a Page 8308 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Whoops, Sports Aren't So Recession-Proof After All
Turns out, it's proving difficult for the next Theo Epsteins and Jerry Maguires to catapult from frat parties to their dream jobs, so they're stuck cleaning minor league stadiums and taking unpaid internships at women's tennis tournaments. Tell me about it. I would write more, but Daulerio needs lun...

Barcelona and Manchester United Fight Over World's Remaining Marbles
I think I can say without hyperbole that for soccer nuts, today is like Christmas, Fourth of July, and the Super Bowl all rolled into one—only 100 million times bigger. It's the UEFA Champions League Final Day ... and you stupid Yanks are stuck at work!...

ESPN, Take Note Of Glenn Beck
"Right now, it's the bottom of the ninth and we are down to our last out and our last strike. Will our government take strike three looking? Or, will they wake up and save the day with a heroic three pointer on a penalty shot?" Um, red card! [Glenn Beck]...

This Episode Is Guaranteed To Gross You Out
A good portion of Americans join softball leagues this time of the year. Many do it for the social aspect alone, which leaves many teams stockpiled with players who are ridiculously awful.(Warning: Disturbing images ahead.)...

Savior Of Baltimore, Fantasy Teams Everywhere To Debut Friday
Matt Wieters, who is evidently a real player and not just some sad phantom haunting Yahoo fantasy rosters, will make his major league debut for Baltimore on Friday against the Tigers. "It's time," said Orioles president of baseball operations Andy MacPhail. Adjust your rosters accordingly. [Baltimor...

Winner Winner, Shake Shack Dinner
Getcher steak sandwiches, red-hot steak sandwiches! And sushi, creamy fried flounder, grilled shrimp po' boys, lobster rolls and clam chowder — all at Yankee Stadium and Citi Field. Frank Bruni gives the culinary edge to Citi, partly because Steinbrenner and Co. offer Johnny Rockets instead of Shake...

This Is Why Football Does Not Have Innings
A ridiculous experiment in "inning-based" football degenerated into a bench-clearing, crowd-rioting brawl, all because former Michigan quarterback Todd Collins does not understand the basic principles of clock management....

'Whole Lot Of People Puckered Up' After Florida Steroid Bust, Says Comical Backwoods Sheriff
What happens when you mix steroid hysteria with two self-aggrandizing backwoods halfwits on either side of the law? This: "What investigators aren't sure of is whether Richard Thomas, 35, is telling the truth when he said ... he sold mostly to professional athletes," specifically those on the Capita...

A Game Of “Healthy Fat Or Unhealthy Fat” With Martellus Bennett
Our Deadcast guest this week is none other than Martellus Bennett: tight end for the Dallas Cowboys, expert blogger and renowned Twitter fiend....

College Kid Sleeps On Toilet Before Amazing Runs
College student Justin Weber didn't have a hotel room the night before running a big ten-mile race, so he slept in a port-a-john. Then he won the race in the morning. I don't know about you, but I think that story is a bunch of crap. [The Jock Itch]...

Sidney Crosby Taunts The Hockey Gods
The Penguins polished off a nice cold pitcher of Hurricanes last night, earning a return trip to the Stanley Cup Finals and a chance at redemption. Then captain Sidney Crosby just thumbed his nose at all that by skating around the ice with the Prince of Wales Trophy....

NYC Athletes Address The Evils Of The Internet
Gary Sheffield has a solution, though: "It shouldn't be against the law to take the picture, but to post it and say something negative I think should be against the law. It's like an invasion of privacy." [NYP]...

Uh Oh, Cleveland
No one is saying the city of Cleveland should be panicking right now, but it does seem like hoarding canned goods and putting your life savings into mason jars would not be the worst idea in the world. All is ... not well....

Scary Old She-Male In Plastic Gold Jacket Haunts The Sidelines (UPDATE)
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...

Guess Who's Back...Back Again
‘When I was playing every week, I bitched about the little things. Like, God, we've got to go outside today? It's raining! Or, why is Bill dunking the ball in soap? Or, why do we have a meeting at 7:30 to talk about everything we've already talked about." [SI]...

The Cavaliers Have A Couple Of Things On Their Mind
LeBron James is doing everything he possibly can to keep the Cavs in it and to stave off the possible Posnanski Curse that is now creeping up on the NBA's "best" team. Can Mike Brown save the Cavaliers from boobdom?...

Chinese Investors Eye Stake In Cavs, Signifying Something Or Other About LeBron
Over the weekend came news that a group of Chinese investors were looking to buy a 15 percent stake in the Cleveland Cavaliers. This is a big deal, not least because it would mean the Chinese now own most of our debt and a share of our favorite basketball player....

Tim Tebow Turns Away Hotter Stuff Than You Can Dream Of
Percy Harvin, presented without comment: "If I could trade places for a day with anyone: Tim Tebow....We saw all kind of actors and news reporters just kind of blatantly say, "Tebow, I want you." And he turned them down. I'm looking at him, like, "Man, you are crazy." [Pioneer Press]...

What's A Little Theft And Fraud Between Teammates?
Anthone Lott is a Florida Gator through and through. He's so devoted to his alma mater and his former championship teammates that when he wants to swindle someone in a crooked construction deal, only fellow Gator cornerbacks will do for marks....

Anquan Boldin To Drew Rosenhaus: You Have Failed Me, Now Go
Boldin fires Rosenhaus; Rosenhaus makes lemonade: "I'm hopeful we can work this out and he can return to the Rosenhaus Sports family in the near future. We are proud to continue to represent his brother, D.J. Boldin."[ESPN]...