Ottawa Sun Columnist Writes Article About His Balls

Everyone's favorite on again/off again goon, Matt Cooke, returned to Ottawa Monday night for the first time since slicing Erik Karlsson's Achilles tendon. It was an important game for Ottawa's playoff push, but Cooke's return made it special.

So special that the Ottawa Sun's Don Brennan openly trolled Cooke on Sunday and then spent most of Monday's column, after the Penguins 3-1 win, talking about his own testicles.

After listening to Cooke answer questions about the Feb. 13 incident in which his skate sliced 70% of the way through Erik Karlsson's Achilles tendon, I went to speak with other players in the room about different matters. Like every other reporter there. On the way out, I found Cooke waiting to have a word in private with me.

He wanted to tell me I have no balls. At first I think he said "small balls." But by the time he had finished, and knew Penguins GM Ray Shero was listening, he had decided I had none. Oh, and I believe he also mumbled something about me having no penis before disappearing into the players-only room, which I found interesting.

I will not take this opportunity to, ahem, brag about my manhood.

OK, then! Brennan surmised that Cooke was upset about his Sunday column (headline: "Ottawa Senators playoff push could save Pittsburgh Penguins forward Matt Cooke from a beat down") where he basically questions Cooke's manhood.

At the same time, he's only settled scores like a man 20 times in his 14-year career, according to hockeyfights.com, and never has he dropped the gloves with a Senator. Chris Neil tried to square off with him later in that Feb. 13 game, but the 5-foot-11, 205-pounder wanted no part of that.

Surely, he won't fight Neil or Matt Kassian or Jared Cowen on Monday, either. But maybe he'd accept a challenge from the 6-foot-2, 212-lb. Smith?

Have whatever opinion you'd like to have regarding Matt Cooke and his intentions. Maybe he's a cheap shot artist, maybe he's rehabilitated himself. It becomes entirely irrelevant when he's engaged in this manner. The high ground has been ceded: both men's balls have been called into question and the sportswriter threw the first stone.

The whole thing is just bizarre. Two dicks are engaged in a public pissing match. What is going on up there, Canada?

Photo credit: Getty

Why is Pittsburgh Penguins' Matt Cooke so interested in Don Brennan's package? [Ottawa Sun]

Ottawa Senators playoff push could save Pittsburgh Penguins forward Matt Cooke from a beat down [Ottawa Sun]