Mike Redmond Is The Marlins' New Manager

Which no-hit catcher was going to get this offseason's first managerial job? Mike Matheny got his last year. Would it be Brad Ausmus, the Ivy Leaguer who delighted the Red Sox? Sal Fasano, who won Eastern League manager of the year in 2011? Nah, it's gonna be Mike Redmond, Heyman reports.

The best part of that story has nothing to do with Redmond. This is the greatest paragraph ever written about a not-so-long-ago-ascendant baseball team:

The Marlins moved quickly to make their hire after firing Ozzie Guillen. They are also known to have interviewed Larry Bowa, Luis Gonzalez, Lloyd McClendon and Bryan Price.

Larry Bowa! Luis Gonzalez! Lloyd McClendon! What a pathetic parade. Remember when this team was going to win the NL East? Remember when they got written up in The New Yorker? Now they're back to being the regular old Marlins, hiring their old backup to run the team. Bring back the teal! Bring back the pinstripes! Move back to Dolphin-Or-Whatever-the-Hell-It's-Called Stadium! What a beautiful, beautiful calamity.