a Page 7000 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Mario Balotelli Didn't Start Today's Match, Scored A Wondergoal Anyway
It proved meaningless in the competition—Italy was headed to the Euro 2012 quarterfinals anyway—but Mario Balotelli's goal in the 90th minute of today's Group C bout between the Azzurri and Ireland warrants our consideration regardless....
Roger Clemens Found Not Guilty
The Roger Clemens perjury trial—a trial that was alternately confusing, nostalgic, and soporific, but at all times a giant waste of taxpayer money and government manpower—puttered to a sad and inevitable end today with Clemens being found not guilty on all counts....
To UEFA, Wrong Underwear Far Worse Than Fan Racism
Know this: UEFA is very protective of its sponsors. (Here are the Euro 2012 sponsors, soulless corporations all, and you should avoid their products for the remainder of the tournament. Except possibly Ukrsotsbank PJSC.) Paddy Power, the Irish bookmaker, is just as corporate and just as interested i...
Editor's Note: Suggesting Dan Snyder Is A Bullshitter Is Not As Libelous As Writing, "Dan Snyder Blows Dogs"
The previous post on Deadspin might have given the impression that Redskins owner Dan Snyder is a liar. Snyder takes such accusations very seriously, and so do we, which is why we now endeavor to answer the question: Is it libelous to suggest that Dan Snyder is a lying-ass shitbag vulgarian?...
Dan Snyder's Official Team Bio Is A Tour De Force Of Bullshit
When you think of Redskins owner Dan Snyder, you think of a miserable, gutless sack of shit who ruined a franchise and made an entire fanbase hate his guts. Ah, but that's just how Dan Snyder is perceived in the real world. The world of official team bios, on the other hand, is magical place where a...
Somehow, Jerry Sandusky's Defense Strategy Is Even Worse Than Imagined
Since Jerry Sandusky's arrest last November, Lawyerin' Joe Amendola has made it ridiculously easy to make fun of his unique brand of lawyerin'. At the same time, given that Lawyerin' Joe decided to drag this case to trial despite all the evidence against his client, it was still reasonable to assume...
Better Know An Umpire: Tony Randazzo
Welcome to Better Know An Umpire, an effort to educate ourselves on the human elements who have ultimate decision-making power over some 2,500 Major League Baseball games a year. (All cumulative statistics are through the 2011 season, unless otherwise stated.)...
Three Toronto FC Players Arrested In Nightclub Brawl
In Houston ahead of Wednesday's match against the Dynamo, three Toronto FC players found themselves spending a night in jail. According to the Toronto Sun, Luis Silva, Miguel Aceval and Nick Soolsma were arrested for public intoxication after being involved with a fight at the Escobar club in Midtow...
At Euro 2012, No Place For English Optimism Or Swedish Sobriety
KIEV, Ukraine—The English did not come to Kiev in droves. According to a few of them who milled about before the match with Sweden, their countrymen stayed away for two reasons: 1) The fear of racism and violence, fueled by the BBC's sensationalist Stadiums of Hate documentary, and 2) an unflinching...
Why I Lie: An Athlete's PR Guy Comes Clean
One of the toughest jobs of a publicist is learning how to lie. It's the one thing about my career that keeps me awake at night. I'm not looking for sympathy—I chose this profession. But as some of you know, it can be a dangerous circle, telling lies to keep other lies intact. ...
The U.S. Open Trophy Ceremony Videobomber Is A Deforestation Activist Named "Jungle Bird"
The roosterlike fellow who invaded last night's U.S. Open trophy ceremony and earned a scolding from champion Webb Simpson has been identified as a kooky deforestation activist named "Jungle Bird."...
The Thunder-Heat Series Isn't About The Noise; It's About The Beauty
Before turning on the television to watch Game 3 of the NBA Finals last night, I made the mistake of going to ESPN.com to read about the game, and then I compounded that mistake by clicking on this link, which led me to a video clip of Stephen A. Smith and Skip Bayless screaming about how terrible ...
Charlie Pierce Destroys An Awful Column Proclaiming Bryce Harper As A Conservative Hero
Last Friday, the Daily Caller published what is truly one of the most insane pieces of sportswriting to ever exist, in which a dumb guy attempts to turn Bryce Harper into a symbol of conservative values and the reincarnation of Ronald Reagan, or some shit....
Report: The NHL Is Planning To Seize The New Jersey Devils From Their Owner
Jeff Vanderbeek, he's the guy above, not the guy from Dawson's Creek. He owns the New Jersey Devils, or at least he "owns" them in the same way that the Wilpons own the Mets or Frank McCourt owned the Dodgers. Oodles of his debt weigh the team down, and he can't pay it off. The Devils missed a loan ...
Ohio Man Wants Buckeye Removed As State Tree Because It's A "Bisexual" Plant
Earlier this month, in the letters to the editor section of the Findlay (Ohio) Courier, this gem ran:...
Man Gives Child Baseball, Child Tries To Throw Baseball Back
We saw something like this happen earlier in the season with a young Royals fan in Kansas City. This time the setting was Tampa Bay, where once again the impressionable little guy was only mimicking what he was watching out on the field. Note that at the very end of the video the father had the ball...
David Nalbandian Could Face Criminal Charges After Injuring Line Judge
We thought Nalbandian suffered enough yesterday after taking out his frustrations on the base of a linesman's chair. The wooden board splintered, drawing blood from the confused and angry judge, and Nalbandian was disqualified from the final of the Aegon Championships (not a Game of Thrones refere...
A Reminder That Everything About The Olympics Is Always Corrupt
Forget the NCAA—the biggest amateur athletics scam going is the Olympic Games. The best sportsmen, sportswomen, and sportschildren in the world, all conveniently paid in "glory" and "pride" instead of money. And the Games make money, plenty of it. But a host city has never once shown a profit. So in...
Golf Has A New "Cigar Guy"
Remember Cigar Guy? There's a new member of the stogie-sporting clan, and this one's garbed in what appears to be a tribute to the late Payne Stewart. We only saw this one glimpse of him, and frankly his expression leaves a bit to be desired; even worse, he was at best the second-weirdest person at...