aba Page 141 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Last Night's Winner: The Brett Favre Miracle
The following comprises actual phrases from actual stories written about a quarterback who last night performed the miracle of transfiguring his old ass off the injured list. These are taken verbatim....
Keith McCants Got Arrested On Crack-Related Charges Again
In 1990, the Tampa Bay Buccanners made Keith McCants the number four pick in the NFL draft. Didn't really work out. Yesterday, he logged his sixth drug-related arrest since Feb. 2008....
Natty Light Fueled Alabama Fan Gits Into Some Real Profane Talk 'Bout Auburn
Remember in Apocalypse Now when Kurtz gets to talking about watching snails crawl along the edge of a razor blade. Now that Auburn dropped the Gamecocks 56-17, this gentleman is more likely than not out-Brandoing Brando....
Alabama Football Staffer Fired For Playing "Take the Money and Run" Before Iron Bowl
The university announced that the part-time employee was fired for playing "unauthorized" music at Bryant-Denny Stadium. The unauthorized music also happened to be directed at Auburn quarterback Cam Newton....
Alabama Gas Station Makes Shopping For Contraception, Saban Photos Easier
Shopping season is upon us and tipster Nick B. sends in a suggestion for those looking to procure pre-framed images of Alabama Crimson Tide head coaches: Just find the jimmy hats....
Nevada Fans See Boise Drivin' 'Round Town With The BCS Bid They Love, And They're Like, F*ck You
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....
So, Yeah, Auburn's Losing By A Lot
It's 24-7 Alabama at halftime of the Iron Bowl. We're 30 minutes away from the BCS shitstorm to end all BCS shitstorms. At least the NCAA could take their time with the Cam Newton investigation....
What Objects Are We Putting In Our Rectums?
Let's have some more fun with the Sun-Sentinel's emergency room database, shall we? Here's a list of various objects that in various contexts were lodged in various rectums. Verbatim:...
Another Children's Treasury Of Bizarre Injuries
Last year, we brought you some highlights from the Sun-Sentinel's database of emergency room visits. They've updated it for the holidays, so we've picked it through for some of the stranger hospitalizations....
Last Night's Winner: Goals, Goals, Goals
Here are the highlights of the Lightning/Flyers game; they're about 40 minutes long. That's because the teams managed to combine for 15 goals, all but one of them coming in the first two periods....
Cranky Old Man Chides Everyone For Enjoying YouTube Clip
Frank Deford on that whimsical middle school trick play: "It wasn't genius at all; rather, it was a form of child abuse."...
If You're Into Watching Nick Saban Spank Young Men, Today's Your Lucky Day
Here's video of Alabama coach Nick Saban having a heated conversation/keeping his pimp-hand strong with backup QB A.J. McCarron last night....
Auburn Fans React To Cam Newton Scandal By Shrieking At ESPN Reporter
ESPN's Mark Schlabach was one of three reporters on a story alleging that a self-proclaimed representative of Cam Newton demanded a six-figure payment for Newton's signature on a letter of intent. Saturday, Schlabach was outside Auburn's Jordan-Hare Stadium. How'd fans treat him?...
Your College Football Afternoon Games Open Thread
Two Top-10 matchups: TCU at Utah (um, "national championship" atmosphere?) and Alabama at LSU. Two Top-4 teams playing: Oregon hosts Washington and Boise State hosts Hawaii. And, Nebraska makes its last conference-rival visit to Iowa Fucking State....
Philadelphia Inquirer Writer Compares Phillies Loss To 1906 San Francisco Earthquake
"When it was over, the town was a charred, smoldering mess—a blackened patch of scorched earth that left the survivors shocked and shattered as they tried to figure out what happened and how to move forward."...
Bill Self Dresses Up As One-Hit Wonder Vanilla Ice For Kansas's Late Night In The Phog
Kansas coach Bill Self told 16,500 fans that the 2008 title "was great," but it's time to "cut down some more nets." Then, the one-time champion came out dressed as Vanilla Ice, who some might call a one-hit wonder....
Your "It's Tuesday, What Are You Going To Watch, Hockey?" Rangers-Rays Open Thread
This one's for all the marbles. Well, not the ALCS and WS marbles, those come later. But this is the first division series since 2005 to go the distance, so enjoy....
Your "Carl Crawford Salute Says It's Already Over" Tampa Bay/Texas Open Thread
Down 6-0 to the Rangers in the 8th, Carl Crawford swung at the first pitch and grounded out to second. The fans chanted his name anyway since it was probably his last game as a Ray at Tropicana Field....
Rays Fans Just Blue Themselves
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....
Your "Who Do You Have Besides Cliff Lee" Rangers-Rays Open Thread
C.J. Wilson? In game two. You sure? Okay, whatever you need to do. Discuss the revenge of DJ Kitty in the comments below....