ac Page 813 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Ultimate Super Bowl Snack Semifinals Start NOW. VOTE!
You God-damned animals voted Ridged Chips out? In favor of Kettle Chips??? What kind of perversion is this? Fine, you know what? Go scratch, more Ruffles for me....
How To Win A Swordfight
Let's say a gentleman scandalizes your lady at a bar. Rude, right? Let's say he poisons your father to get closer to your mother. Ruder, I'd say. But what're you gonna do about it? Today, such matters are usually resolved via graceless brawls involving a combination of wrestling and hair-pulling. ...
Arsenal Takes 3-1 Lead With Beautiful Soccer
Send stories, photos, and anything else you might have to [email protected]....
Wilfried Bony Wrecks Defender With Nutmegging Elastico
Technically, this Malian defender did well not letting Ivory Coast's Wilfried Bony score here, but while sitting on his ass after Bony embarrassed him by flicking an elastico between his legs, I wonder if the guy thought he'd have been better off letting the striker walk on by....
Fake Kevin Steele Twitter Account Caught Sliding Into DMs To Recruit
Earlier this month LSU hired Alabama linebackers coach Kevin Steele to be their new defensive coordinator. He quickly started up a Twitter account and hit the road recruiting, trying to help LSU bounce back from a disappointing 8-5 season. Former LSU baseball player (and two time World Series champi...
Manchester City, Chelsea, Tottenham, Southampton All Lose In FA Cup
It is time for the wonderful FA Cup, England's storied knockout tournament contested among almost every team in the country, where in theory a Sunday pub team could produce a run of stunning results and win the whole shebang. But if you look at the list of FA Cup winners from the last quarter cent...
The Ultimate Super Bowl Snack Divisional Finals Are Upon Us. VOTE!
Big Peanut took a page out of Big Avocado's playbook, attempting to throw my bracket by ginning up Twitter support. Big Peanut did not succeed....
<i>RoboCop </i>Is The Best Movie Ever Made
In fourth grade, I went to school every day with a RoboCop lunchbox. In retrospect, this seems insane. RoboCop is arguably the bleakest, most violent, most nihilistic movie ever made by an American studio. Every scene seems to drip with malice even when nothing especially dramatic is happening. It's...
Colts Player: Officials Stopped Using Patriots' Balls In The First Half
Because the NFL investigation is taking its sweet time (they haven't spoken to Tom Brady yet), and because it'll never reveal anything useful anyway, we're forced to piece together the details and the timeline of how the Patriots' deflated-ball scandal played out. This interview helps immensely: it'...
Three Players Ejected After Punches Thrown In Auburn-Alabama Fight
Alabama's Breanna Hayden and Meoshonti Knight and Auburn's Hasina Muhammad all earned ejections during the first half of the Crimson Tide-Tigers game in Tuscaloosa tonight after a fight that featured a few punches and one tumbling referee....
Report: Lieutenant Called "The Cleaner" Also Steelers Security Chief
ESPN's Outside The Lines is reporting today that the head of security for the Pittsburgh Steelers since 2001 has at the same time continued working as a high-ranking law enforcement officer in the Allegheny County Sheriff's Office. This sure looks like a potential conflict of interest, and ESPN's St...
Last Night's <i>Hannity</i> Just Couldn't Stop Talking About Ballsacks
It's no surprise Ballghazi is taking over the cable news airwaves, but the national nets have sadly been too humble or afraid to utter the necessary term "ballsack." American patriot Sean Hannity's program is the home of real talk, though, and last night they just couldn't stop talking about ballsac...
The Future Song "Peacoat" Is About Fashion And Peeing On A Girl
Atlanta rapper Future and beloved veteran producer Zaytoven just put out a great new mixtape called Beast Mode. It includes a song called "Peacoat," which is about both high fashion and watersports, because hip-hop wordplay is alive and well! ...
Baylor Played An NAIA Team For The Sake Of A Dopey Movie
There's a noticeable oddity among today's college basketball box scores: The Baylor Bears, a nationally ranked Division I team, beat the hell out of the Huston-Tillotson Rams, an NAIA team that has a few Division I schools on its schedule, but has no real business playing against the big boys. The m...
Long-Limbed Kevin Durant Obliterates Marcin Gortat With Dunk
It is a good thing that Marcin Gortat is a goofy-ass guy with funny hair, who chills watching porn on Saturday night, and has a humvee and pig to play with, because this is the kind of dunk that could ruin a man without a balanced perspective on life. ...
NCAA Investigating Academic Fraud At 20 Colleges
Remember that academic fraud scandal at UNC, the one that revealed the term "student-athlete" to be just as hollow and fraudulent as you always assumed it was? Well, get ready to start hearing about many more scandals just like it....
Round 2 Of The Ultimate Super Bowl Snack Playoffs Starts NOW! Vote!
Cheese & Crackers very nearly pulled off a huge upset. The 8-seed, matched up against football snack staple Nacho Cheese Doritos, was almost left off the bracket entirely because your bracketeer thought it perhaps a touch too bougie for this exercise. Which is insane, when you consider that the sa...
How To Conquer Sticky Spills With Patience (Or None At All)
Jolie Kerr is a cleaning expert and advice columnist. She'll be here every week helping to answer your filthiest questions. Are you dirty? Check the Squalor Archive for assistance. Are you still dirty? Email her....