Report: Dumb Beer Ad Phrase Not Specifically Banned From The Masters

The dumb beer ad phrase, a corporate slogan the utterance of which will for sure get you kicked out of my household, even if you are my own mother, may not have actually been banned at this year’s Masters, according to an investigation by Dan Wetzel and Jay Busbee of Yahoo Sports:

An extensive, exhaustive Yahoo Sports investigation – actually, we just talked to about a dozen Masters security personnel – revealed that there is no specific list of phrases that, if shouted, will get a fan thrown out of the tournament this weekend.

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No one interviewed by Yahoo Sports – a group that ranged from volunteer marshals to full-time security – had seen or been told of any list, although they had heard of the day-old “Dilly, Dilly” legend. These men were heroically willing to risk their jobs to come forward and debunk the story to Yahoo Sports as long as they remained anonymous, because they are not authorized to speak for Augusta National.

“There’s no list,” one said quietly.

Let me tell you what kind of person you are if you’re barking some dipshit ad phrase from a beer commercial in public, just as your corporate overlords intended, and functioning as free advertising for a product for which you must pay them: you are a mark, and a jackass, and I will not have you inside the walls of my home, Mom. Now get the hell out of here.

Wetzel and Busbee found that staid-ass Augusta is just as stuffy about raucous fan behavior as you’d expect, without necessarily giving much of a shit about the specific content of your exclamations:

Patrons, as fans are referred to here, are allowed to be loud and enthusiastic, but within reason. Security is tasked with rooting out those that are being disruptive rather than just passionate. Yelling “Get in the Hole” from the tee box of a par five might get a hole punched in your badge – two punches and you’re gone – or it might get you heaved out of the course with no warning. Same with a group chant.

“If four guys yell it in unison, that’s a problem,” a guard said.

“Saying anything that’s disruptive to the golfers is not permitted,” said another marshal.

So there’s no list at The Masters. The dumb-shit beer thing is no more specifically banned than any other disruptive shout. That means there’s at least a fair chance this dumbass controversy was cooked up by someone at the beer company. Hey you. You there. You. Do not go around advertising for beer companies, unless they are paying you to do it. No, not even to fuck with the Masters.