Shohei Ohtani Is Very Clearly Not From This Planet

I feel like if you’re even remotely a sports fan, you must tune in to watch Shohei Ohtani. What he is doing so far this season is genuinely insane. Listen to me! He leads the Angels in home runs, batting average, and OPS, and is second in runs batted in, and today he took a perfect game into the seventh inning. He threw 65 total pitches through the first five innings and racked up 10 fucking strikeouts. It’s insane! This is insane and my brain can’t handle it!

Are you ready for this next shit? No you’re not!

Ohtani finished with 12 strikeouts in seven innings, to just one walk and one hit, a lousy single. He set a new major league high mark for swinging strikes this season. His final pitch was a nasty 3-2 splitter for strike three, one pitch after he hit 99 mph with a fastball. This is fucking me up. I’m not ready for the Shohei Ohtani era. I’m serious.