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Your College Football Night Games Open Thread
Notre Dame at Michigan. First night game at the Big House. Should be fun, provided the stadium evacuations are kept to a minimum (ESPN, 8 p.m.)...

Brian Kelly Gets The "U Mad Bro?" College GameDay Sign Treatment
If Notre Dame's coach is mad, bro, Kirk Herbstreit ain't sayin', bro. Also, this:...

Here's Video Of The Goal-Line Stand That Kept Auburn's Winning Streak Alive
The Auburn Tigers held on for a 41-34 win over visiting Mississippi State, in part because of this goal-line stand on QB Chris Relf's rush that could have tied the game (extra point willing) as time expired. The Bulldogs had no timeouts remaining. There was sadness in Starkville....

Your College Football Afternoon Games Open Thread
The showcase game this afternoon is Alabama heading into Happy Valley to face Ole Joe and his Nittany Lions. Game's on ABC, throwback style....

Your College Football Early Games Open Thread
The noon games include Oregon State at No. 8 Wisconsin (ESPN), Toledo at No. 15 Ohio State (Big 10 Network) and Florida Atlantic at No. 17 Michigan State (ESPN3)....

Now The Phillies Have Decided To Affect The Outcome Of Milwaukee's Sausage Races
"Before the top of the sixth began, [second baseman] Pete Orr forgot to look both ways when exiting the dugout and accidentally stepped in front of five racing sausages. He ducked between Polish and Italian but smacked into Hot Dog. The fans booed the sheepish Canadian, who smirked as an entire du...

At Least Four Arizona State Fans Went To Last Night's Game In Blackface
Your morning roundup for Sept. 10, a day when it's apparently illegal for wannabe vampires to bite homeless men outside the neighborhood Hooters. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

This Evening: Welcome To Green Bay, Randall Cobb. How About A Handjob?
Your p.m. roundup for Sept. 9, the day Steve Jobs did not die. H/T to Drew for the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel photo. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Deadspin's College Football Top 25 Or So: Lightning Round
It's time for a new installment of Deadspin's college football rankings. As always, the teams are ranked according to the logic and values of college football, no matter how bizarre or contradictory they may be. Starting this week, that includes actual game results. ...

Joe Paterno's Presidential Medal Of Freedom Is Closer Than Ever
Partisan bickering has reduced Washington to a post-Era of Good Feelings, pre-Capra Thunderdome of hurled insults and hurled feces. But not in Harrisburg! Both of Pennsylvania's Senators and one representative are ignoring party lines to send a letter to Barack Obama, urging him to award Joe Paterno...

Grantland Republished David Foster Wallace's Epic 2006 Essay on Roger Federer, And You Should Go Read It Now
The late author's profile, written for the now-defunct Play, "constituted a dream pairing of writer and subject" that "still stands as one of the most stirring, illuminating essays ever written about the beauty of sport at its highest level," according to the Grantland introduction provided by Mich...

Always Clean The Blood Off Your Hands Before You Hook Up
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Football Coach Says His Team "Don't Need No Meows, No Cats" In Presser Of The Year
David Bennett, head coach of the football team at Coastal Carolina, relayed a message for his team in a press conference on Wednesday. We've transcribed it below so that you can more clearly follow his logic:...

SprtsCntr: There Is Only The NFL
What is ESPN prattling on about right now? We condense your morning SportsCenter to its essence....

When The DEA Raided A Texas High-School Volleyball Coach's House, They Found Steroids And Blow
Timothy Todd Porter teaches physics and astronomy and coaches volleyball at Clear Springs High School in Texas. If what Johnny Law says is true, he was also part of a drug-trafficking ring that peddled feel-goods and get-strongers to students....

The Reports Of NFL Special-Teams Excitement's Demise Were Probably Premature
As you can see from this video compiled by new guy Conor Hastings, Darren Sproles of the New Orleans Saints returned a punt 72 yards for a touchdown tonight. Shortly thereafter, Green Bay Packers rookie Randall Cobb did the same with a 108-yard kickoff return. To which Sproles said oh, ok, I'll ge...

Curtis Granderson And The Orioles's Mascot Shared A Moment This Afternoon
It's impossible to determine exactly what Yankees centerfielder Curtis Granderson and the Oriole Bird were discussing during pregame calisthenics....

Deadspin NFL Kickoff
Locked out? LOCKED IN! It's time for America's hardest-hatted working heroes to knock heads, only not to knock heads, because nobody wants Super Bowl MVP Aaron Rodgers to get knocked out of a game (again), right? Here's your Packers-Saints open thread, to go with our semi-cryptic gambling advice and...

Pig Poops On Own Balls (Photo NSFW Because Pig Is Pooping On Its Own Giant Balls)
Adjectives offered by Deadspin staff to describe the pig's balls: Large, weighty, absurd, massive, ponderous, colossal, tumescent, tumorous, pendulous, prodigious, balls heavy with hot pig bloatum. A.J.'s mostly concerned with the eggplant-sized poop. We all wonder if the pig might be sick, and we ...

Fox Sports Canceled The Show That Made Fun Of USC's Asian Students
Fox Sports announced yesterday that it has permanently canceled the show "The College Experiment," which last week aired a poorly-received experiment at USC. We won't miss you, Bob Oschack! [AP]...