-Materazzi Reunion [Reuters]

Congratulations to Italy, World Cup Champions. However, I have to admit, that's probably one of the greatest retirements I've ever seen. Better than John Kruk leaving the game after he got his average back up to .300 for his career.

If only we could all walk out of our careers by headbutting somebody in the chest. Soccer rules.

Italy Wins World Cup in Shootout Over France [Yahoo]
World Cup Live Blog [Deadspin]