a Page 7516 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
NBA Selects Man Who Relocated The Sonics And Lied About It To Head Relocation Committee
It gets worse for Sacramento. David Stern has appointed Clay Bennett, second-most hated man of Seattle and 2008 Oklahoman of the Year, to lead its Relocation Committee. The deadline for the Kings decision has also been extended to May 2....
The Greatest Facebook Fail Ever
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
The Horrors Of The Sports-Free Vacation
I recently returned from a long trip. As I went through my piled-up emails, and clicked around ESPN.com and my sports sections, I realized something: you're almost completely out of touch with your familiar sports world when you travel. I currently have somewhere between the faintest and not a singl...
Royals Grounds Crew Worker Encounters The Steamrolling Terror Of The Tarp
Luckily, "they saw it," the announcer declares — but not until after the Kansas City grounds crew rolled a giant killer tarp over their eager coworker's body. He survived the cylindrical attack with at least a trace of his pride....
We Would Like Stories Of Your Gambling Travails, Please
From time to time, you gamble, and we write about it in a column called Bad Beats. Of course, there are no Bad Beats without your Bad Beats, so please, we beg you, send us any gambling stories you normally consider appropriate only for the company of drunken assholes....
12 Of The Year's Punchiest Hockey Fights, Evaluated By A Boxing Writer
As far as I can tell, the main difference between boxing and hockey fights is that during a hockey fight, you're standing on ice. And sliding all over the place. Therefore it becomes important to hold your opponents in place with one hand to stabilize them before you can hit them. Other than that,...
Soccer Fans In Portland Behave Curiously Like Soccer Fans In Any City Outside The United States
Look at all these throaty buggers backing MLS's new team — the Portland Timbers. The Timbers made their home debut last night. Portland fans got to sing the national anthem. So what if the Star Spangled Banner is the only song most Americans have at least some handle on that's not Top 40 dreck? (P...
Swiss Hockey Champion Breaks Really Cheap-Looking Trophy
We know you all were watching the Davos-Kloten game two days ago to see who could capture the David Aebischer Memorial Lucite Cylinder, who would be Micheline Calmy-Rey's sporting equivalent equivalent atop National League A....
Does The NHL Have The Balls To Continue Their Head Shot Crackdown In The Playoffs?
The league's done a top-notch job of saying and doing the right things as their NFL counterparts get blasted on ignoring head trauma. New rules against cheap shots and hits on defenseless players are on the books, and have been clearly expressed to the players. Everyone knows what you can't do. Bu...
Sidney Crosby, Rebecca Black, and Parody Videos: Everything We Hate, For A Good Cause
Playoff time means fans making parody videos for their teams. Spring 2011 means that at least two-thirds of those videos will be set to Rebecca Black's Friday. Enter Benstonium's "Crosby."...
This Uruguayan Striker Sets The Standard For The 360 Spin-Move Goal
Last night in Bolivia, Blooming and the Destroyers played their annual friendly, the Copa Fundacion de Santa Cruz. Blooming won the match 2-1, and this beautiful self-assisted spin-move goal from Uruguayan Diego Martinones was the game-winner. He nearly one-upped the Swedish kid's back-flip penalt...
Why We Can't Tell You Which Soccer Player Had An Affair With This Lady
Because we don't know. (We're pretty sure it's Giggs, but that's not the point.) And we may never know, as a British judge granted an injunction against a newspaper to prevent it from revealing the details of the player's affair with Imogen Thomas....
Here's Video Of A Pro Golfer Needing 16 Shots To Conquer A Par-4 Hole
Your morning roundup for April 15, the day after Walter Breuning died of natural causes. He was 114 years and 205 days old....
It Sure Looks Like Brian Wilson's Pal The Machine Had A Lovely Day After The Closer's Hair-Metal Birthday Bash
About an hour and a half after the Brian Wilson Hair-Metal Birthday Extravaganza gallery was posted this time yesterday, tipster Kevin F. chimed in to say, "the beard's b-day has some nice pics, but the video from the baseball game the next day was better. The Machine streaks through the bleachers...
Oh Great, Somebody Sent A Link To Another Horrendously Infuriating Canucks "Parody" Video
Writes tipster Ian White, "Now, on the heels of the Rebecca Black Friday parody, this just continues to prove that Canucks fans are the most creative out there. The cup is ours this year. Go Canucks Go."...
The Owl-Kicking Panamanian Soccer Player Has Acquired A Taste For Human Ribs
Remember when Luis Moreno of Deportivo Pereira kicked an opposing team's mascot — a living, breathing, hooting owl — to help save its wide-eyed soul in February, but it ended up dying of shock? Yeah, well, Moreno's back in the kicking-creatures business, and business is good....
Of Course Somebody In NWA Gear Recorded Barry Bonds's Post-Verdict Press Conference
If you care about the intricacies of where the Barry Bonds case goes from here, the Silicon Valley Mercury News posted, not very long ago, a story which states:...
A Bunch Of People Came Up With $25K So UConn Basketball Players Can Ride On Parade Floats After All
Yesterday, Mike Zaleski, executive director of the Hartford Business Improvement District, said if he couldn't get his fingers wrapped around $25K by Friday, there would be no parade to commemorate the victors of one of the worst college-basketball championship games in the history of round object...
Your NHL Playoffs Open Thread
At 7 p.m., the Canadiens visit the Bruins. Then, the Flyers host the Sabres. Finally, the nightcap features the Los Angeles Kings and San Jose Sharks. HOCKEY. (PHOTO: Afflictor)...
We Are All Dave McKenna LXIX (Alleged Arson Edition)
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Snyder's dumbass libel suit burns burns burns. Mwahahahahaha!...