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Here's Chad McGhee With Your Weekly Knox City Greyhounds Update
Yes, Chad McGhee's favorite six-man high-school football team is one step closer to the dream because "the knox city greyhounds are the bi-district CHAMPIONS!!!!!!!!!!"...

Mike Krzyzewski Won His 903rd Game As A Coach Tonight
"NEW YORK - Mike Krzyzewski became Division I's all-time winningest coach when No. 6 Duke beat Michigan State 74-69 on Tuesday night in the State Farm Champions Classic." [AP via WSJ] ...

This Week In Unintentional Dong Submissions
HOLY SHIT, BONFIRE DONG!!! (As Tom G. was kind enough to share: "There was a bonfire at my brother-in-law's house and it was a big pile of brush so I decided to take a picture of a 20 foot fire. I captured a giant flaming dong.")...

A Comprehensive Timeline Of The Penn State Child Sex Abuse Scandal
On Nov. 5, a Pennsylvania grand jury indicted former Penn State defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky on 40 criminal counts for allegedly sexually abusing eight boys between the mid-1990s and the late 2000s. Tim Curley, Penn State's athletic director, and Gary Schultz, the school's former vice presid...

Penn State Hired Merck CEO Kenneth Frazier To Investigate The Sandusky Scandal Because Penn State Is Dumb
So Penn State now has PSU alum and Merck Chairman and CEO Kenneth Frazier looking into what went wrong in the Sandusky affair. Frazier more or less got Merck off the hook for endangering a lot of people with the company's crappy Vioxx painkiller. According to Snigdha Prakash at Slate:...

Deadspin Up All Night: Chat Away, Amigos y Amigas
Thanks for your continued support of Deadspin. This space is for you....

Meet The Minor Leaguer And Scam Artist Who Sold A Pittsburgh Pirate To Australia
Surely it was a surprising development when Pirates outfielder Xavier Paul agreed to sign with the Brisbane Bandits of the Australian Baseball League this season. But his agent dotted the I's and crossed the T's, and Brisbane rolled out the red carpet for Paul to make his debut last week....

Biggest Presidential Penis: WHO YA GOT?!
Before we get to the Funbag this week, I'm in Brooklyn for a Gelf Magazine thing on Thursday if you feel like going. It's at Pacific Standard. Afterwards, we can all get drunk and watch Tebow run the T formation against the Jets. Also, I'll be at the National Press Club book fair tonight signing boo...

Allen Iverson Tells Lawyer To "Go To Hell" In Epic Deposition Transcript
A federal judge in Detroit dismissed a $2.5 million lawsuit against Allen Iverson today. The suit had been filed as a result of a bar fight two years ago that allegedly involved Iverson. The Detroit News obtained a transcript of Iverson's deposition, during which he was questioned by a lawyer who h...

Report: "Close To 10 Additional Suspected Victims Have Come Forward" With Accusations Against Jerry Sandusky
A FOX affiliate in Philly had reported something similar a week ago, but the New York Times adds that cops are still working to confirm. [New York Times; photo via AP]...

John Harbaugh Explains Losing To The Seahawks By Saying "Football" Nine Times In 30 Seconds
Football. [Baltimore Sports Report]...

Louisville Players Weren't Prepared For Pitt Because They Were Busy With The New <i>Call Of Duty</i> Game
So, this is the thing: Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 is awesome, and everyone rushed out to buy it when it came out on Tuesday. The NCAA probably should have just canceled all games for this weekend, because crucial Big East showdowns feel a lot less crucial when the Russians are invading Lower Man...

Joe Paterno's Name Has Been Removed From The Big Ten Trophy That Has Not Yet Been Awarded
Retired life is not going any better for toppled morally complicit geezer Joe Paterno. Now his name has been removed from an essentially hypothetical trophy....

New Zealand Rugby Player Goes On Naked, Drunken Rampage
Zac Guildford is a 22 year old member of the famous New Zealand All Blacks rugby squad. Zac Guildford is also a 22 year old with a drinking problem, apparently....

Buffalo's David Nelson Scores Touchdown, Gives Ball To Cowboys Cheerleader Girlfriend
You might have read this week about Kelsi Reich, Cowboys cheerleader and longtime girlfriend of Bills receiver David Nelson. So of course when Nelson caught a touchdown pass in the first half of Buffalo's matchup with Dallas today, he sprinted to the other side of the field in order to give her t...

Dez Bryant Sends Jim Nantz Into Hysterics With Great Touchdown Grab
Dez Bryant ripped this pass right out of the hands of Leodis McKelvin and scored the Cowboys first touchdown of the day. It is unclear whether a CBS intern was required to get a new pair of underwear for Jim Nantz. We are following up....

Dick Vitale Was Duped By A Fake Obama Twitter Account
Dick Vitale shared quite the tale during the Carrier Classic this past Friday. As we all know, President Obama—noted basketball enthusiast—was present for the game which allowed for some down time discussion points....

When Bills WR David Nelson Plays The Cowboys This Afternoon, His Cheerleader Girlfriend Will Be Torn
Kelsi Reich, pictured above, is a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader. A pretty classic looking Dallas Cowboys cheerleader, for that matter. David Nelson is a wide receiver for the Buffalo Bills. You see where this is going. Our generation's Romeo and Juliet, no?...

Watch Jarius Wright Make A Catch That Defines Ridiculous
There really are no words to describe Arkansas Razorback Jarius Wright's catch in the first half tonight against Tennessee, except "concentration." Even though he can't even see the ball for half of the play, he seems to know exactly where it is and how to come down with it cleanly. This is sick....

Your Saturday Night College Football Open Thread
It's been a wild day already and it's not even over yet. Here is your prime time slate of games. Feel free to chat down in the comments with us....