Spandex-Wearing Men Humiliate Defenseman, Selves

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

• Reader Tim sends along this photo of two FX programming fans wildin' out in front of Kings defenseman Jack Johnson. The Canucks won the game on account of some Mikael Samuelsson goal-scorin'.

• The Canadiens upset Alex Ovechkin and the Capitals in OT, proving once and again that things will never go according to Jose Theodore's plans.

• Brandon Roy will undergo surgery on his right knee and sit out the Blazers' series against Phoenix.

• With the help of the Harry Ransom Center at the University of Texas, we now know which words were circled in the dictionary of the late David Foster Wallace. "Brevity" and "footnote" are delightfully missing from the list.

*****

It's Friday. Let's do some riffing.