Dispatch: "I Jacked It On Camera For Money"

Two days ago, Drew Magary wondered out loud if any of our readers would really do porn if offered. Well, one anonymous reader has. Here is his story.

This was back in the days when Myspace was still socially acceptable, I got this message from a dude who said he 'liked my look' and asked if I'd be willing to rub one out on camera for a G. As a member of the minority of college students who actually have to pay for school by themselves, I figured hey why not? After doing minimal credential checks on this fella (probably not wise in hindsight) I decided to hop on a plane, fly to FLA and do what I've been doing every day of my post-pubescent life, sometimes twice, for a paycheck.

I got to the airport, went to the baggage claim area as I was instructed by my contact, and waited for someone to come get me. I was there for approximately 10 minutes before a large man approached me and asked me my name. I told him who I was and he led me to a very nice black BMW. You don't even close your own door on these things you just press a button, unreal. When we got in the car he started rattling of a pretty stern set of rules of conduct: no drugs, no booze, no sex/masturbating off camera, no laptops/computers, limited phone use, no leaving the property, etc. I was still enamored with the $1K that awaited, so I figured I could bit the bullet for a few days. We pulled up to this mansion with a key-code gate, 1/4 mile long driveway, exotic plants, the whole shebang. The place looked like a palace.

I got inside to find a motley crew of pretty boys, jocks, meatheads, and flamboyant homosexuals. Pretty awkward to say the least. We all made small talk, being careful not to reveal any real identities or origins. So, when it was my time to shoot, they took me into a huge bedroom and did this little interview-thing where I basically got to pretend to be whoever I wanted. When it was time to do the damn thing, suddenly, my ever-so-trustworthy partner in crime failed to respond. After a few hours of browsing porn under previously mentioned scorching lights, the lil' guy finally got into action. I busted, collected my money and came home.

A few months later, I get another e-mail from this guy. Apparently, they liked how my solo shoot turned out so they decided they wanted to bring me back for a guy/girl scene. Another grand. I almost lost a load right there. 2G's in less than 6 months for slinging baby batter? That's more than I'd make in 2 months working 40-hour weeks doing construction in the summer. This time, since I was performing with a partner, I had to get STD tested. They don't do the dick swab anymore apparently (thank God) so I got some blood drawn and peed in a cup. They paid for that too.

I got back down to the house, found a couple of the same dudes I met the last time and just chilled watching TV waiting for the other 'actors' to finish their scenes and waiting for my partner. Another rule they had was that you aren't supposed to mingle with the people you 'work' with. So when my co-star arrived, we kind of just sat there pretending not to notice each other (again, very awkward). When it was our time we went into a bedroom where about 2-3 camera guys, a couple light guys, and a few other fellas who I'm not real sure what their role was awaited us. Then they basically just said 'go ahead', and we did.

Started out like a nervous freshman, trembling as we made out. She had done this before, so she guided me along, taking off my shirt and helping me reciprocate. When we were totally naked she started blowing me, but I couldn't get hard. All I could think of was the half crowded room of dudes in front of me and all these HOT GOD-FUCKING-DAMNED lights. She kept goin' and goin' like a real champ, but nothing.

Finally, one of the guys gets the idea to have them all leave the room and let her go to town on me in private until I get it up, then they could just come in and start filming. So we did that, and it worked. I got it up, but then as soon as the guys came in and started moving about, zooming here, focusing there, it didn't take long before the lil' guy shied away again. Like I said before, the guys were super patient and very understanding. They hooked me up with this herbal Viagra-type stuff and finally it was showtime. She was about 115 pounds, 5'3", blonde, and certainly attractive. Foreplay included, we put together about a 15-20 minute video that was the coolest, most nerve-racking thing I've ever done.

I don't get how the real porn stars do it, man. But getting in the 'zone' and staying there is extremely difficult someone for who's not used to people watching.

Oh yeah, the food! I almost forgot. Anything you could imagine man, it was in that house. The first time I've ever seen toaster pancakes was at the porn house (don't get excited, NOT worth it). They had a walk in pantry for Christ's sake with three (3) different kinds of beef jerky! The last night I was there, before we left, they took all of us actors to a Brazilian steak house. Again, for free. I couldn't help but think what people thought of us as 12 good looking guys who obviously weren't on any kind of sports team accompanied by some older gentlemen came piling out of a huge van.