a Page 7484 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

The Kids With The Ole Miss Stolen Laptop Write A Thank You To Whomever
Yesterday, the story of the two Ole Miss students who had their laptops stolen over the weekend only to find them mysteriously returned in shrubbery with a note attached decided to follow-through with a public thank you to the anonymous good samaritan....

Why I Hate My Giant Dong
I've got a big penis. This is my tale of woe. [Jezebel]...

Would You Or Someone You Love Like To Be Deadspin's Editorial Assistant?
If so then you should be very jazzed because today is the day that this opportunity is obnoxiously knocking on doors. But beware: we're looking for a certain type of person. A real go-getter. A needle-mover. A ladder-climber. Or we'll settle on a pleasant person who can sift through the mail pile. A...

Satirical, Non-Libelous Dan Snyder Group Fiction, Part II: "... His Tongue Raging Against His Boss's"
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Dan Snyder's dumbass libel suit hears the bell tolling. (For those of you keeping track, this is "We Are All Dave McKenna XCVI.")...

Shawn Kemp Refuses Courtside Seats To Oklahoma City Game; Remains Seattle's Hero
Shawn Kemp has been retired from professional basketball for about eight years now, but after eight seasons with the SuperSonics, he still lives in the Seattle area and makes time for a weekly appearance on local sports radio with the "Ian Furness Show" on KJR. In yesterday's show, Kemp shared tha...

Announcer Stays Cool As Foul Ball Smashes Into Press Box
At a game last month, Southern Illinois University Edwardsville announcer Joe Pott maintained his composure and his baritone has a ball came through the window at him. Keep an eye on this guy, folks. [h/t Daryl]...

Rockies Grounds Crew Member Trapped Under Tarp, No One Notices
Last night, just three weeks after the Royals grounds crew nearly lost one to the tarp, the rain delay at the Mets-Rockies game carved a new swathe of destruction at Coors Field. There were no men lost; only a hero made....

Everything You Wanted To Know About Porn, Weed, And Toilets In Afghanistan, Courtesy A Platoon Leader
That photo of an anonymous U.S. soldier standing in front of a whole shitload of weed was taken by a platoon leader in Afghanistan with the Gawker handle Lono. He emailed me recently to clarify a number of things about fighting overseas, namely the quality of local porn, the abundance of local weed,...

BCS Will Continue To Be For All The Tostitos
The Fiesta Bowl pays a $1 million fine for these shenanigans, but gets to stay in the BCS. Of course they do. Or perhaps Bill Hancock needed a scapegoat around for the BCS antitrust suit....

Bernard Hopkins Promotes Upcoming Fight By Calling Donovan McNabb A House Negro
Not long ago, HBO aired a promo for Bernard Hopkins vs. Jean Pascal in which the brassy tongued Hopkins verbally mauled his Haitian opponent. Unfortunately, HBO wasn't present when Hopkins lost his mind yesterday and voiced some astounding opinions about Donovan McNabb. Good thing Hopkins voiced the...

Robert "Tractor" Traylor, Greatest 300-Pound Dunker Of Our Time, Is Dead At 34
Robert "Tractor" Traylor, former high school All-American, University of Michigan star, and NBA player, was reportedly found dead in his apartment in Isla Verde, Puerto Rico today. His current team, Vaqueros de Bayamon, posted the news on their Facebook page and requested that the team's next game...

Lamar Odom Turns To Video Games For His Hoop Dreams
OK, maybe this is rock bottom for Page 2, but there's an excellent mental image in here: Lamar Odom last week playing as Lamar Odom in NBA 2K11 against the Mavericks, and his opponent letting him win....

Suspects In Attack On Giants Fan To Go Up On 300 LA Billboards
Starting tomorrow, sketches of these two men will appear on billboards around Los Angeles. They are wanted in connection with the beating of Bryan Stow in the parking lot after a Giants game. Stow "is basically gone," his mother said this week....

Bulls Fan Learns The Shame Of The Giant Foam Hat
The giant foam hat is all fun and games until it is shown on the Jumbo Tron which is then shown on national television which is then uploaded to YouTube with ridiculing commentary and which then makes it to here, where we will shame your giant foam hat shame. What a world....

Albert Pujols Hugs Jim Hendry: A Photoplay In 10 Parts
Free agent-to-be Albert Pujols and Cubs GM Jim Hendry hugged yesterday and chatted amiably behind a batting cage. This is now, officially, a Thing. How did it become a Thing? Let's watch:...

Patrick Kane's Offseason Begins With A Black Eye, Taking A Girl Home From A Club
Oh Kaner. We take a lot of shit for giving you shit, but you keep giving us shit to give you shit for....

Mysterious Blackjack Savant Single-Handedly Busts Tropicana Casino
The New Jersey Division of Gaming Enforcement yesterday reported April revenue for casinos in Atlantic City. The numbers, down across the board, are disheartening for the second-biggest gambling market in the country. Heartening for the rest of the world, however, is that the Tropicana Casino and Re...

All Aboard The Bandwagon: Tampa Bay Writer Decides, On The Verge Of Conference Finals, That He Is A Hockey Fan
St. Pete Times writer Ben Montgomery has watched a grand total of seven Lightning games in his life, and they happen to be the most recent seven. The Lightning won all seven of those games. That's the kind of thing that makes one a hockey fan for life, right?...

Here's The Voice Of Oregon State Sports, Drunk And Eating A Napkin At Denny's
This video's been floating around for a couple months under the description Drunk Man Eats Napkin At West Hollywood Denny's at 3:10 am. But this week, some folks near Corvallis noticed the subject looked a little familar. And indeed, it's Mike Parker, the radio play-by-play guy for the Beavers. Wh...

It Was Wrestling Mask Night In Anaheim
Your morning roundup for May 11, the day the pre-prom body cavity searches were called off....