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Deadspin Up All Night: There's A Break In The Road
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. I got mine, you’ll get yours. ...

Maybe, Just Maybe, The Knicks Might Have A Functional Defense
The Knicks did not luck out, which is basically an evergreen sentence. Their lottery pick did not leap into the top three, which had only a six percent chance of occurring last night. It instead landed at nine, as expected. I feel a little good about this. ...
![Woman Furiously Shits On Floor Of Tim Hortons, Throws It At Employees [Update]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/iyykgbeiy2amhwqtdndj.jpg)
Woman Furiously Shits On Floor Of Tim Hortons, Throws It At Employees [Update]
A woman in Canada was so incensed about something Tim Hortons employees did or didn’t do that she dropped her pants, took a dump on the floor, threw it, grabbed some napkins to wipe her ass, threw those too, and left....

Please Just Call Up Vladimir Guerrero Jr., He's Too Good For The Minor Leagues
Truly I say to you today: Double-A ball offers no challenge to Vladimir Guerrero Jr. besides that of a blank canvas upon which he can paint wild highlights. The 19-year-old slugger has spent his time with the New Hampshire Fisher Cats smacking big dingers and generally looking like he belongs at a h...

Joey Votto "Terribly Ashamed" Of Saying Semi-Rude Things About Canada
Reds first baseman Joey Votto is a fantastic baseball player, a charmingly prickly dude, and a Canadian. Those last two things converged recently to produce one of his more memorable quotes, in which he explained that he really doesn’t give a shit about Canada....

It Appears The Kings, Who Always Screw Up, Can't Possibly Screw This Up
For what feels like the first time in recent franchise history, the Sacramento Kings got lucky. The Kings briefly held the reins in the NBA’s greatest-ever tank-off last season, but they were soundly out-tanked over the stretch run, and wound up finishing with the lottery’s seventh-best odds after e...

Here's How The NBA Draft Lottery Went Down
The team with the worst record in the NBA this season, the Phoenix Suns, won the draft lottery tonight, and with it the choice of either Arizona’s Deandre Ayton or Real Madrid’s Luka Dončić. Whoever of those two the Suns don’t pick will likely go to the Sacramento Kings, who defied the odds and took...

Deadspin Up All Night: Rage!
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Aggretsuko! ...

A.J. Pollock Smashed His Thumb On What Wound Up Being An Inside-The-Park Homer
A.J. Pollock has been among the top National League players in WAR for much of this young season, but he also just cannot catch a break. In the ninth inning of the Diamondbacks’ 7-2 loss to the Brewers Monday, the outfielder laid the hell out for a Tyler Saladino line drive that turned into an insid...

Adeiny Hechavarria Turned Elastic To Dodge An Easy Tag<em></em>
Rays shortstop Adeiny Hechavarria, fully recovered from his freak injury last week, blasted straight through his third-base coach’s stop sign while attempting to score a go-ahead run against the Royals, but redeemed himself with an elastic slide that eluded a cannon throw from Jorge Soler and a tag ...

Deadspin Up All Night: Those Great Whites, They Have Big Teeth
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Try closing your eyes and taking three deep breaths....

The Very Short Saga Of The Vladimir Guerrero Jr. Airport Picture
All right-thinking people on this planet and any others want to see Vladimir Guerrero Jr., who does very rude things to baseballs in very loud ways, called up to the majors as soon as possible. So you can imagine the excitement that was generated when Young Vlad posted this photo on Instagram:...

Steven Souza Appreciates Mothers
Diamondbacks outfielder Steven Souza was mic’d up during yesterday’s game against the Nationals, and that was good news for anyone who likes their baseball accompanied by wry commentary....

Dominic Thiem Did All The Dirty Work And Claimed None Of The Glory
Assume by default that Rafael Nadal wins any big event on clay. Take it as a given that his teeth are pressing into the trophy well before the first match gets underway. This has been true for many long swaths of the last decade, but it has maybe never been truer than right now, with Rafa still bull...

Deadspin Up All Night: Energy
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Take it easy out there....

Dwane Casey Thanks Raptors Fans For Being Canadian
It sucks that the Raptors fired Dwane Casey. They probably had to do it—they’ve lost like a hundred straight playoff games to LeBron James, and the systemic and cultural changes Casey engineered this past season made not even the slightest dent in James’s dominance, and they can’t any longer credibl...

Deadspin Up All Night: Right Here
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Rock on, pals....

Shit-For-Brains Columnist Says Existence Of Misogyny Should Prevent Becky Hammon From Being Hired, Unless For "Marketing"
Old man Pau Gasol wrote for The Players’ Tribune this week about the head coaching qualifications of Spurs assistant Becky Hammon, who reportedly has an interview lined up with the Milwaukee Bucks in the coming days. The upshot of Gasol’s letter is this: Hammon is exceedingly qualified to coach an N...

Brett Brown: 76ers "Need Help" To Win A Championship
However disappointed the Sixers and their fans may feel about a five-game series loss to the depleted Celtics, their season was an enormous success. They won a playoff series, and were the favorites to win another, and they certainly look closer to championship contention than all but maybe two or t...

Idiot Snake On The Field Pays Ultimate Price For Love Of Baseball
In the eighth inning of a San Antonio Missions Double-A game Friday night, a true baseball loving snake invaded the outfield and began making his way towards the infield, no doubt in search of the best possible view of the night’s action. Unfortunately, for his curiosity and enthusiasm for America’s...