and Page 984 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Islanders Decide Not To Showcase Bloody Brawl After All
"...the party will go on, but the Islanders and MSG Network have agreed to switch the game to a victory over the Sabres in which Michael Grabner's hat trick goal was the winner." [Sports Illustrated]...

Pitcher, Batter Reconcile HBP Over Twitter: "Just Grazed The Schnaz A Little Bit"
This is a beautiful story of modern reconciliation. Last night, Toronto's Brandon Morrow hit Mariner Casper Wells with a pitch. The outfielder was forced to sit out the remainder of the game, which deprived him of the chance to extend his home run streak to five straight games....

Wilson Chandler: Probably Not Gay
Wilson Chandler almost made history last night. You'll recognize that this seems impossible—the NBA is locked out, and Wilson Chandler is probably not skilled enough to make NBA history, except as the league's Swingmanniest Swingman, even when the pros are in session....

Ukulele Boob Girl Will Do Anything You Ask If You Vote For Her Again
Remember Sarah H., the lovely damsel who desperately pleaded for your votes in some sort of freakish marketing contest by playing a ukulele nestled under her breasts? Well, she's emailing again, claiming that the freakish marketing people somehow turned her 1,500-vote advantage into a 12-vote defic...

Listen To A Lady In A White Bikini Describe How She Handled A 56-Incher
Meet Brenna Burley of Grand Rapids, Minn. She was a virginal sturgeon fisherwoman when she went out, pole in hand, with her boyfriend. He got a bite, but told Ms. Burley she could reel this one in. A 10-minute fight ensued....

Dumb Corporate Beef Becomes Dumb Kobe Bryant-Brandon Jennings Beef
Under Armour has unleashed a new marketing campaign based around the idea that they're a "Change Agent" in the world of sports gear. The company even released a spoken-word promotional video that includes the sentence "Welcome to the revolution." It does a good job of subliminally positioning Under ...

Philip Rivers Doesn't Agree With Or Understand Total QBR
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Rivers isn't much for math, but he knows it when he sees it....

I Hope Andy Dalton's Head Was Worth $20K To Ndamukong Suh
Ndamukong Suh burst into the NFL by trying to wrench Jake Delhomme's skull from his torso, perhaps to keep on his mantel. Suh seems to be making a habit of thinning the mediocre QB herd in preseason, with this weekend's takedown of Cincinnati's Andy Dalton....

Who Owns "Evil Empire"? The Yankees Launch A Proxy War For Control
Bridgehampton, N.Y., out on the East End of Long Island, is Red Sox territory. The bars along Main Street are decked out in red and will only show Yankees games if there's nothing else on. TVs receive the Hartford network affiliates. Carl Yastrzemski was born on a nearby potato farm and still holds ...

Care To Read Another Lengthy Evisceration Of Grantland?
"What could have been high-concept—The New Yorker for sports, or something similar but more fun—is instead a cross between kitty litter mags Vanity Fair and New York Magazine at its absolute best and a shitty buddy blog for sports and entertainment at its worst." [BryanJoiner.com]...

Today In <em>The New York Times</em> Answering Questions No One Is Asking
"'Ralph Branca is not a Jew,' said Alan Dershowitz, a Brooklyn-born Dodgers fan, lawyer and Harvard professor." [NYT]...

FBI Investigating Obese Santa Claus Look-Alike And FIFA "Whistleblower" Chuck Blazer
Quick recapitulation: In May, Chuck Blazer, the lone American on FIFA's executive committee, alleged that Mohammed bin Hammam, who was running against Sepp Blatter for the FIFA presidency, had offered bribes to members of the Caribbean Football Union in exchange for votes. Blatter seized upon the op...

Chelsea Embraces The Prawn Sandwich Brigade
This isn't just an advertisement for the most succulent amuse-bouche you've ever seen. It's also Chelsea being more self-aware than we though possible....

Tom Brady Says He'll Never Get Over That Jets Loss
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Brady really, really hates losing....

A Gaggle Of Clever Sportswriters Is Starting A Long-Form Web Concern
The Classical bills itself as "a running, wide-ranging conversation between us and our readers about baseball, basketball, soccer, football and fighting, and about things that aren't sports, too." It'll have long features and blogs, modeling itself after The Awl....

Lady In Steph Curry Jersey And Leggings At Outside Lands Gives Us Our First Floopster Of The Season
At first I thought this was a man, which would have been a hoopster to end all hoopsters. Dangly earrings, big scarf, a ponytail, leggings, and a cool player's jersey....

The New York Islanders Will Have A Party To Celebrate The Bloody Low Point Of Last Season
Undeterred by that whole Probably Moving to Kansas City thing, the Islanders are throwing a party at Champions Sports Bar in Uniondale, NY to celebrate the goriest night of last night's hockey season....

Presenting A Chris Mullin Career Retrospective With Violins And Real Talk
Your morning roundup for Aug. 13, a day that can strengthen you personally, professionally, physically and spiritually. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Bartolo Colon-O-Meter: The Annihilation Of The Self Into A Greater Cosmos
Veteran pitcher Bartolo Colon resumed his philosophical explorations yesterday afternoon, facing the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. Angels! Emissaries of the divine! But Colon met the Halos with yet another stolid performance: 6.0 IP, 5 H, 2 R, 3 K. One more no-decision, in one more eventual Yankees...

Dead Comedian Of The Week: Andy Kaufman, The Unlikely Bombthrower
For Comedy Week, we're running a handful of tributes in the vein of our Dead Wrestler of the Week series. Here, from the best book ever written about stand-up comedy, Phil Berger's The Last Laugh, we look at the evolution of Andy Kaufman, meshuga provocateur....