Boink Like A Champion Today: Condom Shortage In Vancouver

Vancouver's Olympic Village is short on condoms and an emergency supply has been shipped to the sex-crazed colony to ensure that each and every athlete is safe from STDs throughout the rest of their stay.

This is a remarkable achievement and, according to a source close to reporters stationed in Vancouver, an Olympic first. Apparently, the 100,000 condoms provided to the Village were used up in record time. "After one week," the source said " most of them were already gone." Impressive.

Of course the stories of Bacchanalia at the Olympic Village have already reached mythical status (talk to anyone who witnessed the swordsmanship of the U.S. Men's Basketball team in Beijing in 2008 and it's like they're discussing Somali pirates overtaking a Carnival Cruise line). Remember: even mid-level ping-pong players get the Motley Crue treatment in Olympic Village. So with only a couple days left in Vancouver, this new influx of condoms should be enough to keep these horny beasts safe from whatever diseases the Dutch bobsleigh team brought with them.

But the hockey team that wins the gold medal tomorrow will put these extra condoms to good use, most likely on whichever figure skaters are still hanging around. They love their hockey boys.