Via Connecticut student Mike Mancini, what's purported to be an email some UConn students received from their floor's resident assistant ahead of tonight's National Championship game:

Derek the RA is the kid in class who tells the teacher who gave the sub a hard time. Derek the RA is the parking cop who starts writing the ticket as you're running back to your car. Derek the RA is the middle manager who strictly enforces the office dress code.

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If Derek does indeed exist, I hear there's a title game viewing party on his floor tonight. Pass it on.