aba Page 76 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Alabama Doinks Kicks Because Nick Saban Is A Weirdo
Alabama opened the second half of tonight’s national championship game down 15 points to Clemson. It should’ve been 14 points, but kicker Joseph Bulovas missed the extra point after Alabama’s second touchdown, and Clemson has had the lead ever since....
Tua Tagovailoa Throws Two Touchdowns To Two Teams In First Three Minutes Of National Championship Game
Tonight’s national championship game got off to a hot start—or, anyway, it got off to a hot start after Clemson ran through a jittery three-and-out on the game’s opening possession. Following Clemson’s punt, two quick rhythm completions had Alabama in business near midfield, but Tua Tagovailoa teleg...
Rays Announce They're Getting Rid Of Their Cheapest Seats
The Tampa Bay Rays’ attendance issues are well-documented. So that’s likely to be the most prominent framing for stories about the team’s announcement today of an offseason stadium renovation that will reduce seating capacity by more than 5,000. And, sure, that’s embarrassing, but Rays ownership wou...
What Horrible Things Did We Do To Our Penises Last Year?<em></em>
Happy new year, one and all. This year, resolve to take better care of your dick and balls; last year you did a really bad job of it....
Alabama Did What Alabama Does To Oklahoma
In Saturday’s first 17 minutes of game time, Alabama reeled off 28 straight points to knock down Oklahoma before anyone at the Orange Bowl had a chance to buy a second beer. That early lead proved to be the cushion Alabama needed to coast to an easy, if not entirely calm, victory in Miami. The final...
Alabama Football Player Stops Himself From Saying Something Interesting About Kyler Murray
When asked a question about Heisman Trophy winner and Oklahoma quarterback Kyler Murray, Alabama defensive lineman Quinnen Williams almost gave an honest answer in advance of Saturday night’s Orange Bowl....
Tommy Pham Says The Rays Have "Really No Fan Base At All"
Talks with area officials on a potential new stadium fell apart earlier this month, so the Rays are back in their generation-long limbo. Perhaps matters in Oakland are more pressing for MLB, but eventually, something’s going to have to give here—and as Rays outfielder Tommy Pham so brutally but accu...
Andrei Vasilevskiy Was Bug-Eyed With Disbelief At His Own Save
It was maybe not a game you’d have expected much excitement from. The Lightning lead the entire rest of the NHL, by a healthy margin, and haven’t lost in regulation since November. The Flyers, on the other hand, are scraping the bottom of the East and have already canned their coach and GM. But a mi...
What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums Last Year?<em></em>
It’s here! It’s finally here! Every year it seems like the big day will never come, but it’s here. It’s the day to gather with your family and friends ‘round the hearth, warm beverages and sweet treats at the ready, and have a hearty chortle over the things America stuck inside itself and couldn’t r...
CC Sabathia Got To Curse Out The Rays <i>And</i> Got His $500,000 Bonus
CC Sabathia finished the 2018 regular season six outs shy of a performance bonus in his contract that would have paid him $500,000 for reaching 155 innings. He would have gotten it, had life and Tampa Bay not intervened. In his final start he was rolling through five, having thrown only 55 pitches, ...
This Nightmarish Bulls Season Appears To Be Wearing On Poor Horace Grant
The Bulls lost to the Magic in Mexico City Thursday night, in a game that was mostly uneventful, apart from leading scorer and leadership council member Zach LaVine hearing an ominous pop in his lower leg on a late drive. Some interesting news came after the game, when ESPN reported that Jabari Park...
The Difference In The East Could Be Andrei Vasilevskiy
In a just world, the Lightning and Maple Leafs would meet in the Eastern Conference final. But it is not a just world, and because the two clear best teams in the East also happen to be the two best teams in the Atlantic Division, the NHL’s playoff format puts the two on track for a second-round sho...
Report: "Narcissistic Sociopath" D.J. Durkin Is A Consultant At Alabama Now
D.J. Durkin was finally fired by the University of Maryland in October after a player died on his watch, an investigative report found a “toxic” culture in the football program, much of the rest of his team threatened revolt, the university president resigned, and the state’s governor took him to ta...
Tua Tagovailoa Admits In Tone-Deaf <i>College Gameday</i> Segment That<em></em> His Dad Would Beat Him With A Belt After Bad Performances
ESPN aired a segment on College Gameday that focused on Heisman-favorite Tua Tagovailoa. The video began as a celebration of the Alabama quarterback’s cultural roots in Hawaii and his family, with images of the state’s beaches and the word “ohana” flashing across the screen. But the profile quickly ...
Jameis Winston Settles Sexual Assault Lawsuit With Uber Driver
Tampa Bay Buccaneers QB Jameis Winston has reached a settlement in the lawsuit filed by a woman identified as “Kate P.,” an Uber driver who accused Winston of groping her during a ride in March 2016, according to a notice of settlement filed in Arizona court on Monday. ...
Alabama Gives Up First November Touchdown To The Citadel
Alabama’s defense has been quite good this month. Both Mississippi State and LSU laid up big fat goose eggs against the Crimson Tide, despite both teams being worthy of top-25 rankings. But The Citadel Bulldogs, a non-conference visiting opponent, had no issue breaking that scoreless trend against t...
Jacob DeGrom Won The NL Cy Young And It Wasn't Even Close
Playing for the Mets didn’t impede Jacob deGrom’s NL Cy Young chances in the slightest. Despite only putting up a 10-9 record due to his hitters giving him some of the worst run support in the league, the Mets ace wasn’t penalized for his lack of wins, and he blew away Max Scherzer in the voting. De...
Ass Team Of The Week: The Buccaneers Were Killed By Their Own Hot, Compressed Farts
The Tampa Bay Buccaneers lost 16-3 to Washington on Sunday, but just about every number save for the final score says the Bucs were the better team. They out-gained Washington in yards nearly two-to-one—it was 501 to 286 when the final whistle blew—and yards per play (7.5 to 5.2), and had nearly dou...
This Ain't It, Team That Appropriates A Chief
The Skins beat the Buccaneers 16-3 yesterday, and apparently a victory over a three-win squad gave some social media doofus the gumption to try to dunk on the losers online....