For Sale: The Laptop Cam Newton Stole

According to an emailer named "A Person With Connections" the laptop that Auburn's quarterback whipping boy Cam Newton stole from that poor kid in Florida has been recovered and is now for sale on the Scuzz Money Market. Here's his pitch.

My friend is in possession of the laptop that Cam Newton stole/purchased stolen and subsequently threw out a window while at UF. He's been contacted multiple times to sell. The serial number/model match that of the stolen laptop. In addition, the laptop has Cam's name written on it in large white letters. (See the police report which is already online for confirmation that this truly is the real laptop. It lists the serial number.). While the laptop is damaged from its fall out a window and will not function, it would definitely be of the highest entertainment value. Would your site be interested in bidding for it?

I wish I had some Auburn fans on my Christmas list this year because I would totally buy this for them. Other than that, we'll start the Deadspin bidding at $103.47.