aces Page 7 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Zombie John Harbaugh Couldn't Stand To See His Brother-In-Law's Season End
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One Of The Brewers' Racing Sausages Is Missing
Disaster in Milwaukee: Guido the Italian Sausage, pictured above to the far left, was last seen barhopping in a local suburb the weekend before last, only it's not clear who was wearing the $3,000 costume or where it went....
Sandra Bullock Should Take Up Weightlifting
Sandra Bullock had some trouble opening the envelope for Best Editing last night, and perhaps she might avoid such embarrassing circumstances in the future if she starts a weightlifting regimen. After all, she's already got the liftface down pat....
Jason Whitlock Is Sad He Can't Win A Pulitzer, So We Made A Special Prize For Him
We at Deadspin can't bear the thought of hardworking, important, tell-it-like-it-is writers being denied the pleasure of winning major awards. That's why we were so heartbroken this morning for Fox Sports columnist and nascent dwarf planet Jason Whitlock, who took to his alma mater's daily newspaper...
By The End Of Last Night's Loss To Washington, Eli Manning Was A Spaced-Out Zombie
The Washington Redskins held on for a 17-16 home win over the Giants last night in a win that had team owner and legendary shitweasel Dan Snyder claiming "I hate those motherfuckers."...
The Most Exciting Action Of The Weekend Was In This Kids Relay Race
Even without betting on them, the races and games held during stoppages in play of sporting events are often the most thrilling action of the day; it's possible I miss the mites games between periods more than anything else during the NHL lockout. This relay race, from half time of yesterday's Sou...
This Florida Fan's Spooky Stare During Saturday's Game Might Be The Scariest Thing You See This Halloween Season
The Florida Gators rode a series of Gamecocks mistakes to a blowout win Saturday over South Carolina, but it seems not every fan in Gainesville was impressed by the performance. Here's one gentleman that despite being surrounded by excited young fans spends his time staring into the camera with a...
If Only For A Moment, Lane Kiffin Was Panicked
While USC cruised to a 38-28 win over Utah in Salt Lake City last night—scoring 28 unanswered points along the way—things did not start out smoothly for the Trojans. Back-to-back turnovers on the first two drives set the Utes up for easy scores, and Utah jumped out to a 14-0 lead before a rowdy, if...
An Arizona Turnover Against Oregon Last Night Resulted In One Of The All-Time Great Sideline Reactions
Oregon obliterated an inexplicably ranked Arizona team 49-0 last night, relying on its rapid-fire offense and five Wildcats turnovers to blow out Rich Rodriguez's squad. (Note to pollsters: beating a team you mistakenly ranked in the preseason shouldn't impress you.)...
Joe Biden Was Ecstatic When He Learned We Finally Got A College Football Playoff
We take a rare excursion away from sports today, as this screencap is simply too good not to post. The Vice President delivered a rousing acceptance speech for his re-nomination last night in Charlotte, though it's unclear exactly why he felt it necessary to do the Joker routine....
John Elway Has Become That Dude Playing Dollar Blackjack At The Golden Nugget
This is from Sunday, but it's so priceless we had to take a look at it. John Elway, perhaps the greatest quarterback in NFL history, stopped by the booth for a conversation with Terry Bradshaw during this weekend's 49ers-Broncos game in Denver—and he came dressed quite curiously. Maybe this is haut...
A Competitor In New York's First Ironman Triathlon Died In The Hudson River
During the swim portion of the inaugural New York City Ironman Triathlon, which began 7 a.m. Saturday morning, a 43-year-old man experienced what most are calling "medical distress" or "a medical problem." He was pulled from the water and taken to a hospital, but did not survive. Autopsy results are...
American Relay Runner Broke His Leg, Still Finished His Run
Manteo Mitchell is an American hero and a man's man. Running the opening leg of today's 4x400 qualifying heat, Mitchell felt something go in his leg. Pain? You bet. Enough pain to let down his teammates and his country? Fuck and no....
Timbers Defender David Horst Took A Shot To The Face At Point-Blank Range
The Portland Timbers turned away San Jose last night at Jeld-Wen Field with a 2-1 win over MLS' top squad. It didn't come without some pain and suffering, though, as defender David Horst lay his face on the line for his team to block a shot in the 37th minute. Lest the reputation that soccer play...
Here's A Gallery Of Some Constipated-Looking Olympic Divers
Yahoo has a great collection of the ridiculous faces divers make while spinning and flipping and plummeting down to their watery landing. Check it out for a few hearty laughs. [Yahoo] Photo via AP...
Dustin Pedroia Did Not React Well To Rumors Of Kevin Youkilis Being Traded
The Red Sox sent Kevin Youkilis packing yesterday, shipping the popular third baseman (and more than $5 million) to the White Sox for Brent Lillibridge and pitcher Zach Stewart. The news came as a shock to Boston second baseman Dustin Pedroia, who spent several innings with his face stuck in a stat...
New Jersey Woman Sues Little Leaguer Who Hit Her In The Face With A Baseball
Elizabeth Lloyd was sitting at a picnic table near a fenced-in Little League bullpen watching her son play when she was struck in the face with a baseball. The culprit? A then-11-year-old bullpen catcher named Matthew Migliaccio who was warming up a pitcher....
Somebody Finally Told Chris Bosh The Truth About Santa Claus
Chris Bosh will reportedly return for the Eastern Conference Finals' Game Five, which really is a shame, because we've grown accustomed to his face—that twisting, tortured face that's provided us so much enjoyment as it beams or frowns or, uh, whatever it's doing above from Miami's bench....
There Was An Extra Tool In Today's Braves Tool Race, And This One Got Arrested [UPDATE]
Like most ballparks, Turner Field hosts a silly race between costumed characters that represent some sponsoring interest. In the Braves' case, it's the Home Depot Tool Race. Today's Tool Race featured an extra competitor, a fan who raced in from center field and made it to the infield before being...
Russell Wilson's Wife Provides Us With Our Favorite Face Of The Draft
Seattle chose quarterback Russell Wilson in the third round of last night's NFL Draft, and his wife of three months was so excited she immediately began the metamorphosis to boa constrictor....