a Page 7816 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Jackie Gleason Shows Us The Proper Way To Bomb On TV: With Self-Deprecation And Booze
In 1961, Jackie Gleason hosted a game show on CBS titled You're In The Picture. It was a precursor to The Jay Leno Show and The Marriage Ref in that it was universally reviled....

Minnesota HS Hockey Player Wipes Out On TV, Guarantees Himself Brief Viral Infamy
Here's poor Zach Van Orsdel, an Alexandria defenseman playing in the Minnesota state championship, introducing himself to the television audience by doing the sort of thing that makes us all glad we're no longer in high school. [Puck Daddy]...

Stories That Don't Suck: Axl Rose, Hockey Goons, Cassius Bom-Ba-Ye, Dr. Z In The USSR
Every week, I'll excerpt a handful of stories — old and new, sports and otherwise, relevant and merely sublime — that I urge you to read for one reason or another. Send any suggestions to [email protected]....

Chad Ochocinco Unleashes Twitter Fury Upon Unsuspecting ESPN Personalities
As a person familiar with both ridiculous Twitter sissy fights and ESPN nuking, I find #85's 140-character anger towards certain WWL personalities who "showed negativity" amusing. [OGOchoCinco]...

Calling All Models Who Bartend: Ryan Braun Would Like To Hire You STAT
The Brewers' left fielder also has entrepreneurial moxie: First, it was his stunning Ream Tee fashion line; now it's his new restaurant which is looking for "models that are bartenders" to fill his "starting line up." 275 fist explosions. [B&C]...

Entrepreneurs Will Not Rest Until Every Lame Tiger Woods Joke Has Been Commodified
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Johnny Bench: On Drugs Or Just Old And Batty?
The Score did an interview with the former Reds catcher and, for the first minute, he appears disoriented in a way that's unbecoming of Hall Of Fame catcher, but thoroughly enjoyable for those of us who enjoy people babbling aimlessly....

Tailpipe: "She Looked As Sexy As Hell"
We recently discovered the incredible phenomenon of NASCAR-themed romance fiction, stories filled with passion and grease and beautiful people being driven swiftly to ecstasy and Victory Lane alike. What follows is a brief selection from one such tale....

Vicodin, A Golf Cart, And Withheld Evidence: New Details From Tiger's Thanksgving Night
New investigation records were released today regarding Tiger Woods's Escalade crash, and there's more than enough fodder in there for conspiracy theorists....

American Legal System Officially Invested In Brett Favre's Status
In the middle of the StarCaps trial, the plaintiffs' attorney asked Brad Childress — under oath — who the Vikings quarterback will be. Sixth Amendment be damned, Favre's will-he-won't-he game is anything but a speedy trial. [Star Tribune]...

Would You Let This Dude Be Your Rent-a-Dad?
The Gunderson kids did. Find out why on the series premiere of Sons of Tucson, this Sunday, March 14 at 9:30/8:30c on Fox. Trailer at the end of the delightful Ron Snuffkin gallery below....

Introducing Poopgirl: A Weekly Roundup From The Tips Forum
We get many fantastic tips in our inbox and from the #tips forum. Some are not so great. These are some of those #tips we specifically overlooked or ignored. All apologies....

Yup, That's Some Blackface At A Hockey Game
Got a highly touted prospect in the minors, and you want to show the world you're a fan? You could wear his jersey. Or, if you're in Quebec, you could break out the shoe polish and afro wigs....

Let Us Now Savor The Bitter Tears Of Michigan Fans
Current thread titles at MGoBlog's message board: "God Hates Us," "Michigan Hating God," and "At what point do I poke myself in the eye with a stick," which is about the football team. [MGoBlog, h/t BML]...

Confusing Ad Deemed Too Sexy For Colts Fans
To protect Indianapolis's youngest football fans from being forcibly shoved through puberty by deodorant marketing, the city has rejected an ad that would have gone up in Lucas Oil Stadium....

Evil Russians, Selfish Canadians Go To War Over Rubber And Graphite
Just when you thought the drama over Sidney Crosby's misplaced gear had subsided, representatives from two nations go to war with the Hockey HOF over ownership. The antagonists are a private collector from Russia, and...the city of Vancouver?...

Evan Turner Shuts Up Steve Lavin With 40-Foot Buzzer Beater
Things were looking good for the Michigan basketball team. Up two, two seconds left in the game; it was in the bag. Steve Lavin said it was the perfect example of why the conference tournaments are so great....

Fun With Anal Beads! Great Moments In Drunken Hookup Failure
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase six heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Nerds, Catholics And State Schools Vie For Meaningless Honorific
Here's a pretty fascinating look at which programs can lay claim to being the "winningest" of all time. Rich Rodriguez has a good shot at literally ruining UM's legacy. [Detroit Free Press]...

Big East Tournament Brings Out Gross Married Guys And Men Urinating In Bank Vestibules
Yes, the word "douchebags" has been overused at this point, but it is still fascinating to watch them in their natural element, especially when mixed with the toxic combo of booze, attractive correspondents and a television camera....