a Page 8492 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Saints Be Praised: St. Paul Rewriting The Book On Baseball Promotions
Welcome To Minor Enterprise, in which we celebrate the world of minor league baseball promotions, and occasionally help local police solve crimes. Today, a profile on the Independent American Association's St. Paul Saints, who are blazing new trails in creative baseball promotion....
The West Coast Bias And The Drinking Wall
This is BALLS DEEP With Big Daddy Drew (Balls® is a registered trademark and has been used with the expressed written consent of AJ Daulerio). It's gonna be like an SI Point After column, only with dick jokes. You can email him here....
Man: The Edmonds Thing Is Really Happening
Augh ... man, the Cubs really did sign Jim Edmonds. Other than Pujols or Willie McGee signing with those guys, we can't imagine our brains hurting more than they do to see this. And we're sure Cubs fans don't feel any better about it. Proceed with extreme caution, Jim; Cards fans can no longer prot...
Yes, He Can
• Barack Obama's brother-in-law talks about his new job at Oregon State. [Blazers Edge] • Rioting because of television problems. [Machochip] • So, we guess Big Brown's definitely gonna win, right? [Rumors And Rants] • How to heckle the Twins. [Heckler's Prospectus] • Why can't O.J. Mayo hire an age...
Barkley's Gambling Dumb-Assery May Have Finally Caught Up To Him
Charles Barkley's love of gambling has reached a breaking point for one Las Vegas casino, which is now suing him for $400,000 in unpaid debts....
Media Approval Ratings: John Clayton
In our book, we said this about John Clayton: "Often resembles the guy in RoboCop after he falls in the toxic waste just before he's squished by the oncoming car." Someone classified this as "mean." We prefer, as always, "cheeky."...
Forget Everything You Think You Know About Kyle Farnsworth
No word from The Dugout on this just yet, but it's only a matter of time. Yes, if you thought you knew Kyle Farnsworth — Grand Theft Farnsworth! — YOU HAVE NO IDEA....
ESPN's Featured Comment Of The Day
ESPN scoured its message boards this morning to find its cleverest, boldest, most enlightening comment, and chose this one above all others ......
Ken Griffey Jr. Is Quite The Rapscallion
It has been pleasant to watch Ken Griffey Jr., who played with such joy as a youth before becoming surly in his mid-career, rediscover the mirth, the smile, that made us all adore him. As his time has wound down, he has loosened up and enjoyed himself, tossing jockstraps to fans and, yesterday, fi...
Orioles Magic ... Uh, Catch It, Or Something
We're not sure anyone other than Kevin Millar is in on the joke here, but alas: Here's "Orioles Magic," the new/old/new theme song for the Baltimore Orioles, sung by the Baltimore Orioles, rocked out by the Baltimore Orioles....
Cubs Have Second-Best Record In Baseball! (Me No Like Bizarro World)
If it weren't for those insufferable Diamondbacks, who play in the NL West and therefore should only get to count every other win, the Chicago Cubs would be our new overlords. As it is the Northsiders have a 24-16 record after their 8-5 win over the Padres on Wednesday, one game worse than Arizona's...
A Tale Thirty-Three Years in the Making?
The NHL Closer is written by five epic heroes from Melt Your Face Off. When not slaying the monsters on goalie masks, they constantly polish their swords. Raskolnikov recounts last night's act of valor....
All Together: There Really IS No Place Like Home
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who's starting to think HE could beat one of these squads on his homecourt. That's how impossible it is for NBA teams to win on the road right now. When he's not having delusions of grandeur here, he can be found having delusion of grandeur at Basketbawful....
About Last Night
What you missed while plotting to catch the roadrunner in a perfect storm of ACME mayhem ... • MLB: The Adventures of Robinson Cano ... Yankees strike back, end Rays' win streak. • NBA: Kevin Garnett really does prefer those home uniforms. Celtics 96, Cavaliers 89. • NHL: Stars alive!...
Our Long National Nightmare Might Really Be Over
Although there have been rumors circulating for the last couple days via every gossip blog on the planet, there was still no real confirmation as to whether or not Cowboys' singing sensation Tony Romo and his personal ample-breasted quarterback Jessica Simpson had called it quits....
To Watch Tonight
What to watch after a man in a gorilla suit steals your pants ... • Horse racing: Preakness post position draw, at Baltimore (5 p.m., ET). Do not bother me for the next two hours! [ESPN2] • MLB: Atlanta at Philadelphia (7 p.m., ET). Bring me the head of the Phillie Phanatic. [ESPN] • NBA: Eastern Co...
Reggie Miller Does Not Believe In Shot Glasses Or Belvedere
Yes, that's former Indiana Pacers sharpshooter Reggie Miller filling the mouth of what appears to be a very thirsty woman with a few fingers of Grey Goose....
Not Quite A Mark McGwire Sighting, But Close
It's been a while since we've seen Mark McGwire. Wait ... was that him at that Obama rally yesterday? OK, no, that wasn't him. But admit it: You wouldn't be surprised if he looked like this now....
Prepare Thyself For Impending Debut Of Barbaro's Brother. Oy
Just because you have a famous brother doesn't mean that you will approach the heights of greatness yourself, as anyone who has seen a Daniel Baldwin movie will readily attest. We've previously written about Barbaro's younger brother, of course, but now the horse — named Nicanor — is ready to make ...