ah Page 466 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Sarah Palin Sentences Future Son To Lifetime Of Ass Kickings, Possible Ice Grooming
Sarah Palin recently did an interview for the upcoming issue of People Magazine in which she, among other things, refers to herself as "an intellectual," and lists some of the publications she reads on a regular basis. But later in the article, almost as an aside, she speculates on the name she woul...
Blues Announce Sarah Palin Puck Drop; Forfeit Season
Noticing how seamlessly everything went together when the Philadelphia Flyers tried it, the St. Louis Blues thought that they'd get in on some of that sweet Sarah Palin puck-droppin' action theyownselves. The Blues confirmed Wednesday that Palin will drop the first puck at the Scottrade Center on Fr...
30 Previews In 30 Days: The Oklahoma City Thunder
NBA training camps have begun; the season is rapidly approaching. Can you dig it? I knew that you could. And so we continue our previews: 30 of them in 30 days. Up next is a team that isn't even supposed to be here today! They are: The Oklahoma City Thunder. When last we saw them: Finished 20-62, fi...
College Football Roundup: Mommas Don't Bring Your Babies to Neyland
Just a tip, don’t ever try and take a baby into Neyland Stadium. No matter how old the kid (ours is less than nine months old and was sleeping in a baby bjorn on his mom’s chest). Babies have to have tickets to Neyland too. I have no idea why the University of Tennessee would have this policy. Espe...
Economic Meltdown Provides Small Silver Lining Seattle Sonics Fans
In these troubled times that we live in, people need to focus on the little things that help get them through their day. The laughter of a child, the good health of loved ones, and the delicious schadenfreude of watching greedy corporate bastards lose a billion dollars or so right after stealing you...
College Football Roundup: Carnage Came and Carnage Conquered
For those of you who emailed and asked whether the bearded guy in the orange shirt on the sideline at UT-Georgia was me. Yep, it was. There's a refined sense of pleasure in being a fan and watching your team suffer a drubbing from the sideline. I think I spoke about five words the entire game becau...
'Red River Shootout' Should Moisten Panties Just Fine
Those of you looking for that blatantly marquee matchup today are in for something special: The Big XII will take center stage today with the 103rd renewal of the Red River Shootout. Of course, now they've given the game this miffy, effeminate name of the "Red River Rivalry," which elicits the same ...
Prop Odds On Sarah Palin's Puck Dropping Skills
I think what I admire most about America — after our vast interstate highway system and the existence of fried elephant ears — is that you can literally bet on anything. The thing I admire most after that, is that a vice-presidential candidate could appear at professional hockey game in Philadelphia...
Sox Fans To Rays Fans: I'll See Your Landing Strip and Raise You A Brazilian
Yesterday, female Rays fans garnered national attention for their fan solidarity through a Rayhawk bikini wax, but Red Sox fans, undaunted by the plucky gesture, are planning a pubic counterstrike. Bugs and Cranks picked up a Boston Craig's List ad which reveals the plan of attack: ...
College Football Preview: Texas and Oklahoma Is At NOON (EST) You Drunk Idiots
The biggest week of college football games comes at a good time. Your stocks are tanking, summer is fading, you may or may not get fired in the newest round of layoffs, and you're thinking about getting an MBA or going to law school but you're not sure whether it makes sense to take out the student...
Sarah Palin's Pucksterism Comes to Flyers Opening Night
Yesterday the Philadelphia Flyers announced that a special guest will drop the ceremonial first puck for their home opener against the New York Rangers Saturday night and it's none other than everyone's favorite moose killer, vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin. Although Palin has no direct ties...
John Lackey Will Reverse Earth's Orbit And Keep Replaying This Game Until Angels Win
So for those scoring at home, Boston's 3-2, walkoff victory on Monday was the third time that the Red Sox have eliminated the Angels from the division series (2004 and 2007 were the others), a fact that did not sit well with LA starter John Lackey. In fact, Lackey insisted after the game that Boston...
ALDS Game 4: Angels Vs. Red Sox
If the Angels lose, they go home. If the Angels win, they ... go home. If they tie, you will never sleep tonight. Those are your options. The pitchers pitching are Jon Lester and John Lackey. The announcers announcing are Chip Caray and Buck Martinez. The jumpers jumping are everybody except you ......
Rich Eisen's Wife Scolds Sarah Palin For Post-Debate Parading of Down Syndrome Baby
Rich Eisen's wife, former ABC Sportscaster Suzy Shuster, has this occasional column for lib dumping ground The Huffington Post and is fast emerging as one of the most terrifying women on the planet due to her attack dog writing-style. Last Friday, Shuster took the vice presidential nominee to task f...
College Pitcher Sues NCAA, Scott Boras Somehow Involved
Oklahoma State star pitcher Andrew Oliver was barred by school officials from pitching in a tournament game in May. They claim that he violated NCAA rules involving meetings with professional teams. Oliver is now suing the NCAA. ...
Thursday Night Football Previews: Pitt at South Florida; Oregon State at Utah
Thursday night college football arrives with a televised double-header. ESPN brings us Pittsburgh at South Florida and something called the Versus Network brings us Oregon State at Utah. Like me you have no idea if you have actually have Versus and if demanded on pain of death to give ten guesses a...
30 Previews In 30 Days: The Atlanta Hawks
NBA training camps have begun; the season is rapidly approaching. Can you dig it? I knew that you could. And so we begin our previews: 30 of them in 30 days. Let's begin with everyone's secret favorite: The Atlanta Hawks. When last we saw them: Finished 37-45, third in the Southeast Division and eig...
Michael Strahan's Strong Enough to be A Vaseline Man
In the spirit of Rafael Palemeiro for Viagra and Grant Hilll for staph infections comes Michael Strahan for...Vaseline. Now, now, now — before everybody hops on the obvious slippery connotations of such an endorsement, it appears Strahan's gap-toothed grin isn't going to be on the front of the spook...
College Football Roundup Week 5: The Saga of Destroyed College Gameday Signs
Each week more signs appear behind the stage at ESPN's College Gameday. Some are original and funny (Knowshon Crossing sign with his leaping outline), some are entirely inside jokes (let's make a sign with our friend's name on it and hold it up for three hours early in the morning), and some are de...
ALDS Preview: Angels Vs. Red Sox
The most refreshing aspect of the Red Sox-Angels series is that it's happening in the ALDS rather than the ALCS. This means, no matter what, that either the Devil Rays, the White Sox or the Twins will be playing for the World Series. In a crazy year, this is far more fitting than yet another Boston...