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This Is What Happens When Your Back Turns To Mush
This is a story about pain. If you've ever had it, maybe you'll feel compelled to read on. If you never have, I hope you never do....

That's Not The Ass Of Any Old Ballplayer; That's The Ass Of A Playoff-Spot-Clinching Ballplayer (NSFW-ish)
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Pete Carroll Cannot Believe The Chargers Kept Kicking To Leon Washington
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: perfectly adequate NFL coach Pete Carroll....

Formerly Censored Dwarf Painting Restored To Full Nudity
This 16th century Italian masterpiece was finally restored to its original butt-nakedness, after having been painted over for being obscene. Oh, and it's a two-sided canvas, so there's a rear view too....

SportsCenter First Is A Milestone For Attractive, Well-Dressed Female Journalists
At noon today, two female SportsCenter anchors handed the baton off to two other women, a first in the show's long history. Truly this is a monumental day in the long struggle for women's rights....

NFL Superperson Ray Lewis Runs with the Bears. Well, a Bear.
And the bear matches the superperson stride for stride. Then it smiles. Then it talks! Then something blows up. Even though they just ran the length of a football field, the bear and the superperson smell fresh and snappy because of Old Spice Showtime Deodorant....

I Hope You Die, Mr. Weatherman
Bit of a shorter funbag today. I had back surgery yesterday. Fuck off and leave me alone. Your letters:...

Qatar’s Proposed World Cup 2022 Stadiums Make Wembley Look Slightly Rubbish
Qatar have got previous when it comes to mind-blowing designs for stadiums, but nothing has come close to what they're proposing in their Zinedine Zidane-backed World Cup 2022 bid....

Shaun Smith's Package Grabbing: A Music Video Retrospective
Shaun Smith's humorous, ungentlemanly conduct the last two weeks has been an endless source of joy, so why not set video of Smith's junk twisting to Da Lench Mob's "All On My Nut Sac?"...

Area Man Shows Disdain For Team By Purchasing Team Merchandise
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Carlos Boozer Is Trying To Start As Much Trouble As Possible
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: new Chicago Bull and chest hair proponent Carlos Boozer....

Another Wrestler Dies Young: El Gigante, 44
Jorge González, the 7-foot-7 Giant González of the WWF and a former basketball player whom the Atlanta Hawks drafted in 1988, has died, apparently of complications from diabetes. [SLAM! Sports]...

Meet Your New Undersized, Scraptastic, Very White New England Sports Cult Hero: Danny Woodhead
Danny Woodhead, the Jets castoff and Rex Ryan-anointed "little fucker," made his Patriots debut yesterday and is already being touted as the economy-sized Wes Welker. Chief among these proponents is Dan Shaughnessy. Of course. Let's look at the best of the worst....

Poonami: Brooklyn Canal Turns Into Literal River Of Human Shit
The Gowanus Canal, which has already tested positive for gonorrhea, ran brown with human waste after this month's tornado. It's like the eleventh plague of Egypt, only, you know, poop. [via Brownstoner]...

Lions Player Holds Up One More Finger Than His Team Has Wins
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

David Beckham Doesn't Like Getting Taunted About Hookers
Some heckler got all "Stop with the prostitutes'" yell-y at bare-chested David Beckham after he and the L.A. Galaxy lost to the N.Y. Red Bulls on Friday night....

Your NFL Late Games Open Thread
The lineup: Indianapolis at Denver; Washington at St. Louis; Philadelphia at Jacksonville; Oakland at Arizona; San Diego at Seattle; and, later, NY Jets at Miami....

Your NFL Early Games Early Thread
The best early games? Atlanta goes to New Orleans while both Dallas and Minnesota try to avoid an 0-3 start (versus Houston and Detroit, respectively)....

Albert Haynesworth: I'm Not "A Slave Or Whatever" to Redskins
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Your Late College Football Open Thread
I have to ask, so you have to tell: That thing from Gameday at Boise State is a potato, right?...