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Joel Embiid Announces Plans To Expand His Real Estate Empire By Building Additional Housing Units In Andre Drummond's Cranium

Basketball star and no-rent housing innovator Joel Embiid had a monster game against the Pistons yesterday. And in his 39-point performance—32 of them coming in a scorching first half—Embiid achieved his twin goals of clowning on and growing his real estate investments with his favorite rival/unwitt...

Deadspin Up All Night: There's Trees Talking Like People

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Cardinals Release Sam Bradford Into The Wild To Search For His Next Team To Grift

The Arizona Cardinals became the latest team to realize Sam Bradford had no purpose being on their roster and cut the nine-year veteran on Saturday, according to ESPN’s Adam Schefter. ...

Demarai Gray Booked For Celebration Honoring Late Leicester City Owner

Demarai Gray scored what turned out to be the winning goal in Leicester City’s first game since owner Vichai Srivaddhanaprabha tragically died in a helicopter crash outside of King Power stadium last Saturday. To celebrate, Gray took off his jersey to reveal a shirt honoring the late Thai owner. Ev...

Deadspin Up All Night: Cease To Resist

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Shams Charania And His Employers Are Up To Some Sleazy-Seeming Shit With All This Derrick Rose Coverage [Update]

Shams Charania is an NBA reporter for The Athletic and also works as an “NBA insider” for the “digital television sports network” Stadium, which was founded and is co-owned by Chicago Bulls owner Jerry Reinsdorf. An NBA reporter having two different jobs in the same field, one of which makes him the...

Will Someone Please Befriend These Sad, Lonely People So The Rest Of Us Don't Have To Deal With Them?

Donald Trump is horrible and disgusting, and the menagerie of melting, gelatinous creatures surrounding him are also horrible and disgusting, but they’re not really new. The behavior they’ve exhibited over the last three years came into focus, in Facebook and before long silences at family dinners, ...

Dead Letters: "What Kinda Reporter Uses The Word Ass"

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On Subletting Headspace At No Cost

The language that Joel Embiid uses can be taken as an ice core sample of the language the internet is using at any given time. The Sixers center is one of the NBA’s savviest disciples of the Do-It-For-The-‘Gram ethos, a skilled user of meme and timely dialect, always hitting the right notes to Maxi...

I Like Chopping Firewood (In <i>Red Dead Redemption 2</i>)

The horses had all the hay they needed, the random bucket of water had been emptied into the wash trough, the cook had his sacks of grain or flour or whatever, and there were no more logs to split. The menial morning chores were done. And I thought, Shit, I guess now I gotta go have a thrilling Old ...

Jesperi Kotkaniemi Is A Good Tongue Twister And A Better Rookie

I always get stuck on the “t.” It’d be a hell of a lot easier to say the name of Montreal Canadiens rookie center Jesperi Kotkaniemi (Cot-Kuh-Nee-Emmy) five times fast if it weren’t for that dang “t” at the end of the first syllable. But alas, this is everyone’s problem now—the 18-year-old third-ove...

Maryland's Board Of Regents Chair Abruptly Resigns Following Board's Spectacular Fuck-Up

This development will not have the day-to-day importance to players on the University of Maryland football team as the firing of head coach DJ Durkin, but it is nonetheless another step in the right direction: James T. Brady, the chair of Maryland’s board of regents, has resigned, effective immediat...

Deadspin Up All Night: Everything Runs Right On Time<em></em>

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Markelle Fultz Shooting Form Update: Eschews Hoop

Scottish Soccer Fan Punches Goalkeeper In The Face, While Another Beans Manager With A Coin

The behavior of two asshole fans threatened to ruin the spectacle of yesterday’s Scottish Premiership match between rivals Hearts and Hibernian. One of the assholes punched Hearts’ keeper in the face in the middle of the match, and the other chucked a coin at Hibs’ manager, striking the coach square...

LeBron And The Lakers Are Eking Their Way Through This

These Lakers are “Showtime,” ridiculously so, but possibly in some ways that they would rather avoid. The saliva and sucker punch, yes, but also in a more general way. In some sense, the battle to prevent vomit pooling in your mouth from spilling out onto your fresh tuxedo while you race to the toil...

Vertical Formation Skydiving Turns Sheer Terror Into A Beautiful Team Sport

Dusty Hanks sits on a small plane with his teammates. He’s quiet, but his mind is full envisioning the maneuvers he’s about to perform. It’s pointless to talk, anyway; the plane gets louder as it climbs....

Former Player Says "Insane" Prep School Coach Mike Woodbury Used To Call Teenage Female Players "Sperm Banks"

Following the publication of an audio recording in which prep school basketball coach Mike Woodbury said, “I’m gonna fuck you in your ass” to one of his former players, other people who played for Woodbury in the past are coming forward with their own stories of his abusive behavior....

Christian Pulisic Went Off Today

An update on Christian Pulisic, American superstar: he is still extremely good at soccer. Today, in a DFB Pokal win over Union Berlin, he had a goal, an assist, a drawn game-winning penalty, and whatever this shit this move was. ...

Deadspin Up All Night: Notice The Facade Of The Snakes

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