So that happened. Buzz Bissinger popped up in the comments section this afternoon and he did not disappoint.
It took a little time to get him acclimated to the system, though. I now know how those poor Dell help desk people feel anytime my father calls them when he gets his Turbo Tax stuck in the disk drive.
First Buzz popped into the Detroit de-pantsing story and waited for his cue. That resulted in some comical, frantic phone calls from him sitting in the Philadelphia Inquirer office where he cursed their computers and the whole comment system. "IT KEEPS TELLING ME TO FUCKING LOG-IN. I DID LOG-IN. WHY IS IT TELLING ME TO LOG-IN...?"
Nibbles is merciless.
He got the hang of it very quickly, though, and here's a rundown of some of his more colorful interactions with some of our finest commenters. Thanks to the shamelessly self-promoting Canadian, Gourmet Spud.
dont-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese-mac: Mr. Buzz, my question is twofold:
a. When can we expect the book The Assassination of Will Leitch By the Coward Buzz Bissinger
2. What actor would you want to play the role of Buzz Bissinger in the film adaptation?
Reply
Buzz: As I recall, Mr. Leitch was the one who cowered and stammered like a sissy boy. I think I should be played by James Gandolfini.
***
MarkKelsosMigraine: Buzz, what was the Grateful Dead's best touring year — 1971, 1972, or 1977? And were they better or worse after Pigpen died?
Buzz: I have to say 1971. Definitely better after PigPen died whoever the fuck he is..
***
FEAST: Brazzers, Bang Bros or Reality Kings?
F
Buzz: Reality Kings. It sounds the least offensive of the three, although I have no fucking clue as to what you are talking about
***
The Fan's Attic: Buzz, you shit pissing son of a bitch, your Wikipedia page says you split time between your homes in Philly and the Pacific Northwest. You live in Ruby Ridge, don't you?
Buzz: I did live in Ruby Ridge but I was considered too disruptive. Actually, I now live with Will Leitch. He cooks dinner for me. It's the least he can do since I made his fucking career.
***
Theodore Donald Kerabatsos:Who would win in a two-on-two street fight: Lebron James & 1985 Sylvester Stallone or Kimbo Slice & 1985 Dolph Lundgren?
Buzz: Did you actually use your brain to come up with this?
***
SavetoFavorites: What do you think about Joe Posnanski's claim that he would "mess you up, Juice-style, two times" in a liveblog race?
Buzz: This is the same Posnanski who has crapped out to Sports Illustrated and acted several weeks ago like he had discovered Dave Duncan when I wrote about him in Three Nights four years ago in much better depth and prose. That Joe Posnanski? He probably still believes in Moneyball? By the way, how did Billy Beane do this year? Or the year before? Or the year before? Biggest fraud in baseball. As for LaRussa, who you all hate, two world series and one division championship in five years.
***
Dany Heatley Speedwagon: Wish I wasn't so busy at work because this is a red letter day in deadspin interwebs history. Just wanted to say +1 to you for having a pretty big set to throw yourself at the mercy of the commentariat.
Buzz: Thanks Speedwagon. I'm hanging in there. Plus I am pissed I Baby Mangino beat me out for Man of the Year. The thing was fixed. Daulerio is a fucking crook and weasel.
***
Gourmet Spud: What would you say to endorsing a line of children's sleep aids called "Friday NiteLites"? Because I've drawn up this business plan...
Buzz: I love it. Send me the plan...
***
TimCouchFanatic: Buzz, in your opinion, is Deadspin still perpetuating the future or do you think the future has been completely perpetuated?
Buzz: Deadspin is where it's at as newspapers struggle and may well drown. Then again, if you're really a TimCouchFanatic you are quite hopeless.
***
Civil Negligence: In your loud yet humble opinion: best and worst sports media personality in Philly?
Buzz: Angelo Cataldi is by far the best. Ike Reese tries hard but who cares and Mike Quick is more of a homer than Leitch for the Cardinals.
***
Econdave: What are the similarities and differences between covering politics (A Prayer for the City) and sports?
Buzz: There are similarities in that both professions feature individuals who are endlessly competitive. But politics, as screwed up as it often is, requires far more dedication and work ethic and optimism than anything in sports. When I began A Prayer for the City I thought all politicians were full of it but I was wrong. Ed Rendell is deeply flawed, but his a magnificent politican and person.
***
***
EminentSmithDomain: BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ! Are you related to Buzz Aldrin? If so, did you walk on the moon too? Did LeBron walk on the moon with you guys?
Buzz: I thought the comment about Sunny in Philadelphia was stupid by Upstate but this is even more stupid.
****
Thanks again to Mr. Bissinger for playing along and thanks to you commenters for being your usual level of cantankerousness. Bless you.