a Page 8387 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Undeniable Attraction Between George W. And Jennie Finch Continues
Classic. Our fearless leader, President George W. Bush had another Olympic photo-op taken in Beijing and once again he's almost caught shit-kicker eye-ballin' softball babe Jennie Finch. If he would like to continue this clandestine ogling he should really do it while there aren't cameras pointed in...
Charlie Weis Would Not Like To Discuss The Beer Olympics, Thank You
At the annual Notre Dame media conferenceNotre Dame head coach Charlie Weis used a brilliant Rosenhausian tactic in response to the Jimmy Clausen might-be-drinking photos that have caused such a clamor in South Bend recently. Instead of "Next question", Weis chose the equally effective and equally d...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch after taking your grandchild out for a little fresh air ... • Boxing: Light heavyweights, Tavoris Cloud vs. Julio Cesar Gonzalez, at Chicago (9 p.m., ET). Tavoris Cloud warnings are nothing to take lightly in the Midwest. [ESPN2] • Little League Baseball: Southeast regional final, at S...
For Those Of You Who Can't Wait Until Tonight To See The Chinese People Go Crazy With The Fireworks
Here's a quick video montage of the opening ceremonies at the Beijing Olympics from this morning (last night? what time is it?) and it's quite as impressive and terrifying as reported: fireworks that resemble a mushroom cloud, flying Chinese fairy children, more fireworks, light displays, FIREWORKS...
College Football Team Previews Start Next Week
We're rolling out the top 25 according to the coaches' poll. Since no NCAA Champion has come from outside the top 25 since back in 1984, this should cover all contenders. I see you kicking your dog Florida State, Alabama, and Boston College fans. The premise is similar to the NCAA Tournament preview...
Aaron Rodgers Just Needs A Hug
It's what every kid dreads at back-to-school time: bullies. And Aaron Rodgers is more sensitive than most. Spent the off-season frolicking in the backyard inflatable pool with his sister and his dog Grover, and making sugar cookies with mom. And now that he's the starting quarterback for the Packers...
Consider Us Your Source For Round-The-Clock Chad Pennington News
From the be-careful-what-you-wish-for department (it's right next to children's wear): The closure of the Brett Favre saga has opened the door for a piping hot helping of fresh quarterback speculation, starring Chad Pennington! This may shock those of you who thought that, after his release from the...
I'm Sorry I Put Window Pane In Mel's Quail
You got a lot of nerve. You come in here, you lick my wife's armpit. You know... I'm going to have that image in my head for the rest of my life with your tongue in there. If you're seeing colors you don't want to see or hearing music coming from the table, then you're ready to become a Deadspin adv...
Afternoon Blogdome: LA Times Writer Bill Plaschke Is Much More Tolerable With A Mouthful Of Penis
• This probably won't be discussed on Around The Horn: LA Times writer Bill Plaschke and Chicago Tribune writer Kevin Pang sample the elegant penis cuisine of Beijing. So, if you've ever been so incensed by Plaschke's writing and wished he would just "eat a big bowl of penis," congratulations — it c...
Lakers Agree to Terms With "Chinese Magic Johnson"
The Chinese Magic Johnson's name is Sun Yue and he's a 6'9 Chinese point guard who is also fond of colorful sweaters, creating his own words that don't exist while speaking, and smiling no matter how serious the occasion. The Lakers drafted Sun in the second round of the 2007 draft, and the Eastern ...
ESPN's Featured Comment Of The Week
ESPN scoured its message boards to find its cleverest, boldest, most enlightening comment, and chose this one above all others ... • "For best Olympic torch-lighting moment, I'd have to go with the '94 Lillehammer Games." — Yanks_Jets_Knicks4lifePrevious ESPN Featured Comment of the Week, plus a Fea...
Hugh Hefner Goes to Madden Launch Parties?
And they serve Madden-tinis there? Whoever came up with that concept needs to be forced to watch the entire season ofTell Me You Love Me without the sex scenes. Look, I play video games. Occasionally I get to have sex. But have we really gotten to the point where sex and video games are wedded this...
Settle Down Everyone; There's No Manny Probe
The Boston Globe reported today that Bud Selig was ordering an investigation into the Manny Ramirez trade; specifically looking at allegations that agent Scott Boras orchestrated the whole thing. But no, gun-jumpers; no soup for you. Selig said that he just had a couple of follow-up questions, and t...
Gigantic AT&T Logo Of Doom Rings In Olympic Games
Look, coming out of the floor ... it's the Death Star! Aiieee! It all began in Nov., 2005, when China rolled out its nightmare-inducing Olympic mascots, which may or may not include a two-footed goat. And now it culminates in an orgasm of pomp, color and spectacle — like Walt Disney throwing up, as ...
Kobe Bryant Says He'd Go to Italy For $50 Million
Not content to allow LeBron James to sweep up all the attention for his leaked interest in going overseas for $50 million, Kobe Bryant stepped into the fray yesterday from Beijing. Telling The Boston Globe that he'd go to Italy for $50 million a year. You know, sooner or later the NBA brass might ha...
Reporter Doused By Blue-Painted Cubs Fan Outside Wrigley Field
Molly Dapier was doing freelance reporting for mouthpiece sports outside Wrigley Field. She's a tall, attractive blond reporter who appears to be minding her own business. Unbeknownst to her, however, a Chicago Cubs fan covered entirely in blue paint decided that he needed to dump a cooler full of w...
Shocking Indecency, Kiss Cams And The Natural Aphrodisiac That Is Peyton Manning
Once upon a time, a site called The Black Table had a regular feature entitled Waxing Off, in which women gathered in an online roundtable to discuss issues of the day, and also to make fun of Will Leitch's shoes. And so we got to thinking: With so many great female sports bloggers out there, why no...
Ohio University Lineman Wins $250k in Lottery
Mike Eynon, a 6'3 305 pound senior lineman, walked into a BP just off campus and emerged with a winning ticket. As befits life as an indentured servant to the NCAA, one of his first telephone calls was to the campus compliance officer to ensure that winning the award didn't violate NCAA rules. He go...
San Diego Padres Owner Loses Owner's Box After Wife Files For Divorce
At least for April, May, June, and July. Which given the Padres start to the season was probably a blessing in disguise. Now John Moores is fighting to regain custody of the box. (Yeah, I know.) But his wife doesn't want to give up the box. (Ditto.) And the attorneys are up in arms trying to equita...