We haven't heard much from Diamondbacks outfielder Eric Byrnes in the offseason, but we can only guarantee it was something EXTREME AND WHOLLY UNPREDICTABLE! ZIGGITY SWISH! He's back this year, and his Diamondbacks were among the first to be drug tested. Byrnes is absolutely comfortable with the process, even if it means a stranger's prying eyes on his yambag.

The Chicago Sun-Times brings home the money quote:

"I'd prefer not to have a grown man standing there looking at my pickle, but if they have to do it for the sake of the game, I'm in. They watch the whole thing."

What a professional. No word on whether he'd support an HGH test if it meant a drug tester had to rub his nipples.

It's a good thing men are administering the drug tests, though. If it were women, more than likely it'd be impossible to keep that thing down on a regular basis. Although that seems like the kind of endurance test that the WACKY AND COLORFUL Eric Byrnes might enjoy.

First In Line [Chicago Sun-Times] (fourth item down)