Apologies To This Hockey Child, But I Am His Mother Now

Whether or not to have a child is a complicated and morally questionable decision that each person must weigh carefully. It is a difficult question for most people except for me, because I have decided to adopt this small hockey boy and love him forever.

As a new-ish hockey fan, I was delighted last year when I attended my first Washington Capitals game to learn that between the second and third periods a mass of children takes the ice to bump into one another and swarm the puck like a herd of bees. Each night, a Mite of the Night is chosen, and last night’s mite is now my son.

When asked who his favorite Caps player is, Jackson Friedlander says “Oveck-e-kin, and also I have a tarantula named Michael. He’s a curly hair. He just had two crickets on Monday.” Which, okay.

Look at him:

“All I wanted was to have some speed and have fun,” Friedlander says. “Always remember, hockey is not about winning, it’s always about fun.”

Hockey sure does seem fun when you score two goals and annihilate your opponents! Congrats Jackson! Have a good day at school, buddy!