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Deadspin Up All Night: I Will Surely Come In Last
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Report: Marlins Continue Setting Themselves On Fire, Trade Marcell Ozuna To Cardinals
The Miami Marlins, an alleged major league club in the NL East, are carrying on with their plan to strip the franchise bare and trade off all their players worth a damn. Giancarlo Stanton is a Yankee, Dee Gordon is a Mariner, everyone else is available, and now Marcell Ozuna is a Cardinal. Jesse San...

Report: Aw, Man, Shohei Ohtani Has Mild Ligament Damage In His Elbow
The words “elbow” and “damage” can easily be terrifying when used together in any headline about a pitcher, much less one who could potentially be among the greatest players of his generation and certainly among the most fascinating, but do not fret (that much). Jeff Passan of Yahoo Sports has repor...

And Now For Some Stupidly Bad Defense From Karl-Anthony Towns
Joel Embiid is talented and charming and big, a combination of qualities which can reasonably be quite daunting in anyone, but especially so in a basketball player. Karl-Anthony Towns’s strategy for handling all that during the second quarter tonight was just to panic-jump, arms outstretched, at a r...

Larry Johnson Says He Can’t Remember Two Of His NFL Seasons
In an interview with the Washington Post, former NFL running back Larry Johnson says he can’t remember two of his seven seasons in the league. Johnson tells the paper’s Kent Babb he believes he’s living with chronic traumatic encephalopathy, a degenerative brain disease caused by repeated head traum...

Deadspin Up All Night: May Your Days Be Merry And Bright
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. This version or Otis Redding’s, for my money....

Olympic Curling Qualifier Gets Hamstrung By Politeness, Finishes With Insane Danish Shot
One of curling’s unusual features, other than everything else, has been its politeness and sportsmanship. The first page of the official rulebook discusses The Spirit of Curling for a reason, as it points out that players should be the first to admit if they broke a rule. (Imagine if NBA or NHL play...

Tom Brady's New App Will Give You Terrible Wellness Advice For $199.99 A Year
Tom Brady, in his quest to become the NFL’s answer to Gwyneth Paltrow, has just launched the TB12 Method mobile app. The TB12 Method is the dubious lifestyle brand that Brady cooked up with Alex Guerrero, a truly dangerous and dishonest quack who is Brady’s personal trainer. For the low cost of $19....

Report: Manny Machado Is For Sale
Is the hot stove hot? Let’s see here, yes, it looks like the stove is simmering a bit. ...

Deadspin Up All Night: It Won't Let Go
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Sadio Mané Really Fucked Up
Sadio Mané isn’t the sole reason Liverpool failed to beat Everton in a match they completely controlled everywhere except on the scoresheet. You could and probably should blame the referee for awarding Everton an exceptionally soft penalty from which the Toffees scored their only good chance of the ...

Figure Skater Adam Rippon Assures Everyone That His Butt Is Real
Some athletes have to prove that they don’t cheat or use performance enhancing drugs; others have to proclaim that their butts are, in fact, real....

Diego Maradona Gets His Own Weird Statue In India
One of the hottest trends in sports is honoring famous soccer players with hideous busts and gross renderings of their likenesses, and Diego Maradona wasn’t going to be left out. ...

Carson Wentz Tore His ACL And The Eagles Have To Use Nick Foles, Again
Eagles QB Carson Wentz had to leave Sunday’s game with a knee injury, and the citizens of Philadelphia waited with bated breath and clenched buttholes for any updates, hopefully not involving any three-letter medical abbreviations. But the news today wasn’t good: Wentz is done for the year....

Things Eagles Fans Said Outside The L.A. Coliseum About Carson Wentz’s Injury
LOS ANGELES — I knew it as soon as I saw Carson Wentz walking to the tunnel. The Eagles had just scored a touchdown to take the lead. The Coliseum, which had to be about 40 percent Eagles fans, was rocking. But from Row 93 I spotted it. Wentz was walking to the tunnel with a towel over his head....

The Indiana Pacers Are Extremely Fun
Quietly, the Indiana Pacers are one of the real powerhouse offensive teams in the NBA this season. It’s weird, right? Look at the NBA’s top eight in offensive rating, and you see some usual suspects: the Warriors, the Rockets, the Cavs, the Raptors, the Timberwolves, the Nuggets—all teams with star-...

Deadspin Up All Night: Lashing Out The Action
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. This week I learned that Metallica didn’t always suck....

Quinton Jefferson Restrained From Fighting Bad Jags Fan
Seahawks tempers were running hot when their loss to the Jaguars was all but over, and a dust-up with the Jags in victory formation led to an unsportsmanlike conduct ejection for Seattle’s Quinton Jefferson. As Jefferson left the field, however, the situation deteriorated further, and some idiot in ...
![Carson Wentz Out For Day With Knee Injury [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/kixyyuibp5tjeydhxq55.jpg)
Carson Wentz Out For Day With Knee Injury [UPDATE]
The Rams and Eagles, two of the best teams in the NFC, have been trading leads all afternoon, but if Philadelphia is going to pull out a win in L.A., they’re going to have to do it without stud QB Carson Wentz. Wentz is officially out for the rest of the day with a left knee injury, which was appare...

Teamwork, Wind Sends Colts-Bills To Snowvertime
A convoluted, hilarious series of events in the Colts-Bills snowglobe game allowed Indianapolis kicker Adam Vinatieri to hit the game-tying extra point late in the fourth quarter, despite near-impossible kicking conditions....