Soccer Page 444 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
American Sports Need More PowerPoint Presentations
Michael Owen—remember the "Michael Jordan of soccer" talk?—put together a 32-page brochure about his accomplishments and handsomeness to try and convince teams to give him a contract. Nothing says "dangerous goal scorer" quite like bar graphs! [DailyMirror/Decleater]...
Someone Forgot To Tell This Owner His Soccer Team Was Up For Sale On eBay
When the owner of an English soccer team wanted to sell the franchise, he turned to a US firm to set up the deal. When that firm wanted to locate a buyer, they turned to...eBay? *recordscratch.wav*...
World-Class Athlete Requires Liposuction To Stay Fit
Aging Brazilian legend Ronaldo went to the hospital for a broken wrist and had doctors throw a liposuction on the bill. How do you expect a guy to work out when he's busy playing all that soccer? [The Spoiler]...
David Beckham's Hecklers Not So Tough After All
David Beckham had another run-in with fans—with the notoriously nasty Kansas City soccer scene—but the where and why is not really important. What is important, is that fans need to do a better job managing their smack talk....
Fan Who Charged Beckham Feels Wrath Of Home Depot
The L.A. Galaxy fan who leapt out of the stands to answer David Beckham's challenge may face a fate worth than jail or death—a lifetime ban from the Home Depot Center. Even for the Vans Warped Tour?...
When Sports Widows Get Stabby
In America, if you stay out too late at the sports bar, your wife makes you sleep on the couch. In Malaysia, she stabs you in the chest. [The Star]...
Small Child No Good At Sports, Cries; By The Way, He's In The Pros
Mauricio Baldivieso turns 13 tomorrow. As an early birthday present, his coach got him into the game for a first-division Bolivian soccer side. Did we mention the coach is his father?...
Beckham Experiment Descends Into Fear And Loathing, Lesson In The Subjectivity Of Perception
Beckham played his first home game back with the Galaxy yesterday, and things got ugly. Either a fan nearly attacked him (per the U.S. press), or he nearly attacked a fan (per the Brits). It's like Rashomon in shinguards!...
BK-Sponsored Soccer Kit Will Make You Cry
OK, it's pretty bad to watch Beckham jog around in his Galaxy Herbalife jersey. But things could be worse. They could be much, much worse....
Now We'll Take You Seriously, Lady Soccer
With the top 3 goalies injured or away on national team duty, WPS's Washington Freedom taps coach to play goalie. They win by shutout, of course. [WaPo]...
David Beckham Plays Soccer Like Your Dad
Becks was "often behind the play and seemed winded" in his return to the L.A. Galaxy last night, in front of 22,000 Giants Stadium fans. The last time L.A. played at New York, it was 40,000. [AP]...
Nancy Boys Play Like ... Well, Nancy Boys
Look, when you play for a soccer team from a town named Nancy, headlines like this are inevitable. (What editor could resist?) Especially when you run away from swine flu like a team of little girls. [ESPN]...
Road Beef Spreads Love, Disease In England
Hi there, UK readers. I see you there, making up 0.54% of our visitors. Since you're the only ones awake and reading this right now, hopefully you'll heed this warning: I wouldn't sleep with any Premiership players for a while....
David Beckham Deserves An Imaginary Nobel Peace Prize
"If [he] had spoken out about Iraq it wouldn't have happened," said Jon McClure, frontman of the The Reverend and The Makers, of Becks. "Or Britain certainly wouldn't have got involved." So that's what The Beckham Experiment is about. [PA]...
Homeless Soccer Gives The Beautiful Game A Shower And A Hot Meal
Pretty much the only people who play soccer in America are Latin American immigrants and eight-year-old girls, but now someone has found a great wellspring of untapped athletic prowess—homeless guys....
Coach's Foot Attacked by Deranged Panamanian Groin
Things got ugly during yesterday's match between Panama and Mexico. I'm not one for pointing fingers, but I'm guessing that the Mexican coach making for this guy's groin (while the ball was in play) didn't exactly defuse the situation....
ESPN: The British Invasion
ESPN is creating a new UK-based channel in order to broadcast the live Premier League matches they now own the rights to. If "First Take" ends up on the schedule, this could destroy the NATO alliance. [Guardian, via Sports Hernia]...
Cristiano Ronaldo Stars In World's Largest Press Conference
Almost 80,000 people showed up at Real Madrid's stadium last night just to watch Cristiano Ronaldo try on a shirt. I'm starting to suspect that you don't love your favorite team enough....
Racist European Soccer Fans, Go Sit In A Corner
"A referee should first demand over the public address system that fans stop their racist behavior. If they fail to do so, the game should be suspended for five to 10 minutes, with teams sent to the locker rooms." [AP]...
Mobster Doesn't Take Kindly To Soccer Players Who Insult His Girlfriend
It must have stung Bulgarian goaltender Nikolay Mihailov when his Playmate model girlfriend dumped him for a notorious mob boss—but it probably stings even more when the mob boss decides to attack you with acid....