ac Page 870 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
That Isn't George Bush, Sir
Jaguars safety Johnathan Cyprien, that is not George W. Bush. If you were cracking a joke, then it's pretty funny. But that's not actually George W. Bush, or his father, George H.W. Bush. It's just some different white guy with beady eyes....
Russell Westbrook Slips And Falls While Blocking A Worthless Shot
Thunder point guard Russell Westbrook has two modes: "on" and "torn meniscus."...
Fan Gives David West A Solid Slap On The Butt
Pacers forward David West has eight points at halftime in Thunder-Pacers. One fan showed her support in the form of a butt slap. We'll see if he lights it up in the second half, now....
Manny Pacquiao's Mom Wins WBO Welterweight Title Fight
Manny Pacquiao avenged his loss to Timothy Bradley tonight in Las Vegas, earning back the WBO welterweight belt. But the real winner of the match was Manny's mom, whose, uh, enthusiastic praying led many observers to question if she was putting a hex on Bradley....
Here's The Closest Thing To A Lacrosse Buzzer-Beater
Waterford's Jacob Mika took a full-field heave with a few seconds left in the first quarter, and Riverton's goalie was either not paying attention or lost the ball in the sky, because Mika's buzzer-beater went in for a 6-0 lead....
Bo Pelini Leads His Team Out The Tunnel With A Cat
Nebraska football head coach Bo Pelini walked out of the tunnel with a cat for today's spring game. Even if you don't get the inside joke, it's still pretty funny....
How Serious Is Tony Parker's Back Injury?
Tonight, Tony Parker will likely miss his third straight game with a back injury, and more than a few assume that Parker's "injury" is really just a cover for Gregg Popovich to rest his star before the playoffs. The injury, tweeted April 7th from the Spurs' official account as "a sprained facet join...
Name Of The Year 2014 Final: Shamus Beaglehole Vs. Chillie Poon
This is it. This is the showdown we've waited an entire year for (OK, more like five months). In one corner, we have Shamus Beaglehole: English footballer, #3 seed of the Sithole Regional, vanquisher of Curvaceous Bass and Dr. Loki Skylizard, and bearer of a last name that sounds like an old man's c...
Yes, You Can Wash A Pillow
Jolie Kerr is a cleaning expert and advice columnist. She'll be here every other week helping to answer your filthiest questions. Are you dirty? Check The Squalor Archive for assistance. Are you still dirty? Email her. ...
Hawk Harrelson Should Probably Not Suggest "Asians" Are "Deceptive"
Chen-Chang Lee is a pitcher for the Indians. He's from Taiwan. During tonight's broadcast of Cleveland's bout in Chicago against the White Sox, horrible broadcaster Ken "Hawk" Harrelson painted Lee with some broad and ambiguously racist strokes....
Sriracha Declared A Public Nuisance; Civilization To Collapse
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, motherfuckers: It tolls for sriracha. In a unanimous, bourgeois-food-world-rocking vote Wednesday evening, the City Council of Irwindale, California declared the noxious hot-sauce fumes emitting from the town's Huy Fong Foods factory a [dun dun dun] public nuisance....
Meet April Atkins, Once The World's Strongest 7th-Grader
You might think that a huge amount of information about a 12-year-old girl once celebrated as the "world's strongest seventh-grader" would surely exist online. That's the sort of thing ARPANET was built for, wasn't it? That, and allowing mainframe computers all over the world to talk to one another....
David Ortiz Goes On Slowest Home Run Trot On Record
Thanks to our friends at Tater Trot Tracker, who have been timing home run trots for years now, we know that nobody takes his time getting around the bases quite like David Ortiz does....
The MLB Pundits Are Back. Will They Be Less Of A Disaster In 2014?
In what is becoming an annual tradition, we ask the question: Will this year finally be the one where the baseball pundits turn it around? After a string of terrible prediction seasons from 2009-2012 (see details), the "experts" followed it up with a truly pitiful 2013, in which no one picked either...
Pacers Bench All Five Starters, Still Beat Bucks
When Pacers coach Frank Vogel announced he would sit all five starters for last night's game against the Bucks, it was like a thought experiment come to life. Can a good team's second unit beat the starters of a historically awful team? It was close, but...yes!...
Baseline Bathroom Standards: Let's Do This
The rise of AirBnB—and the existence of Airpnp, which allows you to tap-tap-tap on your tiny computer telephones and find a friendly bathroom in which to take a whiz when no acceptable public option is available—makes necessary a conversation about what amenities a bathroom should feature, and what ...
Paul George, In Two Charts
Kirk Goldsberry has a new post on Paul George over at Grantland, which you should go read. It includes the charts above, which tell the story of George's shooting numbers sinking like a bag of anvils, and some of that is hard to figure, like the numbers close to the rim. But some is really hard to e...
Ashley Wagner's Still Got It
Send stories, photos, and anything else you might have to [email protected]....
Vin Scully Makes Even Stories About Crack Pipes Endearing
Detroit is out in Los Angeles for interleague play tonight, which means America's most valuable treasure Vin Scully has the opportunity to discuss some players he doesn't often see. One Tiger Vin's plenty familiar with is former Angels outfielder Torii Hunter, and the Dodgers announcer took his thir...