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Your NFL Draft Open Thread, Again
The three-day draft appears to be an unqualified success for the NFL's ratings, as there are plenty of intriguing players left that people will tune in to see. Remaining names include Jimmy Clausen, Colt McCoy and Tim Tebow. Wait, what?...

Dead Wrestler Of The Week: Yokozuna
Every week, the Masked Man, Deadspin's pro wrestling correspondent, honors the sport's fallen and examines their legacies — famous and obscure alike. Today: Yokozuna, who died of a heart attack in 2000....

Ovechkin Gives Child A Snow Shower
Ovie stops short, spraying the Canadiens tyke. Probably all in good fun (and part over Ovechkin's pregame routine), but still: wouldn't it have been great if the kid had dropped the gloves?...

Lesbian Grim Reaper Also Impressed By Kevin Durant's Performance
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day...

Your NFL Draft Open Thread
The annual convention of Jets replica jerseys known as the NFL Draft will be gaveled to order soon. Please use this space to discuss....

Old Spice Pec Man Punches Out Nerdlinger
In a dingy locker room while wildly manipulating his pectorals. Soak your brain in the 16-hour B.O. BLOCKING POWER that is this Tim & Eric-directed Old Spice spot. Isn't Comedy Week a reach-around punch in the face?...

What Does This (Possibly Fake) Call Sheet Tell Us About The <em>Lost</em> Series Finale?
This call sheet popped in our inbox from a reader vacationing in Hawaii, who found it on the floor of Nobu restaurant last night. Nobody at Deadspin watches the show. So we summoned Gawker's Lost expert to explain. Go crazy, internet....

NCAA Tournament Adds Networks, Expands To "Only" 68 Teams
In a surprising move, the NCAA signed a new television deal that will add more networks to CBS's coverage of the men's basketball tournament, but will not expand the field to 96 teams. Wait, did they actually listen to us?...

Fat, Sweaty, Drunk Man Teaches You How NOT To Perform Standup
This six-minute clip, taken roughly seven years ago, represents my last performance as a stand up comedian. After watching for about five seconds, you will understand why....

Everyone Can Get Behind These Sedin Twins
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Drunk Coachella Guy Is Here To Save The Day
So, today. Well, good intentions, yadda yadda. It ended up being funny in an absurd sense, right? Well, here's a drunk guy at Coachella last weekend who can't quite figure out sandals or the concept of balance. This is not a metaphor....

<em>Newsday</em> Sports Section Adopts Strict Policy Of Blowing Sunshine Up Your Ass
Newsday, a collection of tire ads that old people leave lying around diners in Farmingdale, is cracking down on any use of sarcasm or name-calling or "negative characterization" in its corpse of a sports section. To which I say: Brilliant idea, assholes!...

Juan Antonio Samaranch Passes Away
Former Olympic head honcho Juan Antonio Samaranch died in Barcelona today at the age of 89. We'll never forget the way he always cheered up third-place finishers by pretending to pull the bronze medal out of their ear. [CNN]...

The New 7-Eleven Beer; Perfect For Teenagers And Hobos
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Who Is The <em>SportsCenter</em> Farter This Time?
During an impassioned discussion on the Cleveland Browns, someone on the SportsCenter NFL draft panel cut one, just as Mike Tirico began to giggle. Was this a laughter-induced fart or fart-induced laughter? Who is the flatulent panelist? Deadspin-I-Team, assemble. H/T Steve....

Tasteful Israel Cheerleaders Won't Be Grinding On Anything
In the Israeli basketball league, cheerleaders are basically mandatory, so the more Orthodox teams put up with them even though fans would prefer that no one shake and/or display any "lady lumps." So they're expected to just....cheer? That's sick. [France24]...

Rockies President, 48, Found Dead
Rockies president Keli McGregor, said to be "in top physical shape," was found dead this morning in a Salt Lake City hotel room. Cops say he died of natural causes. [Denver Post]...

Sexy White Sox Bathroom Sex Horror Story Brought To Life Through Magic Of CGI
The story of Dr. Paul Nemeth inadvertently bringing his 6 year-old son to a live sex show at a White Sox game was the stuff of speculation. It left many questions unanswered, like "Did anyone throw their pants Mean Joe Green style?"...

Mind-Altering Old Spice Clip Features Spastic Pecs Aplenty
It's Comedy Week on Deadspin, so Old Spice wants to contribute. Behold the 16-hour B.O. BLOCKING POWER in this Tim & Eric-directed spot. There's so much BLOCKING POWER that your eyes will cry tears of titanium alloy. Need we say more?...

It's White Supremacy Night At Safeco Field
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....