a Page 7683 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

One "Worst Player In NFL History" Is Volcanically Pissed About Being A "Worst Player In NFL History"
Jeff Pearlman's massive list of football putridity has provoked an emotional reaction from Detroit Lions' safety, C.C. Brown, who was selected as the 90th worst player. He was not pleased with his ranking. In fact, he went completely berserk. ....

Brett Favre's Dong-Phone Number, Jenn Sterger Legal Updates, And Other Things Of Note
It's been relatively quiet on the sexting front, but there's some movement afoot that suggests the end to this saga is just beyond the phallus-shaped horizon....

Lovable Old Coach Speaks Only In Yells And Similes
Montana Tech football coach Bob Green announced his retirement yesterday. After 24 years with the NAIA Diggers, he's as established a walking soundbite as he is a coach....

Incongruous Athlete Mix-Tape Theater: Billy Paultz
Welcome back to Incongruous Athlete Mix-Tape Theater. Today's subject: Billy "The Whopper" Paultz, set to some folk music that sounds simultaneously Mexican and Celtic....

Lionel Messi Scores Another Rather Nice Goal
Just once, it'd be nice to see little Lionel Messi score a clumsy goal. Perhaps he could charge down a goal kick with his groin and miss it going into the net because he's too busy shouting sweet Jesus to the heavens....

Tiger Woods Gives The Most Boring Interview Of All Time
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Tiger is full of sound and parley, dignifying nothing....

Wilbon Leaving The Newspaper You'd Forgotten He Still Worked For
Mike Wilbon is leaving the Washington Post to devote more time to being a faintly tolerable presence on ESPN. The newspaper's memo is below....

Heat Strokes, Game 11: The Fuck-You Game We've Been Waiting For
FreeDarko's Bethlehem Shoals, a regular contributor to NBA FanHouse and co-author of The Undisputed Guide to Pro Basketball History (visit the FreeDarko store, too!), is keeping a game-by-game diary of the Heat's season — the one you're pretending not to care about....

Michael Vick Will Bring Out The Smug Asshole In America
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Find more of his stuff at his Twitter feed....

Peter Gammons Either Going Insane Or Had His Twitter Hacked
1:31: "Wok bm pppppppppppppppppppppppppp." 1:34: "Plops." Relax, Peter. Sabathia didn't win the Cy Young....

Kansas City MLS Team's New Name Is Impossibly Awful
Goodbye, Kansas City Wizards. Hello, Sporting Kansas City. Or as we will refer to them hereafter, The Fightin' Gerunds....

Goodbye, Greg Oden
Another injury has taken another year from Greg Oden. We've put together this tribute to the creaky-legged giant. We wish him a speedy recovery....

Blues Goalie Spikes It Into The Net: Bad In Volleyball, Worse In Hockey
The bad news: Jaroslav Halak has allowed 13 goals in his last two games. The good news: he actually only gave up 12, because one last night was a horrible own-goal....

Last Night's Winner: The Memory Of Sam Bowie
Greg Oden's done, which means we're consigned to another year of summoning the spirit of sad old Sam Bowie from whatever well he's fallen down. Anyone tempted to compare the two similarly star-crossed, but otherwise totally different players should consider the following:...

Here's What Some Are Calling Cricket's Catch Of The Year
England's Monty Panesar, a notably terribly fielder, made an excellent snag. Snazzy, yes, but would it even make Web Gems?...

Eva Longoria's And Tony Parker's Roller Coaster Photo Is What We Call Foreshadowing
In happier times, the new couple took in some wholesome fun in Las Vegas. Only later would they realize they were riding a giant metaphor....

Fred Smoot Didn't Have All That Much Fun On The Vikings Sex Boat
Even a lake full of prostitutes wasn't nasty enough for the double-donger himself. "It was the most overrated party I have ever been to in my life." [DC Sports Bog]...

What Are You Going To Do, Charge Lindsey Vonn With Smoking?
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Greg Oden, Part-Time Athlete, Full-Time Knee Wrecker, Is Out For The Season
Greg Oden, 82-game, 22 year-old veteran, announced today that he is surrendering another NBA season to have microfracture surgery on his left knee. It's considerate of him, really. At least he's disappointing Blazers fans a little bit earlier this year!...

Dan Snyder Makes Grandmothers Cry, And That's Just The Beginning Of It
Dave McKenna of the Washington City Paper has compiled an A-Z guide of all the things that make Redskins owner Dan Snyder awful. U is for "Unobstructed View: What Snyder wanted of the Potomac River from the back of his Montgomery County home."...