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For Just $400,000, You Can Buy This Portland-Based Co-Ed Kickball Team
From Deadspin's Portland Bureau—tipster Scott—comes a rec league kickball story. Sorry. Keep in mind this Craigslist ad was originally all in caps:...

The Deadspin Guide To The New ESPN Book
The new ESPN oral history, Those Guys Have all the Fun, is now available in stores. We've been having some fun with the book in recent days. Mixed in with our usual sober analysis of satellite transponder rights and ESPN's dual-revenue-stream model, we've also brought you many tales of ESPN people s...

A Photo Of Dirk Nowitzki Astride Mark Cuban, Both Men Enjoying Themselves Immensely
This photo was taken circa 2001 by Sports Illustrated, a year after Mark Cuban bought the Mavericks and began reaching for the brass ring. Those were happy days. Magnolia flowers impregnated the Texas air with sweet perfume. Children gamboled by the Trinity River. And these cowboys loved each other....

All The Unkind Things Bill Simmons Said About His Colleagues In The ESPN Book
One of the most interesting characters to emerge from the ESPN book is the formerly inscrutable Bill Simmons, if only because we've never heard him be so (openly) self-aware before. He again whips out the big swinging dick in some more excerpts....

This Quote Is Why Chris Berman Remains A Vile Piece Of Shit
I haven't been able to peruse the new ESPN book yet, as Daulerio and the others have, but I was struck dumb by a quote from the book that was excerpted by Richard Deitsch over at SI.com. This is what Berman said in regard to the NFL forcing the network to cancel its Playmakers series:...

An In-Depth Examination Of Dad Strength
I was driving to a Metro stop yesterday when I saw a car up ahead that was about to merge into traffic from bus stop lane. And sometimes, you can tell well in advance that the driver about to merge into traffic is a fucking idiot who won't bother looking to see if another car is there. You get that ...

Everyone Hates Everyone In Baseball
The Reds' ace called out the hitters. Fred Wilpon talked shit about everyone. And now Brian Fuentes is talking shit about manager Bob Geren to the media....

Ja'Juan Story Sincerely Regrets Telling Everyone His Doodoo Story
Last week, we brought you the charming story of Florida football recruit Ja'Juan Story, who abandoned all interview protocol and told Gator Country that he prepares for games by "taking a doodoo" and listening to Katy Perry songs. Today, we're sorry to report that he has reneged on his claims, and w...

MLB Will Probably Ask Us To Remove That George W. Bush Foul Ball Video, So Here's A Shitty Drawing I Made
You can watch it here, for now, but I think my drawing better conveys the emotional truth of the moment. Hope you like it....

Secret Service Can't Protect George W. Bush From Foul Ball
They'll take a bullet for the former president, but they can't save him from a lazy foul pop into the box seats in Arlington. Neither could A.J. Pierzynski:...

Your Mavericks/Thunder Game Three Open Thread
Dallas and Oklahoma City resume their NBA Western Conference Championship amid cover-ups relating to Russell Westbrook-gate and worries about the Mavericks's "suddenly shaky defense."...

You Survived The Rapture. So Now What?
If you're reading this on the East Coast, that means we survived The Rapture which Harold Camping pegged for 6 p.m. in each time zone....

It Was Totally Not Brendan Haywood's Fault That Kevin Durant Posterized Him, Says Brendan Haywood
Remember this dunk? Of course you do. It was awesome. Brendan Haywood, whose greatest skill has traditionally been being marginally better than Erick Dampier or Etan Thomas, remembers it too....

Russell Westbrook's Quarter On The Bench Is A Nice Reminder That The NBA Has Coaches
Here's the play, courtesy of Sebastian Pruiti over at the NBA Playbook, that allegedly motivated Scott Brooks to bench his starting point guard for the entire fourth quarter last night. It was, initially, a nerve-racking move to take in: you expect a young team to fold in on itself without its you...

Cockblocked By A Rape Joke!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

A Statistical Analysis Of "Macho Man" Randy Savage's Halfway Decent Professional Baseball Career
Randy Poffo spent four season in the minors, playing in the Cardinals and Reds systems, and never rising above Single-A ball. He put down his bat for good in 1975 and picked up a steel chair and became known to the world as Randy Savage, his brief and unremarkable baseball career amounting to nothin...

Bear Plays Tennis
The Deadspin tips line received an email today with this subject: Bear Playing Tennis. It was a thrilling possibility. A bear playing tennis? You just don't see that everyday. We were prepared to make a lot of half-assed rapture jokes about it....

Ranking The 10 End-Of-The-Human-Race Scenarios
The Rapture is scheduled for tomorrow, and this is roughly the 17th time in my life that all of us were supposed to die according to some kind of vague, medieval prediction. All of these Rapture predictions, of course, are born of hubris. Everyone wants to believe that they will be alive during the ...

The Photo Of Kevin Durant's Dunk Will Replace The Taj Gibson Poster That Replaced Bruce Lee Posters Across America
With apologies to Taj Gibson, who replaced Bruce Lee just four days ago, this posterized Kevin Durant dunk over Brendan Haywood (click here to see the full view) should now be required to hang above every American mantlepiece in felt-tip form....

Your NBA Western Conference Finals Open Thread
In advance of Game Two of the NBA Western Conference Championship series, DFW.com was kind enough to post 136 "fan photos" from Game One between the Dallas Mavericks and the Oklahoma City Thunder. They're something to behold....