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Bartender Unwittingly Serves "Flaming Lithuanian"
Keep an eye on the balding fellow, leftmost among the guys in white shirts at the start of the video. Look at that poor bastard. Dude's tired and depressed from a long day of middle-managing a Lithuanian bioinformatics firm or whatever, just minding his own business, trying to have a drink and a g...
![Extremely Intoxicated Metro North Passenger Munches On Floor Chips [Update]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/Image_Not_Found_1x_qjofp8.png)
Extremely Intoxicated Metro North Passenger Munches On Floor Chips [Update]
This horrible incident occurred on one of New York's Metro North trains, which are often booze-fueled nightmares, full of shit-hammered White Plains residents trying to get home at 1:45 a.m. after drinking themselves stupid in the Meatpacking District....

NCAA Head Injury Lawsuit Settled With $70 Million Brain Evaluation Fund
The NCAA has settled a class-action lawsuit by agreeing to set up a $70 million fund to evaluate current and former NCAA athletes in a variety of contact sports for brain trauma. Unlike the NFL's maligned but needed settlement that's still evolving, this seems at first blush like an OK deal for NCAA...

Adorable Kid Hugs His Dad For Catching A Foul Ball
Here we have a brief moment from this afternoon's Padres-Braves game and, god damn, is it ever the cutest. Dad and son take in an afternoon ballgame when all of sudden, a foul ball comes their way. Triumphant dad displays the ball he has just snagged, his son echoes that triumph for exactly one se...

Deadspin Up All Night: They Make Their Profits
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin....

The Scouting Reports Said Greg Maddux Shouldn't Have Been So Awesome
A scouting report of Greg Maddux from 1985, the year before his first call-up, is making the rounds today. It's funny because the scout declared Maddux was "not strong enough to be a starter," and we all know how that turned out. ...

What Would Your Ideal Sports Website Look Like?
Serious question. Approach from any angle you wish. If you could build a sports site from scratch, what would it look like? What would it cover? What sort of bells and whistles would you want? Tell us in the discussion below....

Deals: $10 off $40 at Target, the Ultimate Home Theater, Worx JawSaw
If you don't mind running to your nearest Target store, you can take $10 off a $40 order today when you buy online, but pick up in-store. You can use this deal four times per account, giving you up to $40 in savings on video games, electronics, groceries, or anything else in stock at Target. [Get $...

D.C. Station Remembers The Good Times, When Radio Guys Could Say "Fag"
WJFK, a CBS-owned sportstalker serving the D.C. market, made a big announcement last week. LaVar Arrington, the former Washington Redskins star and longtime co-host of the station's afternoon show, LaVar and Dukes, had moved to Los Angeles to join the NFL Network. Instead of hiring a big-name replac...

Gennady Golovkin's Brutal, Off-Balance KO Punch Now In Extreme Slow-Mo
Gennady Golovkin easily dispatched his foe Daniel Geale Saturday night, bumping his record to 30-0 (27 by knockout) and retaining his WBA and IBO middleweight belts. No moment in the match better explains why the Kazakh fighter is boxing's scariest man alive than the knockout punch itself: deliv...

NFL Exec Stumbles Way Through Ray Rice Explanation
Adolpho Birch became the highest-ranking NFL executive so far to publicly address Ray Rice's two-game suspension for domestic violence, a penalty that many found lenient. But in his appearance on Mike & Mike this morning, one of Roger Goodell's top deputies had no good answers....

Josh Harrison Overshoots Second Base, Somehow Escapes Rundown
Pirates utility man Josh Harrison overshot second base on his steal attempt in Sunday's game against the Rockies, so he took his only option left and kept going to third. It worked!...

Troy Tulowitzki Went To A Yankees Game And Everyone's Freaking Out
Troy Tulowitzki will be in another uniform next year. That's not to impress you with my predictive abilities, or to rub it in for Rockies fans, or to make some kind of observation about small-market teams' inability to keep their homegrown stars. It's just a statement of fact. As in: the sun will co...

Greg Maddux Makes Fart Joke During His HOF Induction Speech
Greg Maddux keeps the Greg Maddux Stories rolling with the ol' lighting-your-own farts-on-fire-with-your-brother gag. Never change, you magnificent weirdo....

There's A Tiny Grammatical Error On Greg Maddux's HOF Plaque
The offending passage is "...3,000 strikeouts and less than 1,000 walks." Grammar wonks will tell you that "less" should be used with things that are uncountable, like volume. "There is less space in my apartment" is a correct usage. "Fewer" should be used with things that are countable. For example...

Greg Maddux Had A Running Gag Where He Insulted A Reporter's Mother
Since he was voted into the Hall of Fame, there's been a bit of a cottage industry of Weirdo Greg Maddux stories and, flood the market, we say; the more Maddux stories the better. Yahoo's Tim Brown has a nice profile of Maddux that you should check out, but we'd like to point out the part where Madd...

Golovkin Demolishes Geale
Tonight's Gennady Golovkin-Daniel Geale bout on HBO was nasty, brutish, and short. It wasn't as short as it should have been, though, because a (drunk?) timekeeper allowed the opening round to go for four minutes....

The Rockies Misspelled Troy Tulowitzki's Name On Jersey Giveaway Night
It's Free Troy Tulowizki Shirt Day at Coors Field, guys! Somehow, some way, the Colorado Rockies had themselves a Troy Tulowitzki Jersey Day and misspelled the man's goddamned name. The only thing they had to do was slap his name on a shirt and they fucked it up. Come on, Rockies. ...

Master Troll Painter Sneaks Tom Brady Into Poster Of New York Heroes
So yesterday, an old editor emailed me with the above photo and funny story. The MTA, New York City's subway and bus system, is selling a new poster for Brooklyn's Grand Army Plaza, a location that serves both as a subway station and the entrance to New York's iconic Prospect Park. The MTA commissio...