What Can Groupon Tell Us About Alex Rodriguez?

A lot. It can tell us a lot. Like, according to a scientific analysis, including but not limited to the sale of plush MLB and NFL dolls, Derek Jeter is roughly 60 times more popular than Alex Rodriguez. That's a bit of an unfair comparison, though—I mean, Mr. November!—let's check some other figures. It appears Mark Sanchez, the Mark Sanchez, is six times more popular than A-Rod. Fellow teammate Robinson Cano is only twice as popular as A-Rod. Which makes sense, he stunk the joint up this postseason.

Bryce Harper? 20 times more popular. Chase Utley? 10 times. The Ian Kinsler plush toy—seriously—is seven times more popular. Seven times! Fucking Jordy Nelson has sold 10 of these things to A-Rod's zero.

Michael Vick. Michael Vick has rehabilitated and all that jazz and appears to be on the right track as a human being and I wish him well. But he still oversaw the systematic torturing and raping and murdering of dogs. The Michael Vick plush toy has sold more than 10 times as much as the Alex Rodriguez plush toy.

Will someone please buy one of these things? The guy's having a rough week.

[ Groupon]

h/t Adam and David