ah Page 470 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Singing The Praises Of The Lakers-Celtics Rivalry
Believe it or not, there was a time when the biggest problem that Isiah Thomas had was random Boston Celtics attempting to place shoes on his head. The year was 1987, and that's not just any Celtic, actually; it's the great Kevin McHale. The last year that Boston has been in the NBA Finals also happ...
The Law Finally Catches Up With The Cruzin Cooler
You may think that this is a free nation; where a man can enjoy a full day of holiday drinking and then drive home peacefully on his motorized cooler without being harrassed by the authorities. But you'd be wrong. A Whitehall, N.Y. man found that out on Memorial Day when he was pulled over while dri...
A Whipping To The Sunshine State Spearfish Mates
Slate's Robert Weintraub, like many of us, loves the old purple prose of early 1900s sportswriting, the Grantland Rices, the men who painted epic tales of warriors, grizzled combatants and lardywarks too manly to wear gloves. In an occasional series, Weintraub writes about the week's best baseball g...
Packers Running Back Puts Burglar On IR
Confronted with a gang of burglars in his home, Green Bay Packers' running back Noah Herron did the obvious thing: He unscrewed a bedpost and knocked one of the them the hell out, and chased the others off the premises. That's exactly what I would have done, if you substitute "unscrewed a bedpost" ...
Enterprising Red Wings Fan Finds Clever Way To Give The Penguins More Money
19-year-old Zach Smith, native of Cleveland but lover of the Red Wings, devised an ingenious scheme that would not only allow him to throw an octopus on the ice of Mellon Arena last night before Game 4 but still be able to watch the game after he got tossed. His very canny, super savvy plan: buy an...
Mariah Isn't Even The Worst
The famous Cincinnati mayor Mark Mallory is still probably the worst, though his endless "jokey" PR campaign about it took a lot of the fun out of it. If we ever had to throw out a first pitch sometime, we'd be so nervous, we probably wouldn't do much better. We wonder if celebrities can just start ...
Oye Como Va! Twice The Santana Means Twice The Fun
Please do not confuse Johan Alexander Santana Araque, pitcher for the Mets, with Ervin Ramon Santana, pitcher for the Angels. One is from Venezuela (chief exports: Petroleum, bauxite and aluminum) and one is from the Dominican Republic (predominant religion: Roman Catholicism). Unfortunately, we ar...
You'll Want to Watch Ronny Turiaf For 12 Minutes Straight
TNT is rhetorically asking who you [points menacingly] want to have their own dedicated camera on for the first quarter. Natch, Kobe Bryant is running away with the vote, but the Turiaf movement is underway. Sadly, it's not going so well:...
The Jazz Have Some Truly Charming Fans
Last month, ESPN's Ric Bucher took some heat for saying that Jazz fans are vicious because they're Mormons and there's nothing else to do in Salt Lake City. That might or might not be true, but one thing is certain: They really are quite vicious....
Of Mice And Men
You can imagine my pride when I discovered that my two local baseball teams, the Giants and Athletics, were found to be among the worst transgressors in a recent survey of health code violations at stadium concessions. As far as Oakland's McAfee Coliseum goes, all I have to hear are the terms "overh...
The Era Of Hannah Storm's Sports Center Will Blow (In) Soon
On Saturday, SI.com's Richard Deitsch revealed that ESPN was plopping long-time sports-and-news talking head Hannah Storm into the new morning slot for Sports Center. Tomorrow, ESPN will make the formal announcement at upfront presentations, the big-snazzy press conference done to get the advertiser...
Hannah Storm To Weather SportsCenter Circus
Hannah Storm may have the name of a pro wrestler, but she's a serious germalist. She was the first full-time female sports anchor at CNN and a prominent figure at NBC Sports for a decade before jumping to CBS to host the CBS Early Show. She also told us about injuries in Madden '96, so she's got tha...
Reports Of Limatime's Demise Greatly Exaggerated
A few weeks ago, it seemed, the world was faced with the sad prospect of bidding farewell to Limatime when reports surfaced out of Korea that he had been released by the Kia Tigers. Mope no longer, lovers of exuberant pitchers with stacked wives, for not only is Limatime born anew with the Tigers, ...
In Salt Lake City, The Bottle Hits <em>You</em>
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who would like to abuse his position to give a public shout-out to his buddy Dave, who just got his Master's Degree from Purdue University. Way to go, Dave! When he's not making with the gratuitous congratulations, he can be found trimming his unibrow at Bas...
HBO: Jessica Simpson Will Not Retard Our Football Camp Show
Everyone getting excited about the upcoming season of Hard Knocks: Dallas Cowboys has every right to be. With a colorful cast of characters to choose from like Terrell Owens, Pacman Jones (please), Tony Romo and the mesmerizing handywork of Jerry Jones' plastic surgeon, it'll be entertaining televis...
Free Darko On Los Angeles-Utah
We're looking at every NBA Playoff series through the eyes of both Free Darko. Here's Free Darko's look at the Los Angeles Lakers-Utah Jazz series. Your author is Bethlehem Shoals....
Leeeeet's Get Ready to Spar!
Oscar de la Hoya and Steve Forbes are set to face off at the Home Depot Center in Carson, California, for some reason that nobody can quite explain. I'm not about to turn down a chance to see one of the sport's greatest competitors fight a weak opponent, but in a year that's been packed with incred...
Sacha Baron Cohen's New Guy Is Tall
Wait a minute, where did all of those Hawks fans come from?...
But Where Are Rich Garces' Tits?
And...we're off. Welcome to today's first plummet into non-newsworthy despicability intended for the sole purpose of making your work day more amusing....
It's Deja Vu In The NBA Playoffs
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who is mourning the Suns today. When he's not being bummed out, you can find him hating the Spurs at Basketbawful. Enjoy!...