al Page 6394 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
All Mascots Need Teardrop Tattoos
We have long felt that our nationwide mascot menace has proven, ultimately, not quite menacing enough for our tastes. Fortunately, some students at Colorado are fixing that....
Prepare Thyself For ... Pac Man Jones Strip Club News
OK, now we hope you are sitting down. Take a drink of water. Relax. Deep breaths. OK. Are you ready? Are you really ready? Because you're gonna need some time to digest this one: Pac Man Jones is in trouble with the law again....
ESPN's Featured Comment Of The Day
ESPN scoured its message boards this morning to find its wittiest, boldest, most enlightening comment, and chose this one above all others ......
Glen Rice Is Concerned With His Estranged Wife's System For Utilizing Closet Space
We haven't caught up with former NBA All-Star Glen Rice for a while. What's he up to? Playin' some golf? Sellin' some cars? Well, no. He's walking into his estranged wife's home and finding a guy hiding in the closet. Uh-oh....
Little People Wrestling At Northwestern
The video above is an advertisement for Half Print Brawlers, which advertises that "midgets bleed for your enjoyment." Well, we suppose that's truth in advertising....
The Stars Come Out For The Australian Open
For the majority of her yearly tournament appearances, 17-year-old Austrian tennis star Tamira Paszek manages to keep the twins indoors, as they say. (OK, no one says that but me). But when the Australian Open rolls around, things change. She's out there, Jerry! And she's lovin' every minute of it...
Respect the Conk! Tame the Puck!
The NHL Closer is written by Greg Wyshynski, of The FanHouse and The Fourth Period. He is also the author of Glow Pucks And 10-Cent Beer. Enjoy....
Ask Jeeves, The Butler Did It
The NBA Closer is written by our Canadian weekend maestro J.E. Skeets. When he's not busy scouring the box scores or shuffling around in his revolutionary sleeping bag, he can be heard on The Basketball Jones daily podcast....
About Last Night
What you missed while talking like Jack Bauer ... • College basketball: Despite missing injured starters Levance Fields, Mike Cook, Ladainian Tomlinson and Philip Rivers, No. 15 Pitt still beats No. 5 Georgetown, 69-60. • NBA: Kobe scores 48, not counting Alaska and Hawaii, as Lakers beat SuperSonic...
Setting The Table For Two More Rather Important Games Of Foot-Ball
We'd actually forgotten about this, but now that both teams are meeting again in the AFC Championship Game, it's worth reminding everybody about: LaDainian Tomlinson totally hates the Patriots....
To Watch Tonight
What to watch as you maneuver Tank Chair into viewing position to watch ANYTHING YOU DAMN WELL PLEASE ... • College basketball: Georgetown at Pittsburgh (7 p.m., ET); Oklahoma at Kansas (9 p.m., ET); Gonzaga at Pepperdine (midnight, ET). Screw sleep; let's watch Pepperdine! [ESPN] • NHL: New York Ra...
The Epic Tale Of Borders Porn Purchasing
Apparently, that issue of Penthouse we told you about last week has hit newsstands. We haven't seen it yet, but it's at least at Borders. But be careful, if you head out to purchase it....
Dick Vitale Wasn't Gone For Long
With conference play under way and some big match-ups around the corner, the college basketball season's on its way to 11. Nearly ready to crank up the volume is the Master of Decibels himself, Dickie V:...
Saying Goodbye To Scott Rolen
Even though the infighting between Scott Rolen and Tony LaRussa made the trade pretty much inevitable, we were still sad to see Scott Rolen traded to the Blue Jays for Troy Glaus. We like Glaus, don't get us wrong; the guy's a better hitter, younger, has a more reasonable contract and isn't afraid t...
Snorgtees Girl Likes The Braves, Gets Paid Zilch
We've known the identity of the Snorg T-shirt girl for quite awhile now, of course; Alice Fraasa, 19, attends Auburn, where she majors in communication. Loves the Atlanta Braves, Harry Potter, and is an atheist. But what I didn't know is how much money she rakes in. The Snorgtees ads that feature he...
All Hail The Loathsome Ronaldo
David Hirshey writes regularly for Deadspin about soccer....
The Utah Jazz Had More Fun On New Years Eve Than You Did
You might have seen these by now, but in case you haven't ... here's proof that the Utah Jazz are destined to have goofy parties whenever Andrei Kirilenko hosts them....
Dana Jacobson Has The Sole Appropriate Reaction To The Mike And Mike Roast
Last Friday night, they held that "Mike And Mike Celebrity Roast" thing in Atlantic City. It was about as entertaining as you'd expected it to be, according to the Press Of Atlantic City. (No offense to Trey Wingo, but when you host half the show, and the other half is hosted by Jeffrey Ross, you're...
Et Tu, 50 Cent?
• In case you missed it, a bunch of entertainers were linked to steroids this weekend. [You Been Blinded] • Honestly, KSK nailed Philip Rivers, didn't they? [Kissing Suzy Kolber] • Caveman soccer. [The Beautiful Game] • The X Games ads look a lot like the ads for "Cloverfield." [Pittsburgh Sports An...