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Summer Is The Goddamn Worst
May has started, which means that we're quickly running out of May and I don't want May to end because that means summer is here and OH FUCK GOD PLEASE NOT AGAIN....

Jon Hamm To Star In That Disney Movie About Those Pitchers From India The Pirates Signed
According to Deadline Hollywood, the Mad Men star and former Deadspin commenter will play a leading role in the upcoming Disney treatment of Million Dollar Arm. Hamm will play J.B. Bernstein, the real-life sports agent who "discovered" Rinku Singh and Dinesh Patel and got them deals with the Pittsbu...

Deadspin Up All Night: Throw The Switch
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. It's rock 'n roll time....

A Special Graduation Message To The Class Of 2012
I had a long drive home the night that I found out my son was in grave danger of being born too early. Not long in the sense of distance, but long in an existential way, the way that a minute spent waiting in a dentist's office is far longer than a minute spent hooking up with someone for the first ...

Tim Burton Bottoms Out. <em>Dark Shadows</em>, Reviewed.
1. How was there ever a time that we considered Tim Burton weird? He certainly isn't weird now—give this guy a slight haircut and he's essentially an insurance salesman—but in retrospect, knowing the bloated, self-satisfied cookie-cutter hack Burton turned out to be makes one wonder what all the exc...

For Sale: Bobby Petrino's Wrecked Motorcycle, Needs Some Repair
If you're into making investments you have no chance of recouping, have I got a deal for you. Bobby Petrino's 2007 Harley Davidson, the same one the former Arkansas football coach allegedly crashed while riding with ex-university employee Jessica Dorrell, is up for auction at Copart.com, and while t...

Last Night JaVale McGee Did A Lot Of Great Things, At Least One Bad Thing, And A Very Strange Thing
The Denver Nuggets forced a Game Six in their series with the Lakers last night with a 109-99 win at Staples Center, and JaVale McGee played a big part in the team's success with 21 points, 14 rebounds, and a number of highlight reel plays you can view here....

Vladimir Putin's Game-Winning Goal Against The "Legends Of Russia" Was So Obvious
Here's a sporting feat that even Kim Jong Il would've appreciated. Just hours after his presidential inauguration Monday, Vladimir Putin led a team of amateur hockey players against a squad known as the Legends of Russia, which included such former professionals as Slava Fetisov, who just happens ...

Padres Fan Catches Foul Ball In Beer Cup, Chugs
OK, OK. As you can see in the video below, it wasn't a clean grab, since it's obvious the ball ricocheted into dude's cup. But so what? Both Padres play-by-play man Dick Enberg and his broadcast partner, Mark Grant, knew what had to be done. And, just like that, dude obliged....

What This Street Fight Between A Cross-Dressing Hooker And A John Can Teach You About Life
Welcome to Tuesday Night Fights, a weekly celebration and analysis of street-fight videos found on YouTube. Tonight's fisticuffs: "ANGRY TRANNY BEATS UP GUY WHO WON'T PAY - MELBOURNE" (with an accompanying news report). Tonight's commentator: Butch Cordora, a fabulous artist/photographer/televisio...

Deadspin Up All Night: In My Head
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin....

How Bobcat Goldthwait Became A True Artist Of Independent Cinema. (Seriously.)
Bobcat Goldthwait, in almost every possible fashion, belongs on the list of those creatures who could only have come of celebrity age in the '80s, along with Emmanuel Lewis, Grace Jones, and Dr. Ruth. When the highlight of your popularity is that you were the star of the second through fourth Police...

The Fruitless Search For Decent Facial Recognition Porn Software
Your letters:...

Jamie Moyer Has The Oldest Grudges In Major League Baseball, Too
Nobody survives till age 49 in the major leagues without making enemies. Hence Jamie Moyer's dustup with whippersnapper Chipper Jones this weekend. And before that, the middle-aged mushballer talked to Westword for a feature story. In one of the outtakes, he explained that he had come close to signi...

Source: Sarah Phillips Steered Business To A Bookie Who Was Probably Nilesh Prasad
So far, we know that former ESPN columnist Sarah Phillips and her partner, Nilesh Prasad, hijacked a 19-year-old's Facebook page, misrepresented their connections to ESPN, and engaged in some sort of minor-league hustle at a Corvallis, Ore., T-Mobile store. To that list, let's add another, more seri...

Adam Jones Reaches For Home Run, Gets Glove Stuck In Wall
Brandon Snyder's three-run homer in the sixth helped the Rangers blow open last night's 11-run win against the Orioles. Adam Jones had no chance to keep the ball in the park, but he certainly tried his best. The wall at Camden Yards, however, had much less appreciation for his effort....

Deadspin Up All Night: Have Love
Thanks for your continued support of Deadspin. Onward....

RIP Adam Yauch, Indie Film Hero
In January, Bingham Ray died. A lot of moviegoers probably wouldn't have recognized his name, but if they loved independent film in the 1990s, they knew his work. The co-founder of October Films, Ray had helped distribute movies by Mike Leigh (Life Is Sweet, Secrets & Lies, Topsy-Turvy), Lars von Tr...

55-Year-Old Grandmother Tries Out For The Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders
Back in February, Sharon Simmons, a 55-year-old grandmother of two from Carrollton, Texas, announced she would be trying out to become a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader. She's spent the last months training, working on routines with a professional dance coach. On Saturday, she joined hundreds of other wo...

Do You Know Any More About Patrick Kane's Drunken Saturday In Wisconsin?
Earlier today, we gleefully shared with you a compendium of photos of a blotto Patrick Kane. He was having good, clean fun at Saturday's Mifflin Street block party in Madison, or so we thought, anyway. We've since heard some things that don't reflect so well on Kaner. If you were at the Kollege Klub...