ah Page 455 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Lost Poise
Mark Sanchez threw three picks in yesterday's loss to the Saints, and on the season he has five interceptions against four touchdowns, all of which means that sportswriters must now address the grave matter of Sanchez's inexplicable lack of poise....
The Poise Is Back In Town
Another week, another victory for Mark Sanchez, another opportunity for New York Times Jets writer Greg Bishop to limn the quarterback's lukewarm heroics with his favorite word. You know the one....
The Goggles Do Nothing
Those crazy bastards actually did it....
And The Red Sox/Yankees Rivalry Is Still Punchy
Red Sox 2004 rallying cry: "Why Not Us?" Red Sox 2009 rallying cry: "Go home to ya mutha!" [Busted Coverage]...
Steve McNair Murder Scene An Ill-Advised Halloween Display
Halloween! Time to scare the kiddies with graphic depictions of recently murdered NFL quarterbacks! That's what one amusement park figures, at least before the inevitable boycott. Let's work up our righteous indignation....
NFL Highlight Of The Week: Frank Gore's 80-Yard Gallop
Because the NFL has such a stingy rebroadcast policy, we've decided to recreate the week's best highlight using a white gerbil, a tree frog and actual game audio. Suspend disbelief....
No Autographs, Please. Mr. Hellraiser Has A Plane To Catch
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....
It's Bizarro Phillies Dad!
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day...
I'll See Your Vagina And Raise You A Penis
Due to an obscure legal loophole called The Constitution, business can't restrict ladies' nights promotions to women. So when a man entered a ladies' poker tournament in Atlantic City, guess what happened?...
WWE's Linda McMahon Scores Key Endorsement In Actual, Not-Fake Senate Bid
McMahon, wife of Vince, CEO of WWE, enemy of budget deficits, is running for Chris Dodd's Senate seat. "Connecticut needs Linda McMahon," says former wrestler Lanny "The Genius" Poffo. "She is the opposite of Nancy Pelosi." Senton bomb! [Daily Beast]...
In A Time Of Mourning, Our Nation Turns Its Eyes To Jair Jurrjens
Earlier this summer, as you already know, pop culture icons Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett died on the same day in a tragic and unexpected murder suicide....
The Jehovah's Witnesses Are Unhappy With Fellow Witness Serena Williams
"Furthering the teaching that Judgments are only for those outside the Organization, Serena Williams threatened a line judge with a dose of Jehovah's Witness authority yesterday. Her comments were blasphemous, having been used in connection with 'God.'" [Jehovahs-Witness.net]...
Most Auburn Fans Are Doltish Cretins, Obviously
Have you ever been to Auburn? No? Well, I have, and IT SUCKS! Which is why, in order to "attract" recruits, the program has to dispatch its illiterate boosters to harass the nation's top prep talent into signing with them....
Your Disdain for America Will Not Be Tolerated by the Newark Bears
Thomas Cetnar, an ex-cop convicted of stealing drug money, owns the Newark Bears, a minor league team managed by Tim Raines. Cetnar ejected three teenagers for not standing during "God Bless America." They're now suing him in federal court....
When Erin Met Oprah
The much-discussed Erin Andrews-Oprah Winfrey interview aired today and now that Oprah has done her Oprah thing the door is probably officially closed on this matter....
Ex-OSU Tight End May Have a Problem With Raping People
Earlier this week, sophomore Jamal Mosley up and left the Oklahoma State football team for what head coach Mike Gundy called "personal reasons". Turns out by "personal reasons", he meant "multiple rape allegations". To-may-to, to-mah-to, I guess....
Fire It Up And Get The Skanks, Hoosiers
Football season is upon us, which means that thousands of angry, horny, feisty pretend fans will converge upon this great nation's red cup-littered parking lots to participate in traditional tailgating revelry. These are not those stories....
Jeff Jagodzinski Has Not Had A Good Year
Tampa Bay has not even seen their new offense in real-time competition yet, but they have apparently seen enough to know that it stinks. They fired coordinator Jeff Jagodzinski today, just one week before Opening Day....
The Math Of Kahn: Ricky Rubio's Deal In Spain Could Work Out For Timberwolves
As expected, the Basketball Jonas has signed with FC Barcelona, meaning he'll join the NBA in 2011, at the earliest. This is bad news for basketball fans and Gillette's marketing department but maybe — maybe — not David Kahn's Timberwolves....
Oklahoma State Fans Incensed Over New Lame-Ass Fight Song
The Oklahoma State Cowboys are unveiling a new pre-game song this year which has some alumni and current students upset due to the tune's overall nonsensical wussiness. Cowboys Forever, y'all....