and Page 553 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
At Least Draymond Green Is An Honorable Bettor
Between the serial testicle-kicking and overall dickishness, it’s easy to be annoyed by Draymond Green. But after last night’s loss to the Blazers, he showed that when it comes to settling bets he is a chill and honorable dude....
President Of The United States: Call The Cops On Troubled Kids More
This fucking deadbeat. This chickenshit moral dwarf. This cheap-shit dime-store fucking fraud....
UFC Vet Joe Lauzon Ruptured One Of His Teammate's Testicles In Training
UFC newcomer Devin Powell had to undergo surgery yesterday after Joe Lauzon busted him in the dick and balls with the “sheer power” of an unintentional knee during training. Powell’s all good, ball-wise, though he’ll need to recover for a bit....
Sebastian Janikowski, Longtime Football Guy, No Longer With The Raiders
One of the lone constants of a modern NFL marked by roster churn and and an endless push towards maximum efficiency finally came to an end today. Starting next season, fans will no longer be able to look at an Oakland Raiders roster and say, “Huh. Sebastian Janikowski’s still there, I guess.”...
Jamaican Bobsled Team's Olympics In Jeopardy Over Sled Drama And Coach Quitting
The Jamaican women’s bobsled team is set to make their Olympic debut next week, 30 years after the Jamaican men’s bobsled team made their historic debut at the Calgary Olympics. That’s the hope, anyway. Just a week before their first heats, the team has been engulfed by drama, and may not even have ...
Vacation Bill Belichick Is Fully Operational
After a Super Bowl loss to Nick Foles, Patriots head coach and History Channel buff Bill Belichick has escaped to an island to unwind with his girlfriend Linda Holliday. That vacay outfit has everything: an “Adapt or Die” shirt with the Gadsden snake, a “VII Rings” visor, and chill beach trunks. Yea...
Looks Like The Dumbass Kings Almost Ruined The Trade Deadline
ESPN’s Adrian Wojnarowski has a thorough and fascinating tick-tock of the Cleveland Cavaliers’ trade deadline maneuvering, and you should gobble it up if you are into that sort of thing. But if you just want another chance to laugh at the Sacramento Kings, it’s also good for that....
The Revamped Cavs Won Again And LeBron James Lost His Voice Again
The new-look Cleveland Cavaliers beat the Oklahoma City Thunder 120-112 on Tuesday, two days after stomping the Celtics in their first game with a new roster, thanks to, apparently, LeBron James yelling instructions at his teammates....
Alexandre Lacazette Is Injured And Arsenal Might Be Screwed
Arsenal came into this past weekend’s must-win North London Derby and proceeded to get comprehensively smashed up by their fiercest rivals in a manner that would’ve cratered the Gunners’ confidence if not for the fact that it’s been evident for so long now that Tottenham are simply a much better tea...
Steve Kerr Let His Players Coach The Game And It Worked
Okay, yes, maybe he gets points deducted for pulling this move during a game against the pitiful Suns, but Warriors head coach Steve Kerr did something genuinely cool and unexpected last night: he let his players run every timeout huddle. The Warriors won 129-83....
Flames Pest Ryan Lomberg Takes On A Much Larger Opponent, Eats Many Fists
The reason why the tale of David and Goliath is notable is because most of the time, Goliath should win. Put a 5-foot-9, 175-pound AHL goon against a 6-foot-5, 235-pound counterpart, and who do you think will usually come out on top?...
Some Ridiculous Winds Couldn't Keep Jamie Anderson From Another Slopestyle Gold
The snowboarding women’s slopestyle final at this Olympics was a frustrating, unfair event, marked by high winds that cancelled the qualifying round and screwed with pretty much every competitor in the final. Still, despite the awful conditions that even cut down on the number of runs each woman cou...
Boy, The New-Look Cavs Sure Beat The Living Shit Out Of The Celtics
Sunday’s result should not be read as the Celtics are fake or the Cavs are better than the Celtics or the Celtics are doomed in the playoffs, although I dearly wish for all three of those things to be true. But it seems reasonable to say that the Celtics, who’ve had the NBA’s best defense this seaso...
The Dunk Gods Giveth, The Dunk Gods Taketh Away
Sunday’s big Cavs-Celtics tilt in Boston is not shaping up how you might’ve reasonably imagined: The Cavs, with four brand new guys making their first ever appearances in Cavs jerseys, are mostly giving the business to the Celtics. That business featured this highlight, when J.R. Smith smushed the b...
We Got A Minor-League Hockey Goalie Fight
The Walleye no longer play at the Toledo Sports Arena, but the ECHL action tonight brought back memories of that smoke-filled brawlatorium as tonight’s game against the Kansas City Mavericks got feisty in the third period:...
Cruel Damian Lillard Needed Just 29 Minutes To Hang 50 Points On The Kings
Damian Lillard went absolutely nuts on the Kings Friday night, in Sacramento, to the tune of 50 points on 26 shots attempts, in just 29 minutes. He didn’t score a single point in the fourth quarter, and didn’t need to, because the Kings are sad and awful, and also because the game was never close af...
Maybe Now The Cavs Can Just Let LeBron Cook?
The Cavs did well at the trade deadline, shipping off several of their worst defensive players and returning a group of guys who seem better suited to playing alongside LeBron, for however long he’ll be around. LeBron himself said the changes “should be fun,” which probably means nothing but certain...
The Eagles Beat The Patriots With A Heaping Dose Of Their Own Medicine
The Philly Special will rightly be the play that forever defines the Eagles’ victory over the Patriots in Super Bowl 52. But such ballsy trickery wasn’t some one-off bit of well-executed brilliance: The Eagles rolled up 538 yards and scored 41 points on the Pats, and they did it by doing a lot of th...
Gabriel Landeskog Beat The Shirt Off Brayden Schenn<em></em>
Just three seconds into last night’s Avs-Blues contest, Colorado’s Gabriel Landeskog and St. Louis’s Brayden Schenn decided to randomly drop the gloves and have a brawl in open ice. The initial violence in itself was 20 seconds of intensity, but the fight really heated up and came to a climax when L...
Blazers Fans Play An Infuriatingly Bad Game Of Tic-Tac-Toe
The rules are simple: make a basket, earn a marker, and try to complete a tic-tac-toe. Let me amend that: the rules are simple only if you’ve ever heard of tic-tac-toe before. ...