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Tell Us Your Horrifying Animal Tales
Today in Deadspin's staff chatroom, a discussion of bad encounters with animals led to Gawker Art Director Jim Cooke sharing a truly horrifying animal story. The transcript is below. Please be warned that it is approximately 500 times more upsetting than when the little dinosaur chases the mom-s...

Why Deadspin Sucks, By Former NFL Punter Chris Kluwe
Some people are fans of the website Deadspin. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the website Deadspin. This 2014 website preview is for those in the latter group. You can read previous previews here....
![Better Ice For Your Drinks, Lightning Cables, Electric Razor [Deals]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/h3uiqewkrykdkd70nmzj.jpg)
Better Ice For Your Drinks, Lightning Cables, Electric Razor [Deals]
Not only do giant ice spheres look cool; they also melt much slower than cubes, saving you from the disappointment of a watered down drink. You can make four at a time today for just $5. [Sphere Ice Molds, 4 pack, $5]...

Arsenal Players Speak Out Against Homophobia, With Sexy Results
As a matter of policy, we don't usually participate in advertising campaigns. We're making an exception here, though, because a) the advertisement above, featuring several Arsenal players, is for an anti-homophobia campaign, which is fine by us and b) we need a pretext to run the following, which is...

Raiders Settle Lawsuit With Cheerleaders For $1.25 Million
Well if you didn't think cheerleading was worth much before, the Oakland Raiders have definitely set you straight today. Lawyers for both the team and the cheerleaders, who were suing for a whole host of employment law infractions, have announced an agreement for a $1.25 million settlement....

Reporter Claims Xabi Alonso Left Spain Because Of Affair With Singer
Xabi Alonso's departure from Real Madrid was confusing from the beginning. Why would a club leader with an automatic starting spot on the Champions League-winning team up and leave? According to one reporter, the choice was less a vote for Bayern Munich than a chance to save his marriage....

The Seahawks' Read-Option Fake Was Just A Gorgeous, Perfect Play
What have we learned? The Seahawks are still good, as it turns out. Percy Harvin, when healthy, is one of the most fun players to watch. ("Lord have mercy," Russell Wilson said afterward, "we've got Percy.") And the read option is alive and well....

Diamondbacks Fire Kevin Towers
The Arizona Diamondbacks will announce the firing of GM Kevin Towers later this morning, according to AZCentral, possibly seeking a grindinger, grittier, harder-nosed GM with more intangibles and who's willing to stand up for his suitemates in the front office....

Deadspin Up All Night: Transformin' with the MegatronDon spittin' out flames
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. My light is brilliant....

A Compilation Of Retro NFL Ads
The good people at WorldWideInterweb have put together this reel of NFL stars' commercials from the '70s, '80s, and '90s. So many goobers....

We Made Some Really Stupid Madden GIFs, And So Can You
For some reason, EA thought it would be a good idea to let the internet make GIFs using Madden player models. They made a site for it and everything, underwritten by the NFL, NFLPA, and Google. We spent 15 minutes trying to make them regret it. Here's what we came up with, but we're sure you crimina...

The Worst Road Users, Ranked
The streets are not safe. Lurking around every corner there is an asshole cyclist or a maniacal UPS driver ready to plow into anyone in sight. In our parks, children and the elderly are routinely yelled at by runners, cyclists, and stoners on longboards (watch out, breh). And in our cities, unifor...

Why Your Team Sucks 2014: Philadelphia Eagles
Some people are fans of the Philadelphia Eagles. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Philadelphia Eagles. This 2014 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group....

An NFL Safety's Zen Quest For The Perfect Hit
Excerpted from The Library of America's unflinching anthology, Football: Great Writing About the National Sport, edited by our old pal John Schulian . Reprinted here with permission of the author's son, Mark Kram Jr. ...

Junior Seau's Family Rejects Concussion Settlement With NFL
Junior Seau's family will back out of the proposed concussion settlement being offered to former NFL players, ESPN's Mark Fainaru-Wada and Steve Fainaru report today. Instead, the family will pursue its own wrongful death suit, according to the family's lawyer, Steven Strauss. ...

Andre Iguodala Pokes Fun At Haka Dance; Steven Adams Is Not Amused
The New Zealand national team did a haka dance before playing Team USA in the FIBA World Cup Tuesday, and it was neat to watch, as haka dances are. (James Harden and Derrick Rose seemed puzzled as it happened, but whatever.) The Warriors' Andre Iguodala, who isn't playing in the tournament, cracked ...


Denver Mayor Doesn't Know CSU Coach's Name; CSU Coach Gets All Sad
Despite the fact that the University of Colorado and Colorado State University both have garbage-ass football programs, the two schools like to make a very big deal out of their annual early-season meeting, which is dubbed "The Rocky Mountain Showdown" and played in the Broncos' stadium. So of cours...

Tom Brady Was Asked Whether He Saw Wes Welker Eat Drugs At The Derby
Patriots QB Tom Brady was asked for his thoughts on former teammate Wes Welker, who's about to start serving a four-game suspension for amphetamine use. (One report claimed Welker took adulterated molly at the Kentucky Derby; Welker has denied it.)...
