Mario Balotelli Does Selfish, Swaggy Thing, Wins Game For Liverpool

Liverpool were hosting Turkish side Beşiktaş in the European Soccer NIT today, and it was scoreless until Liverpool young cock Jordon Ibe was tripped up in the box in the 85th minute. Penalty! Captain-for-the-day Jordan Henderson picked up the ball and walked to the spot, which is when hero and burgeoning international sex icon Mario Balotelli took the ball out of Henderson's hand.

Henderson took exception, and another serf, Daniel Sturridge, also took exception. To appease the mortals, though, Balotelli gave Henderson a reassuring pat, then put the ball down, and focused on the winning goal he was about to score.

In what should come as no shock, Balotelli scored, because it's what he does now on occasion. Liverpool won. After the game, Steven Gerrard said—actually, who gives a fuck what Steven Gerrard said? He plays for the Galaxy!

[Fox Sports]