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Drunk Heat Fan Tries To Fight Cops, Tumbles Down Several Rows Of Seats
At some point in the Miami Heat’s embarrassing 16-point home defeat to the Bulls last night, cops were called to the top of the lower bowl to deal with an apparently belligerent fan. The fan, 23-year-old Adrain Mato, was apparently arguing with some Bulls fans when the police came and told him to co...

Isn't The Super Bowl Supposed To Be Fun?
The Patriots are, in all likelihood, going to win again, and it’s going to be awful. The question now is: What is the worst possible way they could win? A 52-6 blowout? A three-TD lead for L.A. followed by yet another miraculous comeback by everyone’s least-favorite fancy dog? Aaron Donald breaking ...

Anthony Davis Might Not Play Again This Season, For The Most Bullcrap Of Reasons
The Pelicans are already moving on from Anthony Davis. Dell Demps might be stuck in the denial phase—he is reportedly “not picking up the phone” to field incoming trade inquiries—but the team has already yanked Davis out of their standard pregame hype video, and pulled his image from their Twitter p...

Lionel Messi's Tap-In Completes The Platonic Ideal Of A Barcelona Goal
If you were to diagram out the most quintessentially Barcelona goal imaginable, you could do a lot worse than this tie-killing, overly intricate, senselessly gorgeous combination between about half the Barça team that saw Lionel Messi teed up to blast the ball into the net from point-blank range....

An Interview With The Local TV Producer Fired For A Graphic Calling Tom Brady A "Known Cheater"
Michael Telek is a 27-year-old news producer who, until yesterday, worked for the CBS affiliate KDKA in Pittsburgh. He was fired after a Super Bowl news segment used a chyron that labeled Tom Brady as a “known cheater.” As was obvious to pretty much everyone, the graphic was a joke—and not inaccurat...

Humorless Pittsburgh News Station Fires Employee For Graphic Calling Tom Brady A "Known Cheater"
A Pittsburgh TV station has fired an employee who used a chyron calling Tom Brady a “known cheater” into a broadcast on Monday, SI.com reported. ...

Joel Embiid, Who Is Joel Embiid: “I’m Joel, Joel Embiid”
The Sixers routed the LeBron-less Lakers last night, 121-105. It was kind of a weird game for Philly. Jimmy Butler played point guard. Ben Simmons played power forward. One thing was the same: Kendall Jenner was in attendance, improving the Sixers’ record to 12-2 when she’s there. ...

Bad Soccer Manager Suspended Five Months For Headbutting The Everloving Shit Out Of Opposing Coach<em></em>
Giancarlo Favarin manages Italian third-tier club Lucchese. During a match against Alessandria on Sunday, he found himself in a spat with an assistant coach on the opposing side. In an effort to settle the dispute, Favarin rammed his massive, shiny forehead straight through the assistant’s nose:...

Today Was Somehow The Stupidest Day Yet In The Bryce Harper Sweepstakes
Today felt like it could have finally been the day we got some movement in the frigid pursuit of the two top free agents in baseball, but it was not meant to be. Despite what felt like all of Philly Twitter trying to will it into existence, Bryce Harper did not sign with the Phillies on Tuesday. Why...

Qatar Beat The Hell Out Of UAE And Then Got A Bunch Of Shoes Thrown At Them
The UAE had big hopes this winter. The tiny Middle Eastern nation is hosting this month’s Asian Cup, and national team appeared to be on the brink of something special when they qualified for the semifinals against their hated rivals, Qatar. Then Qatar beat the shit out of them so badly today that t...

Why Your Dumb Team Won't Trade For Anthony Davis
As you surely know by now, New Orleans Pelicans superstar Anthony Davis requested a trade. He wants to leave that derelict organization for one that will give him a chance to contend for championships. The Pelicans can deal him by next Thursday’s trade deadline, or they can wait until the season end...

Report: Anthony Davis Burns With A Desire That Can Only Be Satisfied By Joining The Lakers
After the flaming supernova that is Anthony Davis put in a trade request earlier this week, sending both the New Orleans Pelicans into panic mode and the rest of the NBA into a rabid frenzy, all that was left to discover was how Davis would go about exerting his considerable leverage to land in a pr...

At Least Real Madrid's Lost Season Has Given Us The Rise Of Vinícius
At just 18 years old, in his first season in Europe, Brazilian forward Vinícius Júnior has already carved out a significant role for himself in Real Madrid’s squad. His emergence as a valuable and now arguably a critical component of one of the best teams in the world happened way faster than anyone...

Artemi Panarin Wants Out
The NHL, for reasons cultural and historical, is not like the NBA: You don’t see a lot of outright trade demands. That is to say, you do see trade demands, but they’re couched in language that tries to make them sound like anything but. This, if you’re attuned to it, could not possibly be any blunte...

Lonzo Ball Would Prefer To Be Traded Where He Can Start Right Away, Just As I Would Prefer To Stalk My Enemies From Atop A Mighty Tyrannosaur
The Lakers are expected to offer some combination of young foundational players to the Pelicans in exchange for Anthony Davis, who requested a trade from New Orleans over the weekend. The most prominent of those young players is one Lonzo Ball, who by this time last year was viewed as the crown jew...

NBA Investigating Anthony Davis Trade Request For Signs Of Self-Tampering
Anthony Davis has requested a trade from the New Orleans Pelicans, a half-assed basketball operation that squandered all but a few hours of his NBA career to date. Adrian Wojnarowski reported it; he had the scoop because Rich Paul, Davis’s agent, told him. Just a few hours later, the Pelicans public...

The Sports Highlight Of The Day Is This Plank Fight
Sun Tzu probably had some quote about using the weapons you have available to you to defeat your opponent on the battlefield or whatever, and while I don’t know about any of that apocryphal bullshit, I can say with 100 percent certainty that these two ruddy English lads embody the spirit of resource...

Golfer Loses $100,000 Thanks To Bullshit Violation Of New Rule
Haotong Li should have finished in a five-way tie for third place at last weekend’s Dubai Desert Classic. It would have been a somewhat disappointing finish given that he came into the final round only one shot off of the leader’s pace, though he still would have left the United Arab Emirates with a...

Right Now There Is No Answer To Novak Djokovic
Novak Djokovic heaped pre-match praise on his final Australian Open opponent, because it was a deeply familiar one. “Nadal has historically throughout my life and career been the greatest rival that I ever played against on all the surfaces,” he said of their 52-match tug-of-war, which had split 27-...

A Brief History Of Dan Snyder’s Superyachts, Which Have Put Him In Elizabeth Warren's Crosshairs
The two greatest days in Dan Snyder’s life are the day he buys a boat, and the day he buys a bigger boat....