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Turner Can Probably Stop Running This March Madness Promo
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Deadspin Up All Night: Based God Based God Based God Based God
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Yawn: Just Another Unbelievable Messi Pass For Neymar To Chip Home
Jeez, we get it guys, you three Barcelona forwards can score whenever you want. But how many times this season have we seen the ball go from Suárez to Messi to the Twilight Zone to Neymar and into the net? Maybe switch it up once or twice. You know, for our sake....

How To Get Your Ass Back In Shape, And Keep It There
Now that the New Year's Resolutions crowd has cleared out of the gym, it's time to get down to business. The goal is not to become CrossFit truthers or pot-smoking ultramarathoners, but to simply avoid racking up massive medical bills due to poor health as we continue our slow, inevitable march to...

Bills Trade For Matt Cassel
The Bills announced they've agreed on a trade with the Vikings for QB Matt Cassel, with undisclosed draft picks heading both ways. Doesn't really matter! The new-look Bills have a quarterback. Sort of....

Upgrade Your Kitchen with Today's Best Deals
If you don't mind buying refurbs, you can save a ton of money today on high-end Breville kitchen appliances, courtesy of Woot. [Refurb Breville Kitchen Appliance Sale]...

Reports: LeSean McCoy "Not Happy" About Going To Buffalo
A truly shocking, star-for-star trade happens so rarely in the NFL. (Today is the 11th anniversary of Champ Bailey heading west for Clinton Portis!) The Bills swapping talented young LB Kiko Alonso for Eagles star RB LeSean McCoy absolutely qualifies. But as we're learning today, it wasn't so clean ...

Deadcast: Is Ernie Banks’ Body Being Hidden In Washington, D.C.?
Since Chicago Cubs legend Ernie Banks died over a month ago, his surviving family members have been engaged in a blood feud with Banks's former mistress over both Banks's remaining assets (rumored to be valued at a mere $16,000) and his remains, the location of which are at present unknown. Even th...

The Vikings Will Try To Woo Back Adrian Peterson Today
A Vikings contingent will fly to Texas today in an attempt to smooth things over with Adrian Peterson, and if all goes well, perhaps to convince the start running back to play for Minnesota this year. It'll be a tough sell....

Deadspin Up All Night: We're No Heroes
Thanks for your continued support of Deadspin. Stay toasty....

Report: Bills Will Trade Kiko Alonso To Eagles For LeSean McCoy
From Adam Schefter, here's an unexpected swap: The Bills will trade linebacker Kiko Alonso to the Eagles for running back LeSean McCoy. Damn....

NRA Secretly Backs Group Aiming To Save Elephants Now, Kill Them Later
A couple of weeks ago, a group called the Elephant Protection Association (EPA) sent an email to a Maryland woman with elephant-hugging tendencies after she'd registered for membership online. There was an important measure coming before the General Assembly in Annapolis, HB713, which would restr...

Fight At Avalanche Game Features A Dude Trying To Punch A Lady
This happened at Saturday's game between the Minnesota Wild and Colorado Avalanche in Denver. It begins with one Avs fan getting angry at visiting fans, and it ends with a much more dangerous Avs fan trying to punch a woman....

Vlad Guerrero Could Hit Anything
I do not know how you might measure this, or if it's even possible, but Vladimir Guerrero had to be the best bad-ball hitter of all time. Here he is putting wood on a 58-foot curveball....

$14 Floating Cooler, Free Brake Pads, Cheap Kindle, and More Deals
Believe it or not, spring is coming. And summer right after that. Prepare yourself with this awesome floating cooler, down to just $14 today. [Intex Mega Chill II Inflatable Floating Cooler, 48" X 38", $14]...

Video: How To Roll The Perfect Joint
I learned to roll a joint from a nine-and-a-half-fingered Belgian count....

Vladimir Guerrero Had Hubris, And He Had Balls
The following is excerpted from Jonah Keri's Up, Up, & Away: The Kid, The Hawk, Rock, Vladi, Pedro, Le Grand Orange, Youppi!, The Crazy Business of Baseball, and the Ill-fated but Unforgettable Montreal Expos, a wonderful and definitive account of Montreal's much-lamented baseball team. The book w...

Andre Johnson Is Done With The Texans
Andre Johnson was drafted by the Houston Texans before the team's second season of existence, and he's spent the last 12 years becoming the face of the franchise. Johnson caught over 1,000 balls and racked up 13,597 yards while suiting up as the primary wideout for a number of mediocre Texans team...

Why Your Children’s Video Game Sucks: <i>Minecraft </i>
The Game: Minecraft...

Will Jurors Hear About The <i>Other</i> Friend Aaron Hernandez Allegedly Shot?
With no smoking gun, circumstantial evidence is playing a large role in the state's case against Aaron Hernandez for the murder of Odin Lloyd. And what better way to convince jurors that Hernandez is capable of shooting his friend than by introducing evidence that he shot a different friend just fou...