ant Page 495 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
How Wile E. Coyote Explains The World
A joke has structure. It has a central rule. Setup, punchline. The setup produces a tensed, expectant state; the punchline resolves the tension with a surprise. If the elements of the joke are not arranged into a setup and a punchline, it is not a joke. It is just a statement....
Read The Leaked Transfer Agreement Between Manchester United And Monaco For Anthony Martial
Manchester United paid Monaco €50 million ($54.5 million) in September for teenage striking sensation Anthony Martial, a fee that will almost assuredly rise to €70 million ($76.2 million) and could rise to €80 million ($87.1 million) in the next few years. This in the neighborhood of what was report...
Ron Rivera Banned Hoverboards Because Players Were Drag Racing On Them
Those little electric scooter thingies that everyone insists on calling hoverboards are a well-known menace, but that hasn’t stopped the Carolina Panthers from doing very unwise things with them....
Knicks Win In Double-OT After Carmelo Anthony Hits Tying Three At End Of Regulation
What could possibly get the whole Internet talking about a January afternoon Sixers-Knicks game? The combination of Martin Luther King Jr. Day and a free League Pass preview. Just when we were ready to rub a Sixers win in the face of our New York-based co-workers, ‘Melo had to pull this rabbit out o...
Marshawn Lynch Cracked Roman Harper's Helmet
Marshawn Lynch may have had a disappointing season that ended with a six-carry, 20-yard effort in yesterday’s loss to the Panthers, but he’s still capable of delivering some big hits....
Giant Monster Dunks On Poor Sucker; Poor Sucker Laughs
San Antonio’s “sort of an odd thing” Boban Marjanović (pictured here) is 7-foot-3, very strong, and has hands the size of Manu Ginobili. What I am saying here is that one can only do so much to prevent him from catching and dunking basketballs. Sometimes he’s just gonna catch a basketball and dunk i...
Josh Norman's Freelance Sack Was As Brilliant As It Was Ballsy
It’s hard to call any play made by a team that was up 31-0 at halftime and led through all four quarters a true “game-saver,” but there’s no denying that the Panthers were in need of a big play after the Seahawks’ successful fake punt late in the third quarter. That’s when Josh Norman went off-scrip...
Kevin Durant To The Media: "I Actually Do Love You Guys"
Kevin Durant approached media members covering the Thunder’s shootaround this morning, and unprompted by any question, expounded at length upon his relationship with them. Depending upon your perspective he was clarifying, adding detail to, or walking back his blistering comments after Friday night’...
Here Are Your Seattle-Carolina First Half Highlights As Called By Jim Ross
With a halftime score of 31-0, the public demanded it. So here’s the first half highlights of today’s Seahawks-Panthers as called by pro wrestling legend “J.R.” Jim Ross....
Oh Look, Kevin Durant Is Complaining About The Media Again
After Friday night’s easy win over the Timberwolves, ESPN reporter Royce Young asked Kevin Durant about the popular perception of the Thunder, based upon Michael Wilbon’s recent comments on PTI. Here’s what Wilbon said:...
Paul Millsap Dunk Rocks John Henson, Distant Cousins
The Atlanta Hawks have a slim lead in the first half over Milwaukee, but a huge advantage in face after Paul Millsap annihilated John Henson’s spirit with a devastating slam. Get well soon, John. ...
Kobe Bryant Ramps Up His Michael Jordan Cosplay With A New Trademark
It’s becoming pretty clear that Kobe Bryant’s pathological commitment to fashioning his image after Michael Jordan’s is going to continue into his post-playing days. To wit, Kobe has put a trademark claim on the phrase “Friends hang sometimes, banners hang forever.”...
Pacman Jones Apologizes For Saying That Antonio Brown Faked A Concussion
When Antonio Brown suffered a concussion in Saturday’s playoff game from linebacker Vontaze Burfict’s hit, Bengals cornerback Pacman Jones thought the Steelers receiver was embellishing it. Jones said he would only apologize for calling Brown a faker if the wideout wasn’t able to play Sunday against...
ESPN's "Black Grantland" Hires Writers, May Eventually Publish Something
Today, two and a half years after the project was first announced, ESPN issued a press release about a fresh round of hires at its black-interest site, The Undefeated. While the site doesn’t yet exist, properly speaking, its staff has nonetheless managed to produce nearly two blog posts per month ov...
Antonio Brown Is Out; The Steelers Are Boned
The Steelers have officially ruled Antonio Brown out for Sunday’s game in Denver, which means Pacman Jones owes him an apology....
Here's A Ridiculous Story From Cam Newton's Combine Interviews
I highly recommend Tim Keown’s profile of Cam Newton for ESPN.com. While the portrayal definitely comes down on the positive side of one of sports’ more polarizing athletes, it presents plenty of red meat for those who like him and for those who can’t stand him. And that’s kind of the point. This pr...
Reports: Giants To Hire Offensive Coordinator Ben McAdoo As Head Coach
The New York Giants are poised to hire offensive coordinator Ben McAdoo as their next head coach, according to multiple reports. McAdoo has been the offensive coordinator for the past two seasons, after having been the Packers tight ends and then quarterbacks coach....
Poker Player Disqualified From Tournament For Peeing At The Table
Professional poker player Antonio Esfandiari was recently disqualified from a tournament and forced to forfeit his $110,000 stack because he tried to pee into a container while sitting at the table. ...
How To Buy Antiques, And Why
That’s right: antiques. Now, let me guess your Pavlovian response: drab chairs you wouldn’t trash-pick even without the bed-bug anxiety, grandmotherly floral couches in their eternal plastic seals, mildew mingling with stale perfume, and no delicious Swedish meatballs in sight. But you’ve got it all...
Antonio Cromartie's Penis Is Unstoppable
Jets cornerback Antonio Cromartie has fathered 10 children, so it made plenty of sense when he decided to get a vasectomy, because 10 children is plenty of children. Today, we learned that not even a procedure that leaves most couples with a less than 1-percent chance of getting pregnant can stop th...