al Page 6297 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Game Sevens Beyond Thunderdome
The NHL Closer is written by the five degenerates over at Melt Your Face Off, who attempt to reconcile their deviant behavior by invoking Sykes & Matza's Neutralization Theory and participating in the recreational pursuits of latch-hooking and bad MS Paint projects....
Youth Prevails! (Except In San Antonio)
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who spent most of last night scribbling CP3-4-Me all over his Trapper Keeper. When he's not man-loving on Chris Paul, he can be found practicing his Duncan face at Basketbawful. Enjoy! The doctor is most definitely in. Chris Paul may not have graduated from...
About Last Night
What you missed while nervously checking your pants every 10 minutes ... • NBA: The Spurs always seem to show up for the playoffs, eh? San Antonio 102, Phoenix 96. • NFL: Shaun is long gone. Sad, really. • MLB: Abreu's power surge supports Yankees' undefeated Wang. Or something like that....
You're No Yngwie Malmsteen, Banana Hands
Don't you go Hollywood, Jake....
Cuban's Sanity Is In Peril, And Hey: Suns-Spurs Again!
As tends to be the case in these NBA playoffs, the Eastern Conference game tonight, between the Raptors and the Magic, is so skipable to sports fans that it might as well be a hockey game. (Sorry!) The Western Conference drama is engulfing it all....
ESPN Insists You Watch Them Torture Miguel Tejada
Tonight at 7 p.m. ET, ESPN's E:60 unleashes its orchestrated ambush of Miguel Tejada in all of its uncomfortable, Schapp'd-up glory. They couldn't sit on the story long enough because, well, a 33-year-old man posing as a 31-year-old is something that needs to be revealed as soon as possible so that...
The Countdown To A Recitation Of Names You Don't Know Begins Now
As we've made clear before, we have a hard time firing ourselves up for the NFL Draft. It's the type of weird madhouse obsession with young men who are just trying to figure themselves out that ends up leading to situations like the one with Kevin Hart. It's a big list of names of people you don't k...
Four Out Of Five Dentists Think Joe Girardi Is Nuts
Further proof that Joe Girardi is the Frank Burns of AL managers; he has forbidden the Yankees to eat candy or gum. Yes, that should turn the tide. New York would have four or five more World Series trophies if not for the evil of Skittles. Girardi is being really strict about this....
To Watch Tonight
What to watch while preparing for the NFL Draft ... • NBA: Western Conference quarterfinals, Game 2, Dallas at New Orleans (7 p.m., ET), Western Conference quarterfinals, Game 2, Phoenix at San Antonio (9:30 p.m., ET). The Southwest Shall Rule Again. [TNT] • NHL: Western Conference quarterfinals, Ga...
Sing A Song, America, And Please Look Silly Doing So
Of all the legacies that Harry Caray left us — Horry Kow, folks! HORRY KOW! — the most lasting will almost certainly be the warblings of "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" that have infiltrated not only Wrigley Field, but all our nation's stadiums. Well, now Major League Baseball is getting in on the "ac...
The Cubs Are Enjoying Their Solid Start
The Chicago Cubs have the second best record in baseball, are a half game up in first place in the National League Central and already are starting to gather those "they're gonna do it this time" mumbles around baseball. (How cute!) But allowing them to hang out in the dugout with Sports Illustrate...
Inglorious Bastardization
The Sports Illustrated cover line writers are big fans of glorious returns, obviously. But what makes these particular returns that much more glorious than others? This is the question posed by Deadspin reader Chris Corley, who asks who will be the next Return To Glory....
Catch New Jersey Nets Playoff Excitement!
It wasn't the best season for the New Jersey Nets — but hey, Vince Carter is still around! — but that's not stopping the Nets from maximizing all corporate sponsorship opportunities....
Raging Bull: More Trouble For Chicago's NBA Mascot
As we learned with this whole ugly Isiah Thomas thing, every NBA owner has his tipping point. Chicago Bulls owner Jerry Reinsdorf just may have reached his. It's the story you've heard so many times before: Colorful Bulls mascot Benny the Bull is being sued by an oral surgeon for an aggressive high-...
Pennsylvanians, Slam "Dunk" That "Vote"
If you happen to one of our Pennsylvania-area readers — and we know that some of you do, in fact, exist — we hope you've already made it out there and voted....
Canadiens Fans Advance To Second Round With Quiet Dignity
Sure, beating the Boston Bruins at any point in the NHL playoffs is a monumental achievement; just ask Bill Simmons. But I'm beginning to suspect that Montreal fans are just looking for an excuse to riot. Looting after a first-round playoff win? Really? Look, Canada ... the NBA Playoffs are going on...
Terry Pettis And The Infinite Madness
Being a sports reporter is, at times, an absolutely horrible job. Sure you get to watch games, travel and interact with athletes, but there is a horrendous downside. (Which is pretty much everything else.) And this is never more disturbingly clear than when a reporter has their first (or 50th) awful...
Fun With Blue Jays Fans
• A day in the life of a progressively drunker Blue Jays fan. [Joe Sports Fan] • Bengals fans, donate your Chad Johnson jerseys. [Who Dey Revolution] • Fun with Mets fans in Philly. [The 700 Level] • Doesn't look like the Wizards are going to hang around very long. [Waiting For Next Year] • Marv Alb...
Jeff Reed Is Available If You Have Drink Specials
If you're hanging around Altoona, Penn., at the beginning of June, we highly encourage you to drop by the game between the New Britain Rockcats and the Altoona Curve. Because they've got quite the celebrity throwing out the first pitch....